Topic: So I watched Resident Evil: Retribution

[Claimh Solais]

And I keep my stance on the Anderson franchise.

Action movies? Pretty good.
Resident Evil movies? Utter shit.

First: The Plot
At least the first four movies tried to have a plot that goes somewhere. This one? Plot was almost non-existent. The plot took a turn from decent to shit with Afterlife, and this movie did nothing to fix that.

Second: The Action Sequences
The fist-fight scenes are done very well. Whoever the choreographer was deserves a cookie. But the gunfights? They are a complete mess. They make Operation Raccoon City look top-notch. Jill, for example, literally just stands there firing off her machine pistols, moving her arms like she's power walking.

Third: Deaths
Like in every movie in the series, characters die. But in this one? It makes absolute no sense why some of the characters died, or even had to die.

Fourth: The Soundtrack
As always, the original tracks made for the movie were great. Except the credits theme. That one made my ears bleed. And then there were the occasional unnecessary rock tunes. It also would have been better if the tracks in the movie weren't just one track remixed multiple times.

The best parts of this movie?
The fist-fights toward the end. The character of Leon. The character of Ada. The character of Barry. Most of the soundtrack. That's about it.

There's my rant of Resident Evil: Retribution. Felt like getting that off of my chest.

[crisis]

HOHOHO i heard that the way this movie ended, there's gonna be a sixth film
and the way the sixth films ends, it'll prolly leave it open for a seventh
and the seventh will end with a cliffhanger, allowing for an eighth flick
after the credits roll in the eighth, there will be a bonus scene where Alice or whoever isn't really dead, but comes back but as the new villain
the ninth film will have an all-new cast, seeming like a reboot, until the final scene, which reveals that it's a prequel that takes place between the seventh and eighth answering some questions but also creating new ones
the tenth and final film will wrap up all loose ends, but also be a prequel to the first movie, which involves time-travel to prevent a crucial event from ever happening, thus changing the future & nullifying all the other movies
the eleventh will be a reboot

[Claimh Solais]

HOHOHO i heard that the way this movie ended, there's gonna be a sixth film
and the way the sixth films ends, it'll prolly leave it open for a seventh
and the seventh will end with a cliffhanger, allowing for an eighth flick
after the credits roll in the eighth, there will be a bonus scene where Alice or whoever isn't really dead, but comes back but as the new villain
the ninth film will have an all-new cast, seeming like a reboot, until the final scene, which reveals that it's a prequel that takes place between the seventh and eighth answering some questions but also creating new ones
the tenth and final film will wrap up all loose ends, but also be a prequel to the first movie, which involves time-travel to prevent a crucial event from ever happening, thus changing the future & nullifying all the other movies
the eleventh will be a reboot

That pretty much sums up this movie franchise.

I also forgot to mention the incredible amounts of slow-motion used in this film. Without that much slow-motion, I can imagine the movie would only be about half as long. Not to mention all the easily-noticed tacked on effects for the 3D version (every blade and their wielders are sent flying at the screen).

[Mooning Freddy]

There's a Russian movie site that I check out every once in a while. If there's one thing you can say about Russians, they're not afraid to say what they think. The movie got 3.65/10, and a reviewer named Pirat292 gave the following review (translated from Russian):


No storyline whatsoever, No connection between any events, all you see is guts, flesh and blood. The sight is so disgusting that you start moving uncomfortably. Moscow is full of shit, the Red Square destroyed, all zombies dressed in furry hats with cheap chainsaws, Lenin has been taken out of his sarcophagus, broken and fucked-up. All of this is just disgusting. Michelle Rodriguez has been somehow revived, as far as I can remember she's supposed to be dead since the first episode. Old, torn-apart and filled with steroids Jovovich is wearing terrible make-up that cannot be hidden by CGI, trying to act like a young stag, but can hardly move her legs. It's basically a ballet on ice with zombies (kinda feel bad for the zombies, they should be considered an endangered species and not appear in such movies). I wonder whether the world would have to follow that series with Jovovich and her husband for all eternity, since only a bullet in the head could stop those two. A movie for fruits, a public of complete cretins and idiots stupidly chugging beer and stuffing popcorn in their fat asses, farting loudly during the bloody scenery. In conclusion, shame, garbage and diarrhea. Anderson should stop filming such crap, Hollywood should forbid him from making any more movies and beat his stupid face. Jovovich should go make some porn movies or go back to her village to milk cows and grow cannabis. The movie makes me want to puke, and I can't believe I fell for the commercials promoting it and actually watched it.

[Claimh Solais]

Daaaayummmmmmmmmmm.

I don't dislike Jovovich, or Anderson for that matter (he made Mortal Kombat and The Three Musketeers, both of which were good, the latter featuring Jovovich as a character), but these movies are baaaaad. The first movie was actually great for an RE movie, but they went downhill as they went along.