Castlevania Dungeon Forums
The Castlevania Dungeon Forums => General Castlevania Discussion => Topic started by: Gimph on June 28, 2008, 04:12:59 PM
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Okay, first of all, I CANNOT take any credit for this idea, as my sister told me about it from another website, but here it is anyway:
This is pretty useless, but very funny and I liked it, so here. Basically, this is a topic for what I call "You suck so much at Castlevania" jokes. The rules are, your post must start with "You suck so much at Castlevania" then insert your joke. For instance, you suck so much at Castlevania, you choked on roast chicken and died.
Let's see what you guys come up with!
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You suck so much at Castlevania 64, the bull in the Castle Center killed you before you released the crytal's magic!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you hit yourself with your own whip.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that.... that... YO MAMA'S FAT, YO!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that Isaac called YOU gay.
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In Reply To #5
:o
Now that's rare.
You suck at Castlevania so much that your entire coolection ran away to find me, the awesome Castlevani fan! ;D
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You suck so much at castlevania that your "suck at castlevania" jokes are worse than CVfan13's.
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In Reply To #7
You suck so much at Castlevania that you are just me in an Alexc2808 costume! (see, I made a funny at my own expense(which is probably the funny part) :D)
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Ugh, I knew this would happen.
Cut it out right now, both of you. None of these jokes should be directed to anyone in particular.
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Jeez, calm down. there is no malice in this. We're just playing at each other. If this constitutes as so much than this forum has become the pre-k of the castlevania community. I said his jokes were bad. No need to go all motherly on us.
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You suck so much at castlevania that death leaps out of the TV to kill you.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you choked on your roast chicken and died!
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In Reply To #10
Yeah, I didn't take any offense, and I didn't mean any offense in what I said to him. Like always, we're just playing around. And I can'ty make a good joke for my life. :-[
You suck so much at Castelvania that CVfan13 thinks you're bad! 8)
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You suck so much at Castlevania you still think that the Castle Center is the last level in Castlevania 64!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that fuck you.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that fuck you.
I like it.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you fell down the stairs and died in the Master's Chamber!
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uh
dunno, you suck so bad at castlevania you get a game over on name entry screen?
you also suck bad at castlevania if you play kiddy games like portrait of ruin lol j/k
in b4 shitstorm
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
...That you become the producer of it and all following incarnations, and your sole purpose is to slowly whittle away any coherence and reason and heart that the series threatened your crazy Scientology ideals with while in your mother's womb (pee hole), until you're in it too deep and you actually start to dress and act like a bishie, and your thick greasy hair drills deep into your skull and creates a mindlink to an inner god of the 6th dimension who commands you to create the anti-Jeebus, Nanobreaker, and gather two of every type of CV fan onto a grand ark that you are to set on fire within the deepest depths of hell. (Legion thanks you for the new outfit, and says he'll make you one out of the leftover scraps, but will have to charge you shipping).
You become afraid of people yelling at you on account that your mother was Jewish, but your Japanese ancestry tells you you're a mini-god, (and why wouldn't Gigantor tell the truth?), and so you decide to turn Dracula into a schoolboy you totally CRUSHED on in your youth --OHMIGOD!-- and still regularly fap to on account of the scurrvy -- argh!
So after eating an orang-- er! -- ORENJI, you realize it was the vitamin-C deficiency all along as you wake up in your office to two beautiful ladies still much more talented than you'll ever be, and who deserve to be where you are, and you grow increasingly paranoid that they're trying to overthrow you (or, even worse, are talking badly about your penis behind your back), and -- you know what? -- they are. I clearly heard them say this.
After dying some more inside you look down at your velour desk only to discover the little SD Gundams that come out of the pencil drawer at brunch have done it again! What was once a ludicrous idea on paper that your superiors mercilessly scoffed at, has now magically become reality. Never one to contain your manly excitement, you rush to the nearest convention to announce your greatest idea yet:
CASTLEVANIA: JUDGEMENT.
VICTOLYYYY!!!
(Ayami and Michiru stay at the office and make fun of your consistent hat hair and... kiss a little bit... and maybe end up touching eachother suggestively):
WOW! You really suck at Castlevania.
