Topic: TO BUY A GIRL

[Ed Oscuro]

ACT I: THE SETUP

[22:12] * jimpoon is now known as jim
[22:12] <jim> OMFG
[22:12] <jim> i am still roflinig
[22:12] <jim> so i go to meet her at the club and who shows up
[22:12] <jim> but HER FUCKING BOYFRIEND
[22:13] <EdOscuro> jimmy
[22:13] <jim> he's like 6'5, trying to intimindate me through subtext and shit
[22:13] <EdOscuro> this isn't just bad luck, is it
[22:13] <jim> "hey hows it goin"
[22:13] <jim> "you met my girlfriend?"
[22:13] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> [21:13]   <jim>   he's like 6'5, trying to intimindate me through subtext and shit
[22:13] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> [21:13]   <EdOscuro>   this isn't just bad luck, is it
[22:13] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> [21:13]   <jim>   "hey hows it goin"
[22:13] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> WOW WHAT A FUCKING PRICK
[22:13] <jim> little does he know im cool as a fan
[22:13] <EdOscuro> subtext
[22:14] <EdOscuro> jimmy did you get the footage
[22:14] <EdOscuro> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwQL3N57TQE
[22:14] <jim> so hes like, "cmon lets go to the club"
[22:14] <jim> we all walk in and start talking and shit
[22:14] <jim> and i slowly realize this guy is a huge fucking pussy
[22:15] <jim> who couldnt even kick my ass  if he tried
[22:15] <EdOscuro> did you stuff a ball gag in his mouth and ride him like a pony
[22:15] <jim> so yeah we're talking for a while and im like yo i have to take a piss
[22:16] <jim> so i go to the back and hall and i see these two strippers by the bathroom
[22:16] <jim> and i get a fuckin genius idea
[22:16] <jim> im like, "yo ill pay you 40 bucks if you to that 5'6 faggot with the polo shirt next to the blonde"
[22:16] <EdOscuro> yeah? yes? you said yes
[22:16] <jim> "and be like 'hey long time no see'"
[22:17] * Nitro (8a05f1d3@webchat.mibbit.com) Quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
[22:17] <EdOscuro> haha
[22:17] <jim> 'you still want that lapdance?'
[22:17] <EdOscuro> rofl
[22:17] <jim> at first she refuses
[22:17] <jim> and i haggle a little bit
[22:17] <jim> "okay 60"
[22:17] <EdOscuro> shoulda been like it's my friend
[22:17] <jim> "sorry"
[22:17] <jim> "70?"
[22:17] <jim> then she pauses
[22:17] <EdOscuro> yeah I know how haggling works jimmy
[22:17] <EdOscuro> you ended up paying $2000
[22:17] <jim> and shes like, "okay, fine, 80"
[22:18] <jim> this is a lot of fuckin money but i reckon its worth it
[22:18] <EdOscuro> jimmy you shoulda been like
[22:18] <jim> so i tell her to wait until i take a piss and come back so i can see this shit
[22:18] <EdOscuro> yo that's my brother over there, we're playing a prank on him
[22:18] <EdOscuro> but hey whatever works, I guess...

ACT II: DAGWOOD'S GAMBIT

[22:19] <jim> so yeah i go over there, sit down and start chatting with both of them
[22:19] <jim> then that stripper comes up and does her thing
[22:19] <jim> "you liked that dance i gave you the other night honey"
[22:19] <jim> im trying to keep a straight face
[22:20] <jim> the blonde chick im trying to fuck gets all shocked
[22:20] <jim> the dude is kinda speechless at first
[22:20] <jim> then hes like
[22:20] <jim> "okay how much did he pay you to say that"
[22:20] <jim> im thinking fuck this guy is perceptive
[22:20] <jim> this may not work
[22:20] <jim> BUT THE BLONDE DOESNT BUY IT
[22:20] <jim> she gets fucking pissed and storms out of the club
[22:21] <jim> and the dude shoots me this furious look and runs after her
[22:21] <jim> im laughing my ass off
[22:21] <jim> and get this
[22:21] <EdOscuro> i'm sitting down
[22:21] <jim> there was this other stripper next to the bathroom who heard the whole thing
[22:21] <jim> so she fucking narcs on me
[22:21] <jim> and the bouncer throws me out of the club
[22:21] <jim> onto the curb
[22:21] <jim> so im blazed and still laughing my ass off
[22:21] <EdOscuro> mission accomplished?
[22:21] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> all american badass
[22:22] <jim> i dunno, im probably gonna call her again
[22:22] <jim> dunno what to say yet

ACT III: THE REACTION

[22:22] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> ...
[22:22] <EdOscuro> i agree with ocelot
[22:22] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
[22:23] <jim> once my head clears im gonna mack on her
[22:23] <jim> with any luck the boyfriend is out of the picture
[22:24] <ShangTang> real alphas dont care if the boyfriend is in the picture
[22:25] <jim> i already knew she had a boyfriend nigga
[22:25] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> jimmy what are you gonna do if they're still together
[22:25] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> and they figured out you're a passive agressive goony fag
[22:25] <jim> not giving up
[22:26] <EdOscuro> hahaha
[22:26] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> GOON JUSTICE
[22:26] <EdOscuro> jimmy
[22:26] <EdOscuro> you're gonna run up a huge fuckin debt
[22:26] <EdOscuro> and still no girl
[22:26] <ted> ...
[22:27] <ted> jimmy
[22:27] <ted> just
[22:27] <ted> i cant even laugh at this shit anymore bro
[22:30] <jim> ill give it 4 days tops
[22:30] <jim> then im hittin that
[22:31] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> nitro serisouly you can cut it out now
[22:31] <kiru> oh my god
[22:31] <kiru> I scrolled up
[22:31] <kiru> Maestro you magnificent animal
[22:32] <kiru> Im gonna
[22:33] <kiru> copy and paste that story
[22:33] <kiru> put it on phamplets
[22:33] <kiru> and throw it from the top of the highest building
[22:33] <kiru> so the people of the world can know what trolling means
[22:33] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> congrats
[22:33] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> you are the best troll alive
[22:34] <kiru> I hope this isnt like the departed
[22:34] <EdOscuro> already posted it on forumz
[22:34] <kiru> where the Maestro is so deep in that he forgets he's trolling

