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Offline GuyStarwind

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I need some help
« on: July 22, 2013, 06:08:58 PM »
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I normally don't make topics like this but I'm so incredibly sad that I thought I'd see if you guys could cheer me up. Pretty much things were going great with this girl... or so I thought. She pretty much said she lost whatever feelings she had for me but still wants to be friends. So, more or less I'm in the friend zone. Should I continue trying to have something happen or should I just abandon all of this? I consider you guys friends and ask what I should do.

Offline Dracula9

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2013, 06:46:15 PM »
+1
Well, I wouldn't exactly use the term "friendzone," since you were actually with her for a period of time (it's typically used by guys who can't get into a girl's pants so they use it to make themselves look like the victim. Typically). In any case, though, I would at the very least remain in contact if you honestly do care for her. Don't continually try to keep pushing the issue, or you can run the risk of pushing her away. Remain friends, but see if you can find out what caused the sudden lack of interest. Don't be outright about it, but don't remain dead silent about it waiting for her to just tell you. Use your best judgment and try and pinpoint the root cause. I won't go Hallmark special and tell you if it's meant to be it's meant to be or anything like that, but if you had something good that suddenly ended, there's always the chance of salvaging it. Just keep in contact with her for the time being. Better a friend than nothing, after all.

This is all coming from a guy who's spent nineteen years single, so this is all coming from reflection and introspection rather than experience. Don't know how helpful that makes any of this, but I'll help you how I can, man.


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Offline Lelygax

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2013, 06:58:43 PM »
+1
Discover the root of what caused this, think if you can do something about it (be realist) and reflect if this is really what you want to do, in that order. Then you will know if you want to be atleast a friend, if you still have a chance or if its better to let her go completely.

Think like that: Love is like a bud, lets call it a love bud, if its not treated with care it will not flourish and will die. If it dies it will start to rot, you need to remove it before it rots.

You are in a stage where this bud is starting to become dry, so you need to check if theres still water to wet it or if its better to remove the bud before its too late.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2013, 07:04:58 PM by Lelygax »
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Offline GuyStarwind

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2013, 07:25:59 PM »
+1
Both of you are very right and I thank you both. I'll be patient for the time being and see how things work.  Thank you.

Offline Lelygax

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2013, 07:37:05 PM »
+1
You are welcome, we are here for that, give help, in the same way that you guys helped me before. :)
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Offline Dracula9

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2013, 07:59:10 PM »
+1
No problem, man. I know how that feeling goes (just on another part of the spectrum).

And also, Lelygax, that was actually a really good analogy.


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Offline Lelygax

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2013, 08:11:23 PM »
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No problem, man. I know how that feeling goes (just on another part of the spectrum).

And also, Lelygax, that was actually a really good analogy.

Thanks, thats from Umineko. I only put it with my own words and a (maybe) easier way to understand :P
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Offline Jorge D. Fuentes

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2013, 09:27:35 PM »
+1
Sometimes relationships just unravel.
It's no one's fault, but people just realize that they're not in love with one another.

Sometimes you gotta just move on.  You drift, you become friends... but it's not the same as before.
You may have to spend some time apart (as in, not really being friends with her) in order to get over the loss.  Not out of hatred, just to get your ducks in a row.  Something like a few months.  Do things with your life, take up a course, start a new hobby.  Not to forget, but to help you cope a bit if you're still feeling the sting and to get some personal growth.

This is probably not what you wanted to hear, just a little advice.
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Offline GuyStarwind

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2013, 10:08:37 PM »
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Sometimes relationships just unravel.
It's no one's fault, but people just realize that they're not in love with one another.

Sometimes you gotta just move on.  You drift, you become friends... but it's not the same as before.
You may have to spend some time apart (as in, not really being friends with her) in order to get over the loss.  Not out of hatred, just to get your ducks in a row.  Something like a few months.  Do things with your life, take up a course, start a new hobby.  Not to forget, but to help you cope a bit if you're still feeling the sting and to get some personal growth.

This is probably not what you wanted to hear, just a little advice.
I've actually thought about doing something to get my mind of things. I'm going to Disney World in August so I hope that might help. I've asked my brothers about it too. They're telling me mixed things so I thought I'd ask around here too.

Offline Pfil

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2013, 10:11:53 PM »
+1
I'd love to give you an advise, since I really like you, but life hasn't been fair with me when it comes to love.
Now I'm tired, eternally walking... forever dying, and never stopping. I feel in sorrow, all I see is white. I’m following a blind way beneath a sad sky.