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You suck so bad at Castlevania, you couldn't figure out how to open the drawbridge to the castle in Portrait of Ruin
Antraxx, I think that was the best one yet, haha!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you:
-Read ANTRAXX's joke
-Were killed by the first candle in the original NES CV
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that in Harmony of Dissonance, you were killed by the giant suit of armor outside the castle.
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You suck so much at castlevania that your main character was a familiar.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you fell of the edge in the Master's Keep!
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In Reply To #24
Gimph sucks so much at Castlevania that he repeated a joke that was already used. :P
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In soviet Russia, castlevania sucks at you.
Amidoinitrite?
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I suck so much at Castlevania that I thought Gimph repeated someone else's joke, but it turns out he only repeated his own. :-X
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In Reply To #25
It was? Damn...
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you were killed by skeletons riding motor cycles! (Not...that I've...done that before... :-[)
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You suck so much at castlevania that we can infer from prior experiences that you will indeed suck at all future castlevania games forever.
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In Reply To #28
You suck so much at Castlevania, you fell down the stairs and died in the Master's Chamber!
You suck so much at Castlevania, you fell of the edge in the Master's Keep!
Is it just me, or do those two mean the same thing?
You suck so much at Castlevania that you were killed by the shop keeper in HoD.
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You suck so much at castlevania that you were killed by the lonely skeleton and turned to dust. He then went on to kill the minotaur, beat the game, and have sex with your wife.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you can't go into any Castlevania thread without somehow insulting IGA.
You suck so much at Castlevania that you died once in HoD.
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In Reply To #31
Falling down the stairs and falling off the edge are two different situations! You REALLY suck if you fall off the edge, because then you have to go through the castle again!
CVFan13 sucks so much at Castlevania, he can't beat Dracula's Legacy of Darkness 2nd form in NORMAL MODE, even though I, the awesome Gimph, beat it in hard mode! HA!
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No offense
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You suck so much at castlevania that you died using the gravity boots underneath the librarian's chair.
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In Reply To #35
None taken.
In Reply To #36
You suck so much at Castlevania that you have difficulty even using the gravity boots(I speak from experience :-[)
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
...When you found the secret by the drawbridge, you wiped your brow and called it a day.
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You suck so much at castlevania that you died using the gravity boots underneath the librarian's chair.
LOLZ! ;D
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In Reply To #38
You suck so much at Castlevania, you have no idea what the hell ANTRAXX is talking about.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you still think Graham is the final boss in Aria of Sorrow!
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In Reply To #38
You suck so much at Castlevania, you have no idea what the hell ANTRAXX is talking about.
Well that doesn't necessarily mean you suck at Castelvania.
But you really DO suck if you don't know about that.
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In Reply To #42
Wait, you mean PSX SotN Richter mode?
You suck so much at Castlevania, you still think Graham is the final boss in Aria of Sorrow!
He's not?! :o
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I seriously hope you're being sarcastic...
CVFan sucks so much at Castlevania, he might be serious! :o
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In Reply To #44
For awhile, I was, until my friend figured out the truth. Funny thing is, I got the game awhile before him, and he'd already figured out more than me. :P
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you forgot to go through the gate and attempted to jump across the pit in Castlevania IV.
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I got the good ending on my first try, but I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I had those equipped was because I use them on a regular basis anyway! ;D
Good to hear you're not serious...
You suck so much at Castlevania, that you still think Stella and Loretta are the final boss!
(CVFan13, please, no comment)
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In Reply To #46
I was doing that for awhile, until I accidentally pressed up.
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In Reply To #47
Too bad, I'm commenting anyway. I actually thought that from there you would have to travel across Europe in search of them and that the castle was out of the picture. :-[
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In Reply To #49
That would be an excellent idea, but no, Iga's too cheap for that.
You suck so much at Castlevania, that it took you 5 hours of constant failures to kill Circle of The Moon's final boss (I know from experience... :-[ I was only level 42, then I realized most people did it at level 70!)
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
...You thought SotN was too hard.
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In Reply To #50 and #51
I agree with both of those statements.
