Topic: Infidelity

[Inccubus]

Yes. That's part of the reason I'm two years divorced now.

[uzo]

@Ratty: There is a difference between being tempted and caving into the urge to act on that temptation. Certainly thoughts can become toxic, but the better man files away the thoughts and doesn't cheat.

It all boils down to expectations of the partners and the established situation understood by each. If partners both clearly understand the casual nature of the relationship, and are OK with promiscuity in the relationship, then so be it. Have a ball and keep safe. If that is not the case, then one or both sides have been lead on to believe that the relationship is exclusive. When a partner cheats within an exclusive relationship, that is absolutely inexcusable. They are a class A scumbag.

[TheouAegis]

What if the guy or girl doesn't realize the other thinks it's an exclusive relationship? What if through no fault of his or her own the guy or girl is in an open relationship in his or her mind but his or her partner doesn't feel the same way? That's not cheating, that's the other person being an idiot and thinking she or he is in deeper than she or he really is.  Just because your partner is an idealistic bimbo doesn't mean you're cheating, it just means you're a man-pig and doing what all good man-pigs do -- fucking sows.


I'm certain my ex would have cheated on me, assuming she wasn't already cheating on me while we were together.

[uzo]

Withholding your intentions of the relationship to save as a "not my fault" card later is even worse than just cheating. That is just down right intent to use, abuse, and throw away then you're done. Thats a pretty sick attitude to have. Also, open relationships are also the exception not the rule, such will be the typical presumption. Both partners need to be explicit with their intentions, especially if they differ from the norm.

The amount of excuses being made in this thread is actually pretty disturbing.

[Neobelmont]

It all boils down to expectations of the partners and the established situation understood by each. If partners both clearly understand the casual nature of the relationship, and are OK with promiscuity in the relationship, then so be it. Have a ball and keep safe. If that is not the case, then one or both sides have been lead on to believe that the relationship is exclusive. When a partner cheats within an exclusive relationship, that is absolutely inexcusable. They are a class A scumbag.

I'm with uzo on this one there should be no excuse for this kind of behavior. This kind of damage goes beyond just physical it's an emotional as well one that may never heal and can cause one major doubts about the opposite sex for the rest of their lives.

[Ratty]

I agree uzo, that's been one of my main contentions. That (in)fidelity is largely a matter of communication, and depends heavily on how partners in a relationship agree to define it. Personally I think most people are inclined to stick to a two partner system when it comes to long-term relationships but even then there's a lot of leeway and variation from couple to couple. Some spouses would consider it cheating or tantamount to cheating if their partner went to a stripclub, some go to the clubs with their partner and get lapdances of their own.

[Inccubus]

@Ratty: There is a difference between being tempted and caving into the urge to act on that temptation. Certainly thoughts can become toxic, but the better man files away the thoughts and doesn't cheat.

I lived through that myself. I had the opportunity to cheat. And I mean mean this other woman was naked in front of me but I couldn't do it to my girlfriend who was passed out drunk in the next room and was definitely NOT waking up until the next day. And I really like this other woman too, so it wasn't easy to turn her down. I did make out with her, but my girlfriend and I agreed making out was fine especially if we were tipsy. On the other hand she ended up cheating on me twice after we were married and all of HER friends are now MY friends because they think she's an asshole for fucking up the best relationship she ever had in the meanest shittiest way possible to one of the nicest guys they've ever met.

It all boils down to expectations of the partners and the established situation understood by each. If partners both clearly understand the casual nature of the relationship, and are OK with promiscuity in the relationship, then so be it. Have a ball and keep safe. If that is not the case, then one or both sides have been lead on to believe that the relationship is exclusive. When a partner cheats within an exclusive relationship, that is absolutely inexcusable. They are a class A scumbag.

Amen to that, +1.

What if the guy or girl doesn't realize the other thinks it's an exclusive relationship?

Then the person that doesn't realize is a moron. The basic foundation of any good relationship is complete honesty and communication. If they haven't had a conversation about the nature of their relationship by like the third date, then you're both idiots and you're doing it all wrong. They would be setting themselves up for disaster.

[TheouAegis]

And that's when you lay it all down on the line for her, and say, "Thanks, you stupid bitch, for introducing me to your sister. What's for dinner, by the way?" HAHA I'm drunk and bowled a shitty ass four frames tonight cause I was trying to bowl 2-finger hooks for the first time ever tonight.

