Topic: Them girly creatures

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

You're not the loser.
You cannot think of it that way.

It's like when you go to a job interview; you may be great, but you're not great 'for that one position'.  Savvy?
You mentioned yourself that this girl was kind of crazy.  You're not meant to be her savior, and she just did not see you as someone to get romantically involved with (perhaps because you guys knew one another so well... after a while, she starts to see you as a weird brother-like figure).

As for the snaking, it seems women tend to do that.  At the beginning of this year I was talking to this one girl I was friends with for a while.  She had some surgery done (brain surgery) so I was concerned as a friend, more than anything.  I have fooled around with the girl a bit... not a home run but 2nd-3rd base, but since she got sick I kinda stopped doing that, but I still cared enough to visit her.

When her operation was successfully completed, I would visit her to her house. She was weak and frail so I came over and gave her some company (nothing naughty).  At one point she flat-out said she did not feel comfortable dating anyone, due to both her past, and her condition.

I understood that, and just hung out with her as friends for a while, but kept my distance because I wanted to pursue something more than just friendship (I have enough female friends).

I found out that this other guy (her personal trainer) started putting the moves on her and all of a sudden they were 'boyfriend and girlfriend'.  At first I was kind of upset, what with that whole talk she had about her past and her surgery impeding with things, etc... sounded like it was just talk to brush me off, etc...

Then I found out the guy tried to get too rough with her and she did not like that and dumped him, then started talking to me again and getting close.

At that point I realized that I'm not the problem, nor am I the loser; this girl just was prone to getting into trouble and making bad decisions (and avoiding good men like yours truly).  It was then that I decided to make myself unavailable to her; not to ignore her, but to just stop visiting, wait until she makes time, or sends a text, etc.  You know, just to see where her mind truly is regarding me, whether as a friend or otherwise.

I've not gotten a text from her since May.  It only confirms the revelation I already had.  You don't want to be with someone who doesn't find you the right fit.

Since then I've been with a few quality women, and I'm happier for it.

Freak, learn to move on.  It's not you, it's them.  You tried your best, but if you have obstacles like an annoying parent or something like that, then don't even bother.  Don't get too attached too early.

It's the secret to my success.

[Abnormal Freak]

It's the secret to my success.

*cue daytime talk show theme music*


Thanks for the vote of confidence, yo. What you said about me not being her savior is exactly what I've been telling myself the past couple months. It's been like my mantra.

And I certainly became that weird brother-like figure to her. She explained me as more like an annoying little brother than anything. That kind of irritated me and I don't think women understand how that could be a bad thing.


Making yourself unavailable to the girl is the right move. I've been likewise with this gal. Not that she's yet gotten into contact with me, but what jumpstarted my whole "I'm gonna give one last push" line of thinking was I had just days before made the decision to stop talking to her, at least for a time. Deleted her from Facebook and all that, just to protect myself. She caught wind of this and sent me an email BEGGING me not to let her go or stop being her friend, even though she hadn't treated me like a friend this entire year, never making time for me or allowing me to say my piece or anything. It was some serious crap, and after a few days of mulling over it, I figured perhaps I had her attention and we could speak about things.

So I dunno. Like I said, we haven't spoken in a few weeks, not since right after all this went down (everything I said in the last post, that is). I let her know at least that there wasn't any animosity between us, that that wasn't my intention—though without explaining what my intentions really were, because spilling that to her gets me nowhere and just makes me more vulnerable. So we'll see if she really does want to hang out, but honestly, I'll just politely decline or have some reason for why I can't make it, making myself unavailable, as you said. I can't allow myself to be toyed with; I'm a pretty frail guy and it cuts too deeply, and I need to move on.

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

The world can be a tough, cruel place.
Get thicker skin.

What is it that Denis Leary said?
"Life sucks, get a fuckin' Helmet, alright?"

I'm joking, but kinda not really.  You seem to be a decent guy, but you shouldn't get too involved.  And get out more, if you can.  Meet people.  Go to meetup.com and see if there are groups out there for stuff you like in your area, where you can make friends (especially more female friends).  It's a good way to start meeting some new people, and perhaps some quality women, who like sort of like the same things you do.  Who knows? You may meet someone that would find you the right fit for her and hit it off.

[DoctaMario]

@Freak She might have liked you in the beginning but you never made a move and it sounds like you've been friendzoned for longer than you think.

Either way, she doesn't give a damn about you. If she did she wouldn't be dating your friend and keeping you at arms' distance. You fucked up, but it sounds to me like you dodged a bullet because she sounds like a basketcase from your description. A basketcase is ok in the beginning but once you get tired of dealing with that shit, then what?

Don't call her. Dont talk to her. Don't see her. Don't Facebook her. If you do, you're just telling her that you have no self respect and if you don't respect yourself, then Why should she respect you? Do both of you a favor and cut her out of your life.

[Gunlord]

Yeah, I'm with Doctamario on this. You're a good guy, Freak, and you don't need someone like that or the trouble she'll bring. As Jorge said, just gotta dust yourself off and get back on your feet.