Topic: And Now For Something Kompletely Different

[Mobius]

- IT'S DOUCHE TIME -

The other night as I was sitting at a local SF upstairs night spot, knocking back vod-cocks and gin martinis on my end of the bar, a pair of dudes staggers in (I'm not entirely sure how they made it up the steps) to scope the crowd out. They notice there aren't any drunken chicks -- their actual observation; not my own words -- and quickly turn and leave before the bartender asks them what they want to drink. Not an unusual occurrence, it was a Friday after all. Okay. Next thing I know, two fine-but-smug-looking broads enter the bar. One is wearing a white tank-top and an obvious push-up bra, the other has on a dark pinstriped business jacket (with matching skirt), and a smooth button-down white shirt. Good-looking girls. But the moment they aren't getting enough attention from the bartenders, they begin to talk about how unprofessional it is to not take note of the people lined up at the bar. They cite business etiquette and common courtesy, and they are saying this loudly enough so that the bartender can hear them. He takes their drink orders, smile and all, as courteous as can be. They ask him how long he has been bartending and did he attend bartending school? (o_O) Whatever. - They still get their shots. No problem....
A moment later, when he doesn't come back and they've repeatedly slammed their empty shot glasses down thrice (each consecutive time more loudly than the last) with no results, they resume talking in stage voices about how "In Long Beach, it takes one swish of an empty glass to get a barkeep back to refill your shit." - I kid y'all not. To cut to the chase, gal in the tank top gets up and starts complaining to the bartender, who happens to be really good at his job. He just happens to be waiting on us regulars and semi-regulars very diligently. Her friend just wants to up and leave, but she's busy telling this guy that there are laws against being unprofessional towards paying customers. And she should know, becaauuuse- -
. . . . . . .
(wait for it)
. . . SHE IS A LAW STUDENT AT BERKELEY UNIVERSITY.

Let me get this straight. You want to wax lawful to people for not being catered to the way you want or, possibly, the way you are normally used to? Huh. Interesting theory, councilor.

Now, granted, this place I frequent from time to time has known its share of douche bags. Lord knows the regulars have shared many a night marveling at the innate stupidity, audacity, retarded-ness, and straight-up nerve of the many morons who drift in off the streets of San Francisco and beyond to sully the air and sometimes floors of watering holes with their liquor-soaked hijinks. But this little ruckus I am recollecting for you here now is a simple reminder of one sad but obvious truth: Women can be douche bags too. And you know what, let me take this one step further by cutting alcohol or any other drug out of the equation. Douche baggery is as the douche bag in question does regardless of any other outside influence. Substances only add to the problem, yes, but the searing spirit of the douche will inevitably shine through regardless. All you preening, leering, smirking, scoffing, lying, bragging, clucking, teasing, distracting, overreaching, overreacting, condescending, undermining, inconsiderate losers can suck each other off until you choke on the girth of your egos for all I care. The rest of us could really care less.

Girls, you may be enrolled in a class studying law but you ain't shit until you've passed the bar. So kindly fuck off. ^_^ And take your cheap coke-sniffing yuppie douche bag boyfriends with you. Thank you and good night!


***This message brought to you by Lifestyles Brand Condoms.
Preventing future douche bags from making it to conception nightly.

[X]

I'm so proud of you! They grow up so fast... *Starts crying*

But seriously, there are quite a few egomaniacs out there that think they own the world and could definitely use severe disciplinary action to straighten them selves out. Nothing a dictator wouldn't be able to fix.  Fortunately I'm not one of those douche bags and not just because I don't drink alcohol, smoke, or do drugs either.

-X