If the bitch is a fucking psycho and thinks your body is entirely hers, cheat her ass out of happiness by all means. I personally would have never cheated on my ex sexually -- maybe bite my lip and make Hannibal Lector impersonations toward other girls at most -- because I'm not the type of guy to cheat on a girl outright. If a girl cheated on me, I'd probably pound her face into a bloody mess, so I would expect the same from her and therefore wouldn't put either of us through that. As it is, my ex was just a selfish bitch and we broke up before any temptation crept in between us. Just think how you would feel if your bitch cheated on you. If it's a negative feeling that you get, then don't cheat on her; simple as that. That's my philosophy.

Although both Danny Bonaduce and I think Dr. Drew have both said that cheating leads to some of the best sex -- it gets your partner all worked up and rowdy. If your partner isn't interested in you as of late, they're obviously not cheating on you. That's what they've said. It makes a lot of sense.

[Lone Wolf]

Man... In my case, i wouldn't consider it definitely cheating, nor just cheat anyone like this, with the "pure" intention of making them sad.. Even if for revenge... No...
I'm just a bit confused with my emotions. Although i've been thinking too much on a girl these last days...
And i just can't take her out of my mind... I.. I think i love her, maybe?
But what is love? Is this love that i'm feeling? How do i know that?
Maybe.... Maybe i really, really, REALLY DO love her... I just can't get why.
Why doesn't she talk to me? And why the hell can't i just wait for her?
And then these two girls came... They seemed so nice.. I really think they're very nice, and it's not because of a lustful desire.
I mean, i still like them. As well. They're both amazing girls!
But, i don't know what to do.. Should i wait for my first girl? This one i can't stop thinking about?
Should i still keep these two relationships? And my feelings for them as well?
Or... Should i break it? Should i just kill it, give it a stop and focus on one only girl?
But man... What about them? I DO care about them, i don't wanna make them sad, nor disappointed... I don't want to make them suffer...
And i still keep thinking about her... And the distance between us.. The last time we talked.. Then she came at me and said "good night"..
She is still online, sometimes.. But she doesn't talk to me anymore.. Why? Is this something i did?
I still feel rejected seing that she doesn't talk to me, even when seing me online..
I know, she's got her problems... And then, maybe she's just having some time on Web so she could distract herself and forget about those real life problems of hers a little bit, nothing much...
Argh, maybe i just have to leave her alone for a while... But how longer should i wait until she's got on the mood to talk to me once again?
I DO know i should respect her privacy, and her freedom.. But.. I'm afraid.. That maybe she could forgive me.. Or maybe be sad with me, or maybe not feel well.. That something bad could happen to her, something i don't know about...
This damn worry.. And all this curiosity of mine... All this fear that she could never be able to come back and say "hi" again...
I miss her... I miss her so much..

[uzo]

You really are creepy. You know that, right?

[X]

He's only human and that's all anyone should ever expect out of another human being, especially those of the religious faith.

[Ratty]

Man... In my case, i wouldn't consider it definitely cheating, nor just cheat anyone like this, with the "pure" intention of making them sad.. Even if for revenge... No...
I'm just a bit confused with my emotions. Although i've been thinking too much on a girl these last days...
And i just can't take her out of my mind... I.. I think i love her, maybe?
But what is love? Is this love that i'm feeling? How do i know that?
Maybe.... Maybe i really, really, REALLY DO love her... I just can't get why.
Why doesn't she talk to me? And why the hell can't i just wait for her?
And then these two girls came... They seemed so nice.. I really think they're very nice, and it's not because of a lustful desire.
I mean, i still like them. As well. They're both amazing girls!
But, i don't know what to do.. Should i wait for my first girl? This one i can't stop thinking about?
Should i still keep these two relationships? And my feelings for them as well?
Or... Should i break it? Should i just kill it, give it a stop and focus on one only girl?
But man... What about them? I DO care about them, i don't wanna make them sad, nor disappointed... I don't want to make them suffer...
And i still keep thinking about her... And the distance between us.. The last time we talked.. Then she came at me and said "good night"..
She is still online, sometimes.. But she doesn't talk to me anymore.. Why? Is this something i did?
I still feel rejected seing that she doesn't talk to me, even when seing me online..
I know, she's got her problems... And then, maybe she's just having some time on Web so she could distract herself and forget about those real life problems of hers a little bit, nothing much...
Argh, maybe i just have to leave her alone for a while... But how longer should i wait until she's got on the mood to talk to me once again?
I DO know i should respect her privacy, and her freedom.. But.. I'm afraid.. That maybe she could forgive me.. Or maybe be sad with me, or maybe not feel well.. That something bad could happen to her, something i don't know about...
This damn worry.. And all this curiosity of mine... All this fear that she could never be able to come back and say "hi" again...
I miss her... I miss her so much..

