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Offline Shiroi Koumori

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #15 on: August 25, 2015, 10:23:14 PM »
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I'm agreeing with Jorge but...
Freddy, are you still pursing the study in her country gig? And is planning to live with her during that period?
If you really can't back out of that, then taking a breather might be an option, where both of you would just be on roommate status but it would be awkward and complicated. Although personally, I'd try to find a room for myself if I'm really insistent on studying abroad (I do what I want on my own terms!).

Offline X

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #16 on: August 25, 2015, 10:39:17 PM »
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This is the third thread I can remember you talking to us about this woman (if she can be called that.) I still think she's more of the child mentality and has yet to actually grow up. And through all the threads about her its been a very bumpy ride for you. You don't need this kind of aggravation in your life. You deserve to be happy. You have every right to want happiness. Heck, you can even demand it if you want to because this is your life we're discussing here. And I don't think you'll find happiness with this girl. This is her third strike against you (yes, I'm using baseball terminology here.) And since that's the case, she's out. Now, while I have absolutely no experience with women, the other members here have and they all seem to be in agreement about the situation you're in. I think right now your feelings about your girlfriend might be clouding your judgement, so you might want to take a step back and logistically examine the scenario. I wish you the best of luck and all the courage in the world. Do the right thing for yourself as you are the most important person in your life, because it is yours.  :)
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Offline Mooning Freddy

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #17 on: August 26, 2015, 05:51:18 AM »
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While I like all of you taking my side, I still think most of don't understand the situation.
My GF isn't manipulative or selfish (at least not more selfish than what many other girls are), most of time she is very caring and lovely, and more; she gives me gifts she's great in bed, she never takes advantage of me for money or anything of the kind. But she also can be very impatient and somewhat intolerant.
She has problems. But so do I. I am far from the perfect boyfriend. I am not very sensitive or empathetic. In many cases where I should feel something I simply feel nothing. Overall I'm also quite a boring person. I admit it. I'm not exactly what you would call a catch. So I don't know whether other girls would think of me more then she does; I certainly don't think so. So I think she's somewhat right in being unhappy in the relationship and I'm the one who needs to change.
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Offline Belmontoya

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #18 on: August 26, 2015, 07:51:35 AM »
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This girl is selfish and immature. She's either not right for you, or not ready to be in a relationship. Probably both actually.

It sounds like she really needs to learn humility. Breaking up with her would be good for both of you. Hopefully it will teach her to appreciate other people a little more.

I know some couples that survived cheating and came out better from it. But I don't think this is one of those situations based on the rest of the information.

If you let her walk all over you this time, you'll be setting yourself up for her to continue doing it. You do not want to be trapped in an emotional abusive relationship. That what it sounds like this is to me.

 Good luck to you man.
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Offline zangetsu468

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #19 on: August 26, 2015, 08:27:27 AM »
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While I like all of you taking my side, I still think most of don't understand the situation.
My GF isn't manipulative or selfish (at least not more selfish than what many other girls are), most of time she is very caring and lovely, and more; she gives me gifts she's great in bed, she never takes advantage of me for money or anything of the kind. But she also can be very impatient and somewhat intolerant.
She has problems. But so do I. I am far from the perfect boyfriend. I am not very sensitive or empathetic. In many cases where I should feel something I simply feel nothing. Overall I'm also quite a boring person. I admit it. I'm not exactly what you would call a catch. So I don't know whether other girls would think of me more then she does; I certainly don't think so. So I think she's somewhat right in being unhappy in the relationship and I'm the one who needs to change.

Dude wtf it sounds like you hate yourself.

What's with this post talking about how your non-manipulative SO is caring and good in the sack when two posts ago you were bagging her for ploughing her friend and making you feel bad?

Bolded: are you even listening to yourself ? You're completely back-pedalling.
If you believe she's right to be unhappy and you're in the wrong why even post up about this subject matter?

Best of luck, sounds as if you'll need it.
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Offline JR

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #20 on: August 26, 2015, 08:40:17 AM »
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So I think she's somewhat right in being unhappy in the relationship and I'm the one who needs to change.