Offline Aridale

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2013, 10:38:08 PM »
+1
I dont think lifes fair with anyone when it comes to love. My take on your situation depends on how long youve known this girl and exactly what kinda relationship you had before she said she just wants to be friends. Its entirely possible she was just bein nice and never meant more than friends

As for what you should do: Ive had my fair share of relationships in my 33 years and Ive always without a doubt found its better to make a clean break when it ends. If she wants to be friends but you want more itll never be right between you 2. Shell be in friend mode and youll be in 'try to make her love me again' mode and those 2 modes will never overlap

So it all depends on what you guys actually were to each other legitimately... How long it lasted etc. If it was a month long fling just suck it up and move on shes over it and you should be too. Dont dwell on it. If it was a serious committed relationship lasting years or many months its understandable to feel down about it but know beyond anything... her feelings didnt just up and change overnight. Somewhere in the whole thing the communication from 1 side or both wasnt there and thats why you are where you are now

Relationships end but feelings (real feelings) dont change overnight. If you try to get her to change her mind or try to pressure her into openin up and talkin now after the fact all its gonna do is make her less likely to want anything to do with you in any way

It all comes down to walk away. Tell her you have enough friends and you dont need anymore and then delete her from fb/cell/etc and put it out of your mind. Youll either move on and find somethin else or the clean break and time apart will drive her crazy and shell realize she was wrong and want you back. Either way you win =D

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Offline GuyStarwind

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2013, 12:41:02 AM »
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I dont think lifes fair with anyone when it comes to love. My take on your situation depends on how long youve known this girl and exactly what kinda relationship you had before she said she just wants to be friends. Its entirely possible she was just bein nice and never meant more than friends

As for what you should do: Ive had my fair share of relationships in my 33 years and Ive always without a doubt found its better to make a clean break when it ends. If she wants to be friends but you want more itll never be right between you 2. Shell be in friend mode and youll be in 'try to make her love me again' mode and those 2 modes will never overlap

So it all depends on what you guys actually were to each other legitimately... How long it lasted etc. If it was a month long fling just suck it up and move on shes over it and you should be too. Dont dwell on it. If it was a serious committed relationship lasting years or many months its understandable to feel down about it but know beyond anything... her feelings didnt just up and change overnight. Somewhere in the whole thing the communication from 1 side or both wasnt there and thats why you are where you are now

Relationships end but feelings (real feelings) dont change overnight. If you try to get her to change her mind or try to pressure her into openin up and talkin now after the fact all its gonna do is make her less likely to want anything to do with you in any way

It all comes down to walk away. Tell her you have enough friends and you dont need anymore and then delete her from fb/cell/etc and put it out of your mind. Youll either move on and find somethin else or the clean break and time apart will drive her crazy and shell realize she was wrong and want you back. Either way you win =D

I've known this girl since this last year but I've only been involved in said relationship for the past few months. In all honesty this is wonderful advice. I really mean it. It's honest and that's what I need. She said I wasn't very good at making decisions. In all honesty she's right. I'm a easy going guy that doesn't care what we do. So, perhaps that was the problem. She really didn't say.  She only said the flame was gone. She is however one of the friends of my other friends so I'm going to be seeing her regardless. I guess I'll try to make the best of the situation and if it works great but if not life goes on.

@Pfil: I hear ya. I've only had really one serious relationship and I made horrible choices and it didn't end well. I'm going to give you an upvote but it's for a cyber hug and not me liking your misery. If that makes sense?

Really thank you everyone so much. Your help has been most wanted. I've been pretty bummed and not amounting to much. But really thank you. I have a job interview tomorrow so maybe this loss will turn into a victory

Offline Dark Nemesis

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2013, 02:45:17 AM »
+1
I've been in a  same situation 2 years ago and my advise from my personal experience is, that if you still have feelings about her, then let her go away, don't stay friends, it will only hurt you and go for the worst and don't try to change her mind, since nothing good will come from it.

 I know that this might not be what you want to hear, but truth 99% of the time is not what we want to hear.
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Offline GuyStarwind

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2013, 08:44:04 AM »
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I've been in a  same situation 2 years ago and my advise from my personal experience is, that if you still have feelings about her, then let her go away, don't stay friends, it will only hurt you and go for the worst and don't try to change her mind, since nothing good will come from it.

 I know that this might not be what you want to hear, but truth 99% of the time is not what we want to hear.

You're right. I'm going to try to refrain from contacting her. I mean I can't avoid her since she's friends with my friends but I will not go out of my way either.

Offline Dark Nemesis

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Re: I need some help
« Reply #14 on: July 23, 2013, 12:14:12 PM »
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The girl i was talking, is the best friend of the wife of a best friend of mine and she is going to baptize their child, so i can't avoid seeing her either, but neither i seek to speak with her. I look and talk to her whenever i see her like a stranger.
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