Topic: Them girly creatures

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

And this is that hard road where people on the left like me look at you and go "They still make people like you?"
And people on the hard right are like "You're not being uptight enough!".

There is no good, there is no evil... there is only FLESH.

[X]

I am in agreement with everybody here about this girl. No real good can come from a relationship with such an uptight person. You've mentioned far more negatives about her then positives and this is ringing Nuclear air-raid klaxons in the back of my head. She's not ready for such a commitment of any kind until she "loosens up" a bit. If you say she is a really good friend then keep it that way. You need to find a woman who's on your level or more loose then you. They're the most fun to have around as they won't shove conservative religious opinions and dogmatic rules down your throat and expect you to digest it. That will just make you sick in the end. And why limit yourself to marrying someone of your faith? Why not just marry a woman whom shares your likes and dislikes. Someone who's not going to get on your case about the finer things in life that you enjoy. Someone who will be willing to share your life no-matter how 'abnormal' and 'freaky' it is. 

[Abnormal Freak]

One reason for marrying one of my faith is just my overall happiness. I know I won't be happy with an uptight and/or uppity believer, but neither will I enjoy being with a nonbeliever, particularly if children come into the equation.

There's also just the biblical principal of being unequally yoked; you can't have an ox and a donkey pulling a plow because they'll be at odds. Likewise you can't have a Christ-centered marriage work if you're not on the same page regarding your relationship with God. I know too many people who have married unbelievers and have been unhappy because of it; they love their spouse very much, but huge differences crop up in how to raise kids and the believer is ceaselessly praying for salvation for the other.

[Abnormal Freak]

And yeah, we're great friends, and one thing I DEFINITELY don't want to do is ruin that by dating her if it's not gonna work out. To answer a question raised earlier if I'd be happier having her or happier knowing she's with another guy who's better suited, it's definitely the latter; I don't want to be unfair to her by constantly being at odds just as I'd hate that for myself from her.

Blah... The more I rationalize things, the more obvious it becomes that it just ain't gonna work; not that I have to ditch the idea altogether but to put it on the backburner and see how things develop by themselves. If we stay friends, that's perfectly cool; hopefully I won't freak out and feel that I've missed my only chance. God may not intend for the two of us to be together, but one thing I definitely sense is that He's using our friendship and conflict resolving to prepare us for whoever it is we DO marry (if indeed we ever do).

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

I cannot follow you down that rabbit-hole, but I will agree that your current relationship experiences do strengthen your future ones.  Live a little.  If you wanna date her, try it out.  So what if it might not work out?  There's some risk but the payoff might be cool.

And who knows?  Maybe she'll loosen up, just how I hope you'll loosen up.  Uptight freak, you.

[GuyStarwind]

Man if I was a girl you guys would hate me. I'm over zealous in the gospel and in the church.

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

I wouldn't hate you; I just wouldn't date you.

[Abnormal Freak]

Nothing wrong with a bit of zeal if it's focused on and culled from what Scripture actually teaches. But religious zeal (I'm talking Old Testament zeal here, held on to by sects of Judaism) isn't required of believers, and while I'm very adherent to Scripture, zealous I am not. I'm more laid-back and would need a girlfriend or wife equally so, I think.

[GuyStarwind]

Yeah I've been trying to tone it down a bit. 

[Inccubus]

I think porn (actual porn, not some dumb exploitation movie with lots of nudity) is going too far for most women...

You'd be surprised just how untrue this statement is. I know plenty of chicks that even like watching porn with their significant other. And, yes, some of them are even Christian. It has absolutely nothing to do with devotion or love either. Be honest, have you ever watched a porn video and suddenly felt less in love with someone? Probably not. But if you have, rest assured that you weren't really that into them to begin with.

But on the other areas I agree. Something that bugs me about the girl I'm really into is I'll sometimes bring up that it bugs me the way she gets after me about what I like, and she'll say, "But you don't like what I like!" to which I point out to her that I don't try to take that away from her; she's free to enjoy what she does, I realize it brings her great joy and it makes me smile because of it.