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In Reply To #50 and #51
I agree with both of those statements.
Wai -- so you thought SOTN was too hard?
MAN! You DO suck!
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In Reply To #53
I know! Yet somehow I am able to beat CV1 in a half hour with almost no damage!
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Oh, wow, that's sad.
You suck so much at Castlevania, you can't kill the last boss in normal mode Legacy of Darkness with 4 roast beefs and 7 roast chickens! Haha, I don't think ANYONE's that bad!
*Glares at CVFan13*
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What the hell?! I can't beat that game in 10 hours!
I suck so much at Castlevania, it took me days of frustration... :'(
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In Reply To #55
Don't forget the healing kit.
CVfan13 sucks so much at Castlevania that he sucks at Castlevania(yet I have a devilishly awesome collection, if I say so myself).
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Man, I just suck...
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In Reply To #53
I know! Yet somehow I am able to beat CV1 in a half hour with almost no damage!
Not bad at all. I can't do that.
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You suck so much at castlevania that you describe the fight you had in the room with respawning zombies as "epic". Also you don't realize they respawn and have been in that room fighting them for over a year.
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In Reply To #59
Thanks. Want me to take a video sometime?
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you lost your "epic" battle!
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In Reply To #62
They spawned below me! It wasn't a fair fight!
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
... When the Sword of Dawn did its thing, you thought you were being ambushed.
ALSO
You suck so much at Castlevania...
... You only managed a one-hit with the Crisaegrimm.
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In Reply To #62
You suck so much at Castlevania that you have reoccurring nightmares of every character, enemy, weapon, sprite, and every member of every team to have worked on a CV game chasing you through Dracula's Castle and ince you get to the Castle Keep there's no where to run and the weight of all this causes the Keep toi collapse and plummet everybody into the canyon below.
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In Reply To #65
Wow you need some sleep.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that when the Master's Keep fell, you were under it, getting killed by zombies.
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In Reply To #66
I think I need more than just some sleep.
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You suck so bad at Castlevania, you should stop playing and get a doctor's degree in mental help so you can help CVFan13!
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
... You thought the Shield Rod would protect you (by itself).
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You suck at Castlevania so much, that Dracula killed you in Harmony of Dissonance.
That was the easiest Dracula battle ever!
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In Reply To #71 and #72
Once again, those happened to me.
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Haha, you suck at Castlevania so much, you think CVFan13 is good at it!
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In Reply To #74
Hard to come by...
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I'm sorry, you're just easy to pick on!
You suck so much at Castlevania, you drowned in the pirate ship in Legacy of Darkness!
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
... IGA admires you.
Oh wai... I mean...
IGA sucks so much at Castlevania...
Oh wait -- I mean both
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You suck at Castlevania so much...
That you never founed out there is an inverted castle in Symphony of the Night! ;D
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You suck at Castlevania so much...
That you never founed out there is an inverted castle in Symphony of the Night!
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In Reply To #50 and #51
I agree with both of those statements.
So do I. Yes, I thought that SotN was freakin' difficult. XD Two years ago.
CotM Dracula I beat at level 45 [remember me asking for help, CVfan13? XD] .....WHAT?! People do it at level 70? O_O
Warfreak sucks so much at Castlevania that she was killed by one ectoplasm.
You suck so much at Castlevania that the drawbridge fell on top of you!
[I can't make a joke.. I just..can't]
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In Reply To #80
Wait... ur a girl?
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you suck so bad at castlevania you killed yourself with your own returning cross.
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you suck so much at castlevania, that you got lost in the original castlevania >.>
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In Reply To #49
That would be an excellent idea, but no, Iga's too cheap for that.
You suck so much at Castlevania, that it took you 5 hours of constant failures to kill Circle of The Moon's final boss (I know from experience... :-[ I was only level 42, then I realized most people did it at level 70!)
what, draci ain't that bad, jus constantly use your high jump then alls you have to worry about is the last part following the hovering eye, which is all patience and persistance.
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
... You are Juste.
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...you lit your whip on fire trying to nail a candlestick...