She slept around on you. There's really no good excuse she can have for that. That's not something that someone in a committed relationship deserves to have happen to them.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you want to keep her out of fear that you'll never be able to find someone else...I've totally been there before. There are plenty of women out there who like "boring" men. Hell, my wife and I have become total homebodies, and we're both perfectly fine with that. It's just a matter of finding someone who's right for you (and as much as online dating gets made fun of, it actually works pretty well, in my experience).

Whatever you decide, just make sure to stick up for yourself. She's the one who was unfaithful...no matter what perceived problems you have with your personality, that simply can't justify cheating on her part.
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Offline Mooning Freddy

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #21 on: August 26, 2015, 09:37:21 AM »
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I know some couples that survived cheating and came out better from it. But I don't think this is one of those situations based on the rest of the information.

Well, she said she only did it once. She confessed immediately after this. She didn't try to hide it (and she very easily could), and said she regrets it and would have never done it if she had known how angry I would be.
She was in a serious emotional mess ever since our vacation.
Plus, I don't know if I should bring it up, but she had some ultra-libertarian somewhat hippie-style upbringing and is less conservative than me when it comes to sex. She said her previous relationship was an open one and they didn't mind casual sex with other people. But again, she acknowledged it was a mistake, expressed honesty and deep regret and said it won't happen again.

I will give her another chance. If for nothing else, for her honesty. When we do break up, we need to do it full-heartedly. Both acknowledge it's the right thing and that there's nothing else to do. I feel that it is not yet the right moment.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2015, 09:38:57 AM by Mooning Freddy »
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Offline Belmontoya

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #22 on: August 26, 2015, 12:39:55 PM »
+2
She must be a Belmont cuz she's got you whipped!
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Offline Crying Freeman

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #23 on: August 26, 2015, 08:37:59 PM »
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Hearing about this girl from you, Freddy, I can say that she is being an immature, unfair snob to you. You shouldn't have to put up with what she's putting you through. The more you just accept her lifestyle with you in this manner, you'll just be week in her eyes, and she'll continue to perform actions like this. I see how you're stuck with her atm, but  definitely stay away from her in terms of a relationship. She's said negative things about you, and she just cheated on you.

I know how hard it can be, man, but you can move on from her. Another few things to consider:
1.) If it was reversed, she'd most likely call you out for being a snob and leave you
2.) The more time you waste with this bitch, the more time you're losing from meeting other women, women who can stay faithful to you because they do actually care about you or love you. From what I read about this girl, shes just using you, and she doesn't care about you. Shes just apologizing to you to keep it up, when she'll be unfaithful again later.

Offline zangetsu468

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #24 on: August 27, 2015, 01:42:51 AM »
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The ending to this will be just like Berserk's; sad, twisted, bittersweet and in 50 years time when it's too little too late.
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Offline Abnormal Freak

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #25 on: August 27, 2015, 02:25:42 AM »
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Dump the bitch and cut all ties; don't let her drag you down further. Damn, dude. Don't let this relationship make you feel like you're the boring person who's bad in bed and all that shit; your value is greater than that and there are women who will appreciate you.
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Offline Abnormal Freak

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #26 on: August 27, 2015, 02:39:17 AM »
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Oh yeah, and also:
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Offline Jorge D. Fuentes

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #27 on: August 27, 2015, 04:54:00 AM »
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I agree with Freak.
Dump this person.  They are no good for you.
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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #28 on: August 27, 2015, 05:22:11 AM »
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While I like all of you taking my side, I still think most of don't understand the situation.
My GF isn't manipulative or selfish (at least not more selfish than what many other girls are), most of time she is very caring and lovely, and more; she gives me gifts she's great in bed, she never takes advantage of me for money or anything of the kind. But she also can be very impatient and somewhat intolerant.
She has problems. But so do I. I am far from the perfect boyfriend. I am not very sensitive or empathetic. In many cases where I should feel something I simply feel nothing. Overall I'm also quite a boring person. I admit it. I'm not exactly what you would call a catch. So I don't know whether other girls would think of me more then she does; I certainly don't think so. So I think she's somewhat right in being unhappy in the relationship and I'm the one who needs to change.