[Slayer]

*deleted*

[Gunlord]

Can I post this on my LJ? This is fucking HILARIOUS XD XD XD

[Slayer]

Yeah, I guess permission should be given for posting this elsewhere.  I'm actually kind of nervous about putting this on 4chan, actually; don't want user names for users passed about to /b/, afterall.

[Ed Oscuro]

Bad news:

The stripper got fired.

More bad news:

Jimmy says he made it up, now.

But we did have more fun with it -

[22:35] <kiru> and the president from the west wing gets thrown off a parking lot
[22:35] <jim> this is the straight up truth niggas
[22:35] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> I WAS AS COOL AS A FAN
[22:35] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> SUDDENLY TIME SLOWED DOWN
[22:36] <EdOscuro> hahahaha
[22:36] <EdOscuro> ACT ONE
[22:36] <EdOscuro> THE SETUP
[22:36] <EdOscuro> ACT TWO
[22:36] <EdOscuro> DAGWOOD'S GAMBIT
[22:36] <kiru> ACT THREE
[22:36] <kiru> THE PLAN
[22:36] <kiru> THERE IS NO PLAN
[22:36] <kiru> I IMPROVISE
[22:36] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> ACT FOUR
[22:36] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> THE PAST
[22:36] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> ACT FOUR
[22:36] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> IS NOT THERE
[22:36] <kiru> roflk
[22:36] <EdOscuro> haha
[22:37] <kiru> cool as a fan is my new title
[22:37] <EdOscuro> where I posted this I divided the txts into ACTS
[22:37] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> cool as a fan is my new way of life
[22:37] <EdOscuro> cool as a FAN FOR HER FEUDAL LORD
[22:37] <EdOscuro> jimmy reads ezra pound u c
[22:37] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> best writer alive
[22:38] <jim> yo what should i say when i call her again
[22:38] <EdOscuro> TO BUY A GIRL
[22:38] <kiru> SHES 15
[22:38] <EdOscuro> i'm optioning the screenplay
[22:38] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> "i'm as cool as a fan"
[22:38] <EdOscuro> hahahaha
[22:38] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> also you probably shouldn't call her cause her parents might pick up and it's a school night
[22:38] <jim> nigga how many times i gotta tell you
[22:38] <jim> shes 21
[22:38] <kiru> minus 6
[22:38] <EdOscuro> lol
[22:38] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> yeah kiru's got it right
[22:39] <kiru> 6 being the number of bullets in dagwoods pistol
[22:39] <kiru> all the bullets he needs
[22:39] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> 6 being the blades on a fan that regulate the badassness in a strip club
[22:39] <EdOscuro> jimmy always makes sure to get her back to the ranch by 8
[22:39] <EdOscuro> http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/07/texas.ranch/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
[22:39] <ted> 6 being the number of points on the star of david
[22:40] <EdOscuro> six being the number of benjamins he'll drop for his girl
[22:40] <kiru> six being the number of tylenols it takes to cure his fever
[22:40] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> 6 being the amount of meds in grams jimmy has to take to even approach normal
[22:40] <EdOscuro> six being the number of lines he did off that stripper's back
[22:41] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> six being the pounds of hamburger required for ejaculatino
[22:41] <kiru> six being the number that was in the past
[22:41] <EdOscuro> six being the number of felines required for an atmospheric getaway
[22:41] <ted> 6 being the minutes of rumbling it takes to get jimmy to nut
[22:41] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> six being the amount amount of *s in FUCKING
[22:42] <kiru> 6 being the number of therapy dog heads that have shown up on jimmys front door
[22:42] <EdOscuro> six being the number of inches her boyfriend has on jimmy
[22:42] <EdOscuro> both ways
[22:42] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> six being the number of human emotions jimmy can mimick with C++ almost perfectly
[22:44] <[BTFzor]Ocelot> brb
[22:53] <EdOscuro> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZDngpTmpzQ
[22:57] <jim> oshit i just realized
[22:57] <jim> that stripper prolly got fired

[Gunlord]

he was making it up? awwww

[Slayer]

awwww...as real, that is EPIC!!!
...as note real...meh, kinda funny...
...if it was real, though, you're friend would have been deemed an Epic Troll!

[The Last Belmont]

awwww...as real, that is EPIC!!!
...as note real...meh, kinda funny...
...if it was real, though, you're friend would have been deemed an Epic Troll!

that's pretty funny, yeah I used to do shit like that back in the day when I was still in my teens. Trick is to find a chick who doesn't seem like she's that committed to her boyfriend and will stray. Shame it ain't real though.

[Ed Oscuro]

he was making it up? awwww

It's possible he just decided that it was too embarrassing...