Topic: Could use some advice

[Dracula9]

I know, I'm sorry. I'm trying not to wallow in self-pity, but the shit gets downright depressing sometimes. Talking about it in detail's just bringing some of it back.

Honestly, the times I enjoy being single are more frequent than the times I don't (I wouldn't be able to get all these songs and sprites and games and shit done if I were in a steady relationship; not that I'd mind putting them on the shelf, but you get the idea), more so when I see either idiotic drama relationships or relationships going sour. But when the loneliness bug does bite, it bites hard and clamps down tight.

And what's wrong with cougars? They're beautiful, majestic animals. All six left in the country. 

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

Your sarcasm... .knock it off! Cougars are perfectly fine people.  They know what you want... boy do they know what you want.

"Grow a pair" isn't too terrible of an insult.  I guess it's more like a kick to the side, to have gravitas and a backbone and claim what you think is right.  Assertiveness is an attractive trait.  A lot of women confuse nasty dudebro Alpha behavior (douchebag stuff) with confidence and assertiveness.  Fine-tune your level of assertiveness so that it's something you're comfortable with (not an asshole) but still something that is attractive (being weak-kneed and a doormat, for example, is not an attractive trait {I'm not calling you any of these things, just speaking from old experiences, also LOL nested parentheses!}).

[Dracula9]

Cougars are perfectly fine people.  They know what you want... boy do they know what you want.

just speaking from old experiences

So I see...*clears throat*

"Grow a pair" isn't too terrible of an insult.  I guess it's more like a kick to the side, to have gravitas and a backbone and claim what you think is right.

On its own, no, not terribly. But when coupled with being said by someone whose mind won't be changed either way, it is. CUE CRIPPLING SELF-DOUBT!

I'm not calling you any of these things

As if you needed to specify that. I know you well enough to know you're not that breed of cat.

A lot of women confuse nasty dudebro Alpha behavior (douchebag stuff) with confidence and assertiveness.

Trying NOT to do that or come across as doing that has also been a challenge. If only there were a manual for this shit.

[darkmanx_429]

Hey, instead of self wallowing... why not enjoy being single instead? Change your perspective for now, then switch back when you are more financially stable.

Don't get cougars. What I meant was to wait a few more years or move to another location. Thus you need the money.

This. It seems from your comments that you already have this view that "everyone but you is hooking up."

Someone once told me a long time ago that "women will always be there."

Concentrate on just being the best "you" that you can be. It probably sounds cheezy but it is very liberating. The advice I give is compare yourself and compare her to you, do you have the same interests, does she measure up in your eyes that you guys are even on the same level, circle of friends, etc. It sounds like more of a crush than trying to go into an actual relationship.

Check out a couple of books I think that would help you: (again I know it sounds cheezy but trust me on this one, what do you have to lose)

"The Game" by Neil Strauss
"The Mystery Method" by Mystery

I used to be I guess what was considered a "nerd" all through high school. Of course I didn't think so, but I liked video games, had a odd group of friends, and pro wrestling. I wasn't considered a ugly guy by any means, but to all the super hot females that I was crushing on, I was always that "your not my type" or "friend-category" dude. And I also didn't notice really well if a woman was into me.

I had my share of awesome hook-ups though, much to my satisfaction and entertainment after high school and college and the military.
But everything was wayy easier when I flipped the script mentally and was just like fuck it if they like me then awesome if not that's awesome too, and I moved on.

Hell, I remember jocks (who I were cool with) in school telling me that I could hook up with some super hot girls if I had "game." (Whatever that meant at the time.)

If she kissed you and said your cute, then fuck yeah. If it doesn't go further than that then treasure that moment privately with yourself that hell, you can't be that bad if that happened and move on.  Hell, one or more of her friends are probably into you and you don't know it. (Girls talk obviously..)

Just don't mind fuck yourself about the situation.  Invite her (and only her) out to eat or movies or something and talk exactly about what happened and if she want's a relationship. Don't be nervous just through it all out there and see what happens. At least then you will have that moment to yourself too. If it happens it happens if not, don't harp on it (I know it's probably hard) but there is always someone better. Like I mentioned women will always be there

And just so you know I still like video games, have my friends from high school, and pro wrestling. Also I been together with my wife for 6 years now.

Oh yeah, you are in your twenties stay the hell away from cougars. Unless of course their willing to splurge money on you....lol

Definitely check those books out. The read will do you good.

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

I've read both "The Game" and "The Mystery Method" (for Science), a few years back.
Definitely worth 'checking out' at the library or getting a PDF of, but the information within those pages has somewhat been discontinued.  Still interesting reads, though.

The fact that there was a TV show based on those people kinda ruined the 'mystery'.  Nowadays?  You get caught mimicking some of the behavior in those books and you'll get immediately ostracized for it.

I'm more of a fan of these.  They're more down-to-earth and helped me years ago when I was a more shy person (something I hid from most people):







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If you find these helpful, let me know.

[darkmanx_429]

Awesome Jorge, didn't know you read those. 

