Wow this kind of turned into an old memories thread. I don't think you guys really want to take too much of a trip down memory lane with me. Though I guess I could recall a couple of scarce good memories when a couple of few people talked to me online. I guess you could say I had a couple of pleasant conversations. I guess I did talk with Jorge a good deal at one point, in the end really I guess you could say we were never as close as I thought we were. I'll leave it at that......I would like to think though I remained friends with people like Il Palazzo and Tazz but have lost touch with them..... Though those days are long gone when I wanted to actually fit in here and have people like me. I have tried to be nice, I tried to be a jerk, and now it is just a matter of popping in this forum and out just randomly dropping lines in threads until forgetting again.
Though to some I was never nice. I guess you could say that no matter how many apologies I made and how many attempts I made to make amends just to at least say I tried, it just wasn't worth it for either party in the end. I was just getting frustrated and people had already made up their minds about me. Still have.....
Oh and in case you guys were wondering I originally came here years ago because yes, I do love the Castlevania series. My original intent was to share that with others. It even got exciting when I got to participate in ideas people had, projects, random humorous chats, etc. You know it was actually cool to even see people trying to include me. I guess I can't fault them for the efforts. The efforts aren't forgotten. I still appreciate it. I did feel I had a lot to offer. But I trolled that all away long ago. God 1999 or 1998 seems like ages ago. But I could say that when I first came I didn't say "You know I think I'll build a legacy of annoyance here, fight with people, get them to hate and be so disgusted with me that they will be cruel and unforgiving, play games, fail at friendships, etc." No.....I didn't but it happened. We can't take that back now. I don't think we'll ever move on. We'll just deal with whatever we have to work with at the scarce times I'm here.
I guess you could say my take on the forums is kind of like life. They are what you make of them. You make the experiences great or you taint them. In the end, what you hope to gain from these forums is really up to you and how much you want to put into an Internet Forum. They are only shit for you if you make your experiences there shitty ones without trying to change things for the better. To make yourself happy with what you're given.
I really hope someone reads this though I could see tl;dr, nobody cares, meh being the thought process when even seeing a post from me like this. That's understandable. Though this is probably the first time I've actually spoken from the heart.
I'm glad I am still here so I could at least say my piece. Hopefully, I will never have to again.....It is just easier for everyone for me not to talk about this any more. Many memories for me about my past dealings with people around here were not positive. Its just a bunch of old wounds. I wish I could say I was a part of this "dungeon family" but I have always been just a blight as far as these communities are concerned. I can admittedly say other than the project with Jorge, I have probably not once ever contributed anything positive to these forums ever. Hence why I am loathed. If I could have it be different would I? Maybe. But we can't go back any more and the damage can never be repaired at this point.