Relationships are a give-and-take. One person has to meet the other halfway to keep things going. So far I've seen several threads about this shit all more or less saying the same thing:

"She says/feels/does [thing] that makes ME feel like I'm the one responsible for everything bad that happens."

And that's not something you do to somebody you love. Period.

Everybody's got problems, it's not an excuse to sleep around or make your partner feel like a shitty one, intentionally or otherwise. In this context where - if I remember right - she KNOWS how you feel, and is doing nothing that is actively and continually filling that void and bringing you back up, then she's just as much the problem as you claim you are.

Gifts and sex and not taking monetary advantage are not get-out-of-jail-free cards. For starters, gifts are nice, but too many ruins their appeal after so long, and quality > quantity wins out the thoughtfulness of the gift, rather than the material gift itself. Two, sex varies in importance and emotional meaning from person to person, but if you two have been together as long as you have and she claims she never at any point picked up from any conversation or action or hint that you're against casual sex or open relationships, then that's a red flag. Body language and subtle clues tell all, and I am without doubt that at least a few came up in your time together thus far. She knew, or she's got the intellect of a rock. Three, NOT doing something you shouldn't do doesn't somehow make you better. "Well, my girlfriend doesn't steal my money or anything" is pointless, because that's how it's supposed to be, you don't up and steal shit from your partner, and by not doing something she already shouldn't be doing she does not immediately become a better person.

Personally, I think she's playing you. She's got you at a point where she fucking cheated on you in what is very likely a premeditated scenario, and you're giving her "another chance because of honesty." The fuck does she care about honesty when she cheated on her boyfriend of, what was it, over/about a year? In all that time she seriously didn't learn that you don't like cheating or casual sex with third parties when in a relationship? Do you really buy that bullshit?

Bottom line is, she committed one of THE cardinal sins of the cardinal sins of a monogamous relationship, and you're still giving her one more chance. And then it'll be one more chance, then another, then another, then another. If I and what appears to be damn near everyone else are correct in the assertion that she's playing you like a fiddle, then this outcome is exactly what she wants, because from here on out she knows that you'll forgive cheating if she says she's really sorry and would never have done it if she knew it'd bother you.

She fucking knew, and on the chance she genuinely didn't, then she's not ready for a committed relationship.

Either way, I feel you should kick her to the curb and cope with everything where she can't bear witness to or be involved in it. If she is indeed a player, then your pain in her gain.

Is it really worth all this trouble for someone who clearly doesn't know you as well as you may have thought, is willing to cheat on you simply because she felt "depressed" about your relationship, and who prefers to opt for impulse actions and instant gratification while not of a clear mind, simply because she's good in bed, gets you shit, and doesn't steal your material assets (yet)?

Who cares how good in bed she is or what she gets you, what kind of fucking person is she? Sure, everyone says their SO is nice or beautiful or smart or wonderful or whatever, but how much of the truth holds up to that? I see a girl who would rather cheat on her boyfriend that talk out whatever led her to that decision in the first place; and the fact that she just went and did it rather than ask you about casual/open sex with others or say anything until AFTER the fact shows that she knew exactly what it would do to you. She only brought it up after because she couldn't have grovelled and begged for another chance until after the deed was done.

I'll say it again. From where I'm sitting, she's fucking playing you, dude, and so far you're dancing right along to her tune.

Get the fuck out of there.


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Offline Mooning Freddy

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Re: Is cheating a dealbreaker?
« Reply #29 on: August 27, 2015, 06:23:52 AM »
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Well, at the moment I put it on freeze. Which means not talking to her unless I absolutely have to. It's not officially closed, but in my emotions, I think I'm gradually freeing myself.

Last night I gave her a test of trust; I requested something she's not willing to do, but is fairly easy to do. (a "special favor" so to speak)
She refused. She said she'd be willing to do other things. I pretty much gave her an ultimatum, do it or it's over. She said that I'm emotionally blackmailing her into doing something she thinks isn't right to do.

It's on freeze. Which means at the very least I'll be ridding myself of the addiction to her. The almost uncontrollable urge to constantly chat, argue and share. It's like crack, an addiction, I admit it. I would be able to free my mind.

Thanks for the support.
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