Dire straits indeed. We've been resigned to dwell in the tomb of archaic gaming that is Smash Bros, amongst the Balloon Fighters and Little Macs of the world.
While I'm somewhat relieved we didn't get that weird looking sequel to SOTN, it's disheartening that big K hasn't pulled head from ass. Rather than have any sort of 5-minute funeral for our champion Konami-Man, they seem to have dumped his half dead corpse down by the river to be finished off by were-beavers and such. I guess all we can do is play you a song...
VIDEO That's for all of you Gradius & Contra fans, too.
Shigeharu Umezaki must be openly weeping to see his creations dismembered like so many K-Marts and Circuit City stores. Ume-Chan, our hearts go out to you. It seems Kojima was right after all and I hate it when he's right.
And our last bastion of hope is the intern who got coffee for the programmers and did such a good job at it that they put him in the credits for Gofer No Yabou back in 1988. He never spilled a drop and always had snack cakes at the ready. This cowboy-hat wearing, whip wielding maniac has been the favoured piñata of these boards for quite some time and that's only because that shmuck David Cox didn't have any snack cakes.
While it blows my mind into jagged chunks to do this, I have to present Koji Igarashi with the Golden Hunchback Award™ for vigilance.
By the power vested in me by CVC and the Konami Kukeiha Club, I beseech you sir, with a caveat -
don't make me regret this. Now please don't immediately shit the bed. And bring us coffee.
I guess if all else fails, we can always fire up Stake and get to work on Blood Moon 2 - Electric Boogaloo.