I will say this, there is not any book that will magically fix the situation that anyone is in.

D9 take what bits and pieces of what everyone is telling you and use them to your advantage.

It's all about you being the best you can be.

No knowledge is without power.

[X]

Maybe the years of watching everyone else get their chance are taking their toll.

I'm 34 and still single. Not one date my entire life. And believe me this is a real kick in the pants so I know how you feel. Seeing other people finding relationships that work and are happy together really puts a damper on my mood, even at the best of times. There I times I thought of getting castrated because my personal bodily functions are so f**king annoying and get in the way when I'm trying to concentrate on other things. Heck it's even to the point where my favorite hobbies are suffering. I haven't drawn a picture in years, I'm kinda on a writer's hiatus (worse then writer's block!), and I mostly just sit around gaming. I love my games but it is ridiculous not to find enjoyment in the other things in my life that I once did   It's like watching a part of you die slowly and cannot do anything about it. Some days I wish I were asexual.

If shes really asexual (if there even is really such a thing to begin with)

Oh yes, there is. There are some people who are born without a sex drive as unbelievable as it may sound. Masturbation, procreation, sexual pleasure; means absolutely nothing to them. They have no interest in sex what-so-ever because it's not in their DNA.

[darkmanx_429]

I'm 34 and still single. Not one date my entire life. And believe me this is a real kick in the pants so I know how you feel. Seeing other people finding relationships that work and are happy together really puts a damper on my mood, even at the best of times. There I times I thought of getting castrated because my personal bodily functions are so f**king annoying and get in the way when I'm trying to concentrate on other things. Heck it's even to the point where my favorite hobbies are suffering. I haven't drawn a picture in years, I'm kinda on a writer's hiatus (worse then writer's block!), and I mostly just sit around gaming. I love my games but it is ridiculous not to find enjoyment in the other things in my life that I once did   It's like watching a part of you die slowly and cannot do anything about it. Some days I wish I were asexual.

Oh yes, there is. There are some people who are born without a sex drive as unbelievable as it may sound. Masturbation, procreation, sexual pleasure; means absolutely nothing to them. They have no interest in sex what-so-ever because it's not in their DNA.

You probably just need a "gaming gal"...nothing wrong with that.

[Aridale]

Whats up with that X? Whats goin on there? How can you be 34 and never had a date?

[Dracula9]

Likely the same way I'm twenty and haven't. Just change the numbers a bit. Dating and relationships have become so socially skewed from what they were a generation or two ago that everyone's expected to have had a few. I've been ostracized and singled out (ha, haha, ha) - in very subtle ways, but they were noticeable - for not having had any. A good buddy of mine has this nasty dudebro alpha friend who feels it's his duty to "take me under his wing and show me the ropes," and things of that nature. He's also a bit of a dick. He feels it's his responsibility to show me how to be like him, never once seeming to realize just how much I can't stand him or that I actually hold my own thoughts and beliefs that - dare I say it? - aren't the same ones he has. Ooooooooh, spooky.

I'm 34 and still single. Not one date my entire life. And believe me this is a real kick in the pants so I know how you feel. Seeing other people finding relationships that work and are happy together really puts a damper on my mood, even at the best of times. There I times I thought of getting castrated because my personal bodily functions are so f**king annoying and get in the way when I'm trying to concentrate on other things. Heck it's even to the point where my favorite hobbies are suffering. I haven't drawn a picture in years, I'm kinda on a writer's hiatus (worse then writer's block!), and I mostly just sit around gaming. I love my games but it is ridiculous not to find enjoyment in the other things in my life that I once did   It's like watching a part of you die slowly and cannot do anything about it. Some days I wish I were asexual.

Yep. Minus a few individual specifics, that's exactly it. And knowing how much it sucks now, I can only say that I feel for you, brother. It's hard enough one me at twenty, I can imagine how it'd feel at thirty-four. 

[darkmanx_429]

Whats up with that X? Whats goin on there? How can you be 34 and never had a date?

That's not so hard to believe these days. I've know many a people that fall in this category, even virgins (i'm talking about mostly about men, but I've known females like this too).

It's not so "unique." We all grew up different.  Some people have had sheltered lives, etc. hell, some people's (as already mentioned)lives don't revolve around sex.

And yes, that"alpha" male sounds like a dickhead. He probably gets his share, but is a real douche. I bet he has nothing stable and full of drama...

 

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

By the time they outgrow the douchebags, it's too late.  We're talking mid-40's.
You guys who are 35 and dateless, you're gonna be drowning in it in 10 years.

[Dracula9]

Especially if you offer them tiaramisu.

[X]

Whats up with that X? Whats goin on there? How can you be 34 and never had a date?

Pretty much like Dracula9 stated. I was also the outcast in school. For some stupid reason being "different" rather then popular is a bad thing. And because I have no experience with women I've never bothered to pursue them. Being a loner wasn't so much of a choice as it was forced upon me by a broken societal norms 

[Dracula9]

Are you sure you're not just me from the future? All that's exactly the same on my end.