Communication man.
Talk to this special girl, does she return the way you feel? If yes, then she probably wants to be exclusive, ask her if she does. If not, then decide if you want to be with one or both of the other girls. Talk to them, tell them truthfully how you feel about them and ask each if they want to be exclusive. This is a specific interpersonal question and not a general or philosophical question you're asking, talk to the people involved, not us. They will know how they feel about the situtation and their place in it a lot better than we ever could, and they deserve for you to be honest and frank with them.

[Lone Wolf]

You really are creepy. You know that, right?

I don't really expect for you to understand such a thing, though... So nvm..

He's only human and that's all anyone should ever expect out of another human being, especially those of the religious faith.

No, man.. Yes, i am human.. But it's not that simple.. And i'm not religious though.

Communication man.
Talk to this special girl, does she return the way you feel? If yes, then she probably wants to be exclusive, ask her if she does. If not, then decide if you want to be with one or both of the other girls. Talk to them, tell them truthfully how you feel about them and ask each if they want to be exclusive. This is a specific interpersonal question and not a general or philosophical question you're asking, talk to the people involved, not us. They will know how they feel about the situtation and their place in it a lot better than we ever could, and they deserve for you to be honest and frank with them.

I know. I didn't think i could do this alone, that's why i came here. I felt like i needed some support and see if maybe i could organize my ideas.

(click to show/hide)

Well, when we talked, i told her how amazing i thought she was.. But then, she told me that she's not the same person irl..
I do understand it, though. Me neither.. :/
But then, she thanked me a lot.. For the way i felt for her.. Since the last time we met, i always tried my best to be friendly with her.
Specially after losing her best friend.. She suffered a lot with that.. Even got depressed..
I tried my best to be by her side, cause i cared for her. I knew she was amazing, she IS! She's capable of great things, she was just not living the best moment of her life.. Pity? Hell no! I already knew her before that happened.
I really liked her.. But she became completely alone after that..
She thought she was completely lost after that.. I had to do something, couldn't just sit and watch. I really cared for my girl!
So i found her on Deviant Art, after a long search.. This may sound creepy for some, but i don't give a crap.
She seemed very happy for talking to me. I promised her i would never leave her, would try my best to stay by her side!
She thanked me a lot, but still told me some things.. Yeah, she's got a life to bug her... And people always looking at her with rejection...
She seemed disappointed with this.. And thought it was all her fault. She blamed herself for the egoism of people..
No.. I couldn't let this go on just the way it was.. I told her how i felt in a time back then.. She seemed really happy.
So we started.. I told her how much i loved her.. I thought this could be embarassing, though..
But then, she said "it's okay, there's no reason to be embarassed about. I.. Love you too.."
This sensation when two persons find themselves in a wonderful moment, you know...
Yeah.. It was amazing.. We tried to enjoy that last night as much as possible! Together, as two lovers..
Then she gave me a good night.. "I love you. Be strong, and take care dear. Never forget to smile.", she said..

Now she doesn't really come very often. But when she does, she barely has the mood to do things around.
She doesn't even talk to me, even if i say 'hi'. I guess she's just busy and doesn't have much time then?
Yeah, maybe this. Maybe it's not a big deal, but it wouldn't hurt to at least care for her a bit, right?
And get worried about her.. Thank heavens, at least i'm careful with the people i love..
But, about being exclusive with one of them, i don't know..
She doesn't even know about the other two, and i don't think i can talk to her about it, even considering she's barely online... :/
I asked the second one, and she wouldn't mind if i had other girls, since i stayed with her as well..
I don't see anything bad on it either. I just don't want to make any of them sad.. Even if i had to, but they also have their opinions, and i must respect them as well.

[Lone Wolf]

Argh... Who do i want to lie to?
I freakin know that my feeling for her is different, special.
About the others, i dont really think i feel the same thing..
And i cant force myself to stay with them. Maybe as friends, but thats another thing. I would be lying to both girls, and myself as well. And my girl, too..
Yeah.. I should talk to them. I should be frantic with them. But i dont want to make them sad, i just dont want to live a lie, nor force them to it, either.
I think it's the best thing to do, surely.
Thanks for supporting me on this, guys.

[Ratty]

Argh... Who do i want to lie to?
I freakin know that my feeling for her is different, special.
About the others, i dont really think i feel the same thing..
And i cant force myself to stay with them. Maybe as friends, but thats another thing. I would be lying to both girls, and myself as well. And my girl, too..
Yeah.. I should talk to them. I should be frantic with them. But i dont want to make them sad, i just dont want to live a lie, nor force them to it, either.
I think it's the best thing to do, surely.
Thanks for supporting me on this, guys.

Yes, all good relationships are built on honesty and trust, you can't have one without the other. Being honest and upfront with all of these girls is the right thing to do.