Topic: Lyrics

[Claimh Solais]

Well, I'm a lyricist in practice, and I've been attempting to write out an EP, but I can't seem to get a good feel for lyrics. So basically, I'm asking for some critique on a few songs I've written. The first one is this one down below. Some critique would be really nice. Thanks.

I'm best at writing love songs, since it seems to be a trend nowadays and I got tons of reference material. I also love conflicting matters. And for musical style, I'm trying to blend hard rock with the style of pop that my family seems to love so much.

Tell Me Goodbye

[Opening]
Letting you go, letting you go (Please somebody, please somebody)
Nah, I got this (Yeah!)
Still thinkin' 'bout this thing called love
It's got me shaken up (Please tell me there's a way)
And it's got my head just spinnin' round, round, round, round
(Please tell me there's a way)
Don't wanna take a fall, it's best we break it off
It's gonna be better for you to move on
(Please tell me there's a way)
My heart be breakin', breakin'; all apart we make it, make it
How can we recover it all?

[Verse 1]
Girl, I know that you don't want me.
I understand it too well.
I took in these words and cried as I fell.
It wasn't you that hurt me now,
I know it was me who hurt you.
I get it that there's nothing to do.
I should have known all of this on that day,
And I've got nothin', nothin' to say.

[Chorus]
Oh tell me goodbye, oh tell me goodbye
Losing everything that I know
Oh tell me goodbye, oh tell me goodbye
I let you go
You're leaving me, now it can't be
You turned and walked away from me, baby
Oh tell me goodbye, oh tell me goodbye

[Verse 2]
Girl, I won't even change your mind.
I can't do that to you.
Like I swore that I wouldn't make you blue.
I couldn't keep that promise,
Now I'm standing here alone.
Watching and praying that you wouldn't go.
I'll never forget your face, I want no one else.
I'll never find better, better than you.

[Chorus] (And it's so, it's so)

[Rap]
Sad it just ain't happenin', wish it could be better.
Sorry to be scrappin', but I jus' can't letcha.
You shouldn' be less than happy, how sad would that be?
I couldn' live with myself seein' you lackin'
The things you deseve, baby you be superb.
Best believe that it hurts, deeply, that's word.
I feel it achin' through my body, it just takes a big ol' part o' me
To be lettin' you go, I wish it weren't so.

[Verse 3]
You're not in my life and now I'm fading away (Away-ay-ay-ay)
You might not listen if I asked you to stay (Stay-ay-ay-ay)
I can see you now (Be free)
I wish that you could stay (With me)
And now I know you won't look back again (Ay-ay-ay-ay)

[Chorus]
Please somebody, please somebody
Please tell me there's a way.
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So yeah, that's the lyrics to that one. I really need critique on this one. Thanks.

[Mooning Freddy]

That's nice, but what style (vocal?) are you aiming at? I'd figure a way to interpret the lyrics as 90's backstreetboys' pop, Justin Timberlake style or, much better yet, 80's glam-rock? Or maybe that's rap?

I've got my own lyrics, but its poetry rather than songs.

[Claimh Solais]

The opening, it's pretty much a slow rap type, but not really like 50 Cent style, more of a Korean rap style.

Verse 1 is rather slow, boy-band style. I guess you could say Backstreet Boys style, but not really that... fruity. More of like, their better songs like Incomplete.

The chorus has the same type of voice as verse 1, but it's quiet and choir like when saying "Oh tell me goodbye", and louder and... not-choir like, on the other lines.

Verse 2 is pretty much the same as verse 1.

Rap's what it is. A rap.

Verse 3 is louder than the first two verses, but otherwise the same.