Topic: Confronting the Dark Lord Soma

[Twizman]

[Julius, Yoko and Alucard enter the throne room to find Soma there.]


Soma: You've come.

Julius: This ends now, Soma! I promised that I would destroy you if you became the dark lord!

Soma: Then fight me, Julius!

Julius: *grumble*

[Gaibon appears. Soma teleports at Julius and swings his Great Axe Armor axe. Julius dodges it. This repeats a few times.]

Soma: This isn't working.

Gaibon: {Why not try another weapon?}

Soma: Huh?

Gaibon: {You had a whole inventory of weapons and souls earlier. Why not use them?}

Soma: ...I see why Death kept you around.
[He reaches into his inventory and pulls out a rather large gun.]

Yoko: What's that?

Julius: The dark lord with a cannon... my ancestors never had to deal with this...

Alucard: Spread out. He cannot strike us all at once.

Soma: That's where you're wrong! This weapon fires grenades! There will be an area of effect! You cannot hope to survive!

Julius: It's... a grenade launcher?

Yoko: I would have expected a bit more of an evil twist from the dark lord.

Soma: Eat RPG, fools!
[He pulls the trigger.]

Soma and Gaibon attack!
JULIUS 800/800 100/100
YOKO 600/600 375/375
GENYA 750/750 200/200

[JULIUS, YOKO and GENYA are standing on the right side of the battlefield. Soma and Gaibon stand on the left.]

YOKO: "...the hell?"

GENYA: "His weapon has affected reality in some manner."

JULIUS: "Any idea what this means?"

GENYA: "The terms of the battle have changed. We must change our strategy and continue to fight."

Soma: "Gfu, fu, fu... nothing can stop the dark lord Soma!"

JULIUS: "At this point, I just want to shut him up."

YOKO: "Hey, why's your name GENYA again?"

GENYA: "I do not know. Perhaps there is a six-character limit."

YOKO
Fight
Magic
Item
Run

YOKO: "I guess I get the first attack."

JULIUS: "Typical. The women have the fastest speed."

YOKO: "I guess I fight."
[She steps forward and swings her staff in midair.]

JULIUS: "You may want to get a little closer first."
[Soma recoils in pain. The number "37" floats above his head. A green "37" floats above YOKO's head.]

Soma: "That barely hurt!"

JULIUS: "They can't hit hard, either."

Soma uses soul "Great Axe Armor"
[A large axe swings from his body. GENYA recoils. The number "462" floats from his body.]

GENYA: "Ouch! Why was I unable to dodge it this time?"

JULIUS
Fight
Eqpmnt
Item
Run

JULIUS: "'Eqpmnt' is not a word."

YOKO: "You should at least try it."

JULIUS: "Fine."

Dagger
Axe
Bmrang
HlyWtr
Cross

GENYA: "It appears to be your supply of backup weapons. With a few missing letters."

JULIUS: "I'll stick with the cross for now."

YOKO: "Why can't we all attack at the same time, anyway?"
[JULIUS raises his arm. A large cross lands in the center of the area and radiates holy light. Soma and Gaibon recoil. Soma takes 452 damage. Gaibon takes 497 damage.]

JULIUS: "That was a good start."

Gaibon breathes fire!
[Flames wash across everyone's body. JULIUS takes 135 damage. YOKO takes 84 damage. GENYA takes 85 damage.]

JULIUS: "Am I the weakest against magic here?"

GENYA
Fight
Vamp
Item
Run

GENYA: "Vamp?"

Soma: *snicker*

GENYA: "I think I'll just fight."
[GENYA swings his sword. Gaibon recoils and takes 209 damage.]

JULIUS: "Well, I guess that means everyone's attacked once. Now what?"

YOKO
Fight
Magic
Item
Run

YOKO: "My turn again. What magic should I use?"

Fire
Bolt
Ice
Cure

YOKO: "I have a Cure spell? I guess GENYA needs it."
[She waves her hand and GENYA gets a green 547 over his body.]

GENYA: "That is probably preferable to the damage you dealt last round."

Soma uses soul "Death"
[Death floats from the sky, wielding his scythe. He swings it at the party, then floats up again.]

Death: "Reduced to a mere cameo. I do not approve."
[He vanishes. Suddenly, JULIUS and YOKO fall to the ground. GENYA remains standing.]

GENYA: "...they died that easily?"

Soma: "I should have tried this thing much sooner! Death's downright deadly like this!"

Gaibon charges power!
[Gaibon becomes red.]

GENYA
Fight
Vamp
Item
Run

GENYA: "We are in no shape to fight. I must flee."
Can't run!

GENYA: "What? Then why did it give me the option?"

Soma uses soul "Puppet Master"
[The weird-looking boss drops down and rolls its head at GENYA, then vanishes. GENYA turns to face the right side of the screen.]

GENYA: "Why am I looking away from the battle?"

Gaibon breathes fire!
[Flames wash over GENYA's body again. He takes 170 damage.]

Soma: "Double damage. Typical."

GENYA: "I suppose it is my turn again. Maybe I should see if becoming a bat allows me to escape."

GENYA casts "Soul Steal".

GENYA: "What? I did no such thing!"
[GENYA's soul rises from his body, and then flies into GENYA's body. He then suddenly falls to the ground.]

Soma: "He... took his own soul... and died from it? This is more confusing than I thought."

Party is defeated.

Soma: "Wait... does that mean... I won? I actually won for once! Gaibon! Get the party hats!"

Gaibon: {Wow... the purchase didn't go to waste after all.}

Soma: "Tonight, we celebrate! Tomorrow, we move against humanity! Send the message to..."

Restore saved game?
Yes
No

Soma: "What? No! I actually won! You can't do this to me! NOOOOOOOOO!"

[Julius, Yoko and Alucard enter the throne room to find Soma there.]

Soma: You've come... again?

Julius: Uh, yeah. This time, how about you not use the stupid cannon thing?

Alucard: I agree.
Yoko: Me too.
Soma: As do I.
Gaibon: {No argument here.}


Note: I did not write this dialogue. I found it on a Gamefaqs Castlevania board. I don't know the author. 

[Twizman]

Well, I thought it was funny 

Don't all exclaim at once the brilliance of this story.

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

In Reply To #2
It's... Alright.
Probably would've had more punch with some graphics and stuff.