Deep Blue Something - Breakfast At Tiffany's

And I do agree that she must be pretty insecure if she's whipping up such a fury about boobs in movies. I've told her, "If I date a woman, it will be no small decision, and if her and I get married, I will be with her the rest of my life making it work out in any way I can and my love, devotion, and sexual attention will be HERS. No exceptions. And something I see in a movie isn't going to make me think, 'Gee, I wish my wife had knockers like those!' If a husband sees some outrageously pretty woman walking down the street and turns his head to notice, his wife shouldn't have fear because she ought to be comfortable in the fact that out of ALL the women in the world, he chose HER to be with." To which she replies, "I know the guy probably won't be that way, but to the girl it will ALWAYS be that way, always on her mind. She'll be comparing herself to these other women and being upset at even the THOUGHT that her husband could be doing the same." Which definitely sounds more like insecurity than something religious; I've thought about asking other Christian women I know (those my age, I mean) about this and find out what they have to say, but part of me's kinda timid about it, thinking that might be a little inappropriate. (And yeah, before anyone thinks it's all too weird we're discussing marriage both in a general sense and pondering about it when it comes to the two of us together, we're both of the mindset that we don't want to date anyone unless marriage is a good possibility, marriage being "the ultimate goal." So it'd be a little more like courting in that sense, though not strictly so.)

I recommend you both read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319

It would do her good especially, because she seems to be locking herself into a pattern of thinking that is inviting jealousy and conflict.
Asking other women your age is a great idea. There's no need to be shy about it either. You're adults after all.

And she sees these as moral issues; my interest in exploitative entertainment has to do with spiritual immaturity, she claims, thinking God doesn't want that for my life. The odd thing is, over all the years I've given it extensive thought, I've never once felt God ring alarm bells like He has other areas of my life that I see now needed change, rather I'm always feeling guilted by other believers who have more a traditional way of thinking. I've told her this and said that even if I were to get rid of "objectionable" entertainment, it won't necessarily change me or kill my desire to enjoy those things, because I'd be doing it for her and not for God, and can she live with that? to which I haven't yet gotten an answer.

No offense to your faith, but one of the things that has always bothered me about the average Christian is the incessant presumption that they know God wants or thinks, much less what God might want or think for someone else. That sort of attitude of insisting the all minutia is a moral problem that only millennia old scripture that has been edited and reinterpreted countless times by those in power gives you the moral authority to dictate what is right and wrong for others was one of the things that cemented my rejection of organized religion. Plus half the time the Christians that have this sort of attitude don't even know what they're talking about since they, more often than not, haven't studied the oldest known versions of their own scripture and are just regurgitating what they've been told by their church officiators, but I digress somewhat.

[Abnormal Freak]

I know plenty of chicks that even like watching porn with their significant other.

No girl I wanna date, that's for sure.

[Inccubus]

No girl I wanna date, that's for sure.

Your loss, brother. But to each, his own.
Updated my above post.

PS- the chicks that dig strip clubs are even better.
Going to a strip club without a girl = a complete waste.
Going to a strip club WITH a chick = freakin' awesome.
I've done each once.

[Bloodreign]

If a girls' got problems with your hobbies, she's not worth having a life with. I was together with my ex 3 years, she knew I loved collecting games and even helped me with my hobby (what led to our demise, she kinda had the mind of a child at times with her family knowing about me other than her step brother. She was 6 years older than me as well, so no excuse not to have a more mature mind).

If I ever dated a chick, and she was an athiest, the moment she tells me I evolved from some monkey or cesspool, out she goes. Frankly I'm sick of the entire Christian vs Athiest debate as no one wins.

[GuyStarwind]

If I ever dated a chick, and she was an athiest, the moment she tells me I evolved from some monkey or cesspool, out she goes. Frankly I'm sick of the entire Christian vs Athiest debate as no one wins.

Amen my friend

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

**resists urge to post Bill Nye Creationism video**
EDIT: **fails**

Bill Nye: Creationism Is Not Appropriate For Children