Topic: Adam and Eve were trippin' balls!

[TheouAegis]

Not meaning to be offensive to anyone, although really if you get offended by this post you sat down wrong on the stick up your ass.

So I was just letting my mind wander this morning and I realized something. Adam and Eve, according to the Bible, ate the fruit of the Tree of Truth or something like that (two trees, Life and Truth, or something). God saw Adam covering himself up. God was  upset because he liked oggling Adam's junk. God chastised Adam and kicked him out of Eden. Historians will have you believe it was a pear or something. Romanticists call it an apple for some reason, I think the KJV called it that.

But here's the thing: Adam and Eve ate a fruit from a tree. Not all fruits are like apples or pears or oranges or even bananas or figs. We never were told what kind of tree it was, just that it was the Tree of Knowledge or something. The other tree was the Tree of Life and it kept Adam & Eve alive for a long time, but God told them they shouldn't eat from the other tree.

Okay, think about that bit for a sec. Adam and Eve ate a fruit they weren't supposed to eat. As a result of eating that fruit, their perception of not just the world around them but of themselves was altered. It seems pretty obvious to me -- Adam and Eve ate poisonous berries and were trippin' balls.

Here's how I think God's conversation really went:

God: "Greetings, my little Adam. How are things down there on -- hey, why are you hiding your man-worm?"
Adam: "My fingers are rainbows!"
God: "Okay... Yeah, I think it's time for you to go now."
Adam: "Holy shit that sword's on fire!"

[X]

God: "Greetings, my little Adam. How are things down there on -- hey, why are you hiding your man-worm?"
Adam: "My fingers are rainbows!"
God: "Okay... Yeah, I think it's time for you to go now."
Adam: "Holy shit that sword's on fire!"

lol! trippin' Ballz!

On a different note, my thoughts on the garden of Eden has nothing to do with that Roman biblical rubbish. Thousands of years ago there was an area  in the upper, middle-east simply called 'the fertile crescent' This is where I feel the story originated from. Then something happened. Climate change, famine, heck even a primitive nuclear attack like the ones that decimated the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah (radioactive soil was discovered at those two sites) could have sparked a sporadic decline of vegetation in that area. And thus, all that remains today is a wasteland. If humans were living in the fertile crescent during this time then they would have no choice but to leave in order to find more fertile stomping grounds in order to survive. Hence them being cast out. Not by god but by severe change.

Then you have another theory by conspirators and ufologists feeling that the early peoples of the time were kept as slaves in a wildlife refuge of sorts while their masters (God) watched over them. But once they discovered the truth of their reality (eating the fruit) they rebelled and were thrown out of the refuge to die (being caste out of the garden) But of course humans didn't die as they adapted and have continued to survive in even the most harshest of circumstances mush to the dismay of their slave runners. The bible just takes the origin story (whatever it may be) and turns it on its head. No offense to the diehard Christians but a God of infinite love, mercy and knowledge does not cast out his/her own children for discovering the world through their curiosity which God gave them in the first place. It doesn't make any logical sense and it is just not done. Only humans would do that because we are flawed and thus WE messed up the biblical story.

Not meaning to be offensive to anyone, although really if you get offended by this post you sat down wrong on the stick up your ass.

None of this is happening with me as I'm in a fairly good mood today. I guess that is what happens when you dream about being Darth Vader and using your Force powers to do whatever you want. 

[Gunlord]

Tree of Life, aegis-kun. Tree of life.

I wonder what would happen if they ate from my tree of prunyuus...

[Mooning Freddy]

You made me laugh my ass off TheouAegis. Well done. 

Seriously though, all I can say about the tree of knowledge is that there are two interpretation to the story, the classic one and the alternative one.

The classic interpretation was that the fruit gave adam and eve the ability to see the difference between right and wrong, good and evil, an ability that God reserved to himself and meant for humans to live without understanding it.

The alternative says that the fruit made adam and eve aware of their sexuality. i.e. before eating the fruit they were only friends, without knowledge of sexuality and ability to have children. After eating from the fruit they discovered sexual attraction. A good support for this theory is that the word "daat"- in the bible referred both to knowledge and sexual intercourse. Often in the bible it is said "And then he had known her" or "Let him out so we may know him" in the meaning of sex or in some cases rape. 

[Gunlord]

Oopseh, freddy-sama was right...they ate from the Tree of Knowledge, the Tree of Life was something different. u_u

[Kale]

Not really one to be offended by much, but that first paragraph of yours seems set out to offend people.  Despite waht you say right be fore it. =/

[A-Yty]

Robot Chicken: Original Criticism

[Arma]

"My fingers are rainbows!" LOL

There are so many versions of the origin, we can either pick one and stick with it or make up our own. I don't think there's a way to find out what the heck really happened.

"The bible just takes the origin story (whatever it may be) and turns it on its head. No offense to the diehard Christians but a God of infinite love, mercy and knowledge does not cast out his/her own children for discovering the world through their curiosity which God gave them in the first place. It doesn't make any logical sense and it is just not done. Only humans would do that because we are flawed and thus WE messed up the biblical story."

I have to agree with this.