I DON'T KNOW OKAY
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In Reply To #81
Guess. :P
what, draci ain't that bad, jus constantly use your high jump then alls you have to worry about is the last part following the hovering eye, which is all patience and persistance.
Well, I don't have patience and persistence. It took so long it was annoying. XD I don't think it took me five hours though..
You suck so much at Castlevania you can't even HIT a candlestick.
[This is a vain attempt to be on topic. :P]
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you suck at cv so bad you accidentaly set alucard's cape on fire while using holy water
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You suck so much at CV...
...that you end up being killed, trying to level up by killing zombies.
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In Reply To #80
Wait... ur a girl?
Yeah... she is. But how did you know just from that post?
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Pfft. I died via Dracula in HoD too. >_>
Ehem. CVfan13 just blew my cover. :( .... kidding. :P I think this is how Antraxxx found out:
Warfreak sucks so much at Castlevania that she was killed by one ectoplasm.
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How did you people die?!
You suck so much at Castlevania, you waited until you were level 99 to fight Dracula and still died!
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you suck so badly at cv you get crushed into a bloody pulp by a heart that just fell out of a candle
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you got a gameover before turned on the game!
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In Reply To #94
You suck so much at Castlevania that your NES exploded before you even got the cartridge!
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Poor Nes never had a chance... :'(
You suck so much at Casstlevania, you didn't even notice I spelled it incorrectly!
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In Reply To #96
You suck so much at Castlevania you thought Gimph's last joke was funny!
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You suck so much at CV...
...that you only come back to kill Dracula every 100 years. And you die everytime.
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In Reply To #98
You, erimocard, suck so much at Castlevania, you forgot that Castlevania only appears every 100 years in the first place!
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I meant in real time. Not ingame.
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You suck so much at Castlevania Legacy of Darkness, that you were killed by the worms in the maze garden!
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In Reply To #100
I suck so much at Castlevania that I did not even realize this before making a joke about it and costing me a good funny. :-X
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You suck so much at Castlevania Legacy of Darkness, that on the pirate ship, you couldn't figre out how to get onto the mast on the other side of the ship!
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You suck so much at castlevania that you are reading these jokes for tips.
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You suck so mch at Castlevania Legacy of Darkness, you couldn't keep up with Henry in the Garden Maze!
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In Reply To #104
I suck so much at Castlevania that everything these people are saying is actually helping me.
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Vincent sucks so much at Castlevania 64, that he was turned into a vampire! Haha!
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you were de-canonized by IGA.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you died in Circle of the Moon when you fell down the giant hole in the opening cut-scene!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that the girl in the title screen of LoD is actually running from YOU!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you're behind a tree running from HER! ;D
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you ran away from the first wall-meat in CV1, thinking it were an enemy!
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you had a heart attack once you saw the giant bat boss in Castlevania 1.
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In Reply To #113
I suck so much at Castlevania that that almost happened!
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you actually LOST to the giant bat!
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In Reply To #115
I suck so much at Castlevania that I actually did this several times before finding that axe...
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Okay...?
Yo suck so much at Castlevania, you were killed by a zombie when you had an invincibility potion!
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You suck so bad at Castlevania, you got whipped in the face by Desmond.
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Good, now beat it in hard mode! ;D
You suck so much at Castlevania, you got scared of the giant skeleton and ran away in Castlevania 64!
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You suck so much at castlevania that you are reading these jokes for tips.
I gotta hand it to you: you have some of the best ones ;D
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you died in Circle of the Moon when you fell down the giant hole in the opening cut-scene!
Not bad ;)
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You suck so bad at Castlevania, you got whipped in the face by Desmond.
Okay... yeah.... You REALLY do suck at Castlevania :o
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Thanks for the compliment, but why don't you make your own?
Do you suck too much at Castlevania to make a joke?
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In Reply To #120
It's not yet unlocked...
You suck so much at Castlevania that you cried after killing a zombie, because you were just so guilty.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that in Harmony of Dissonance, you fell under the drawbridge!
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
... You turned left after the fishmen and keep looping around.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you got scared of the vampires in the Villa and ran away!
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
... You turn left after the fishman room and keep looping around.
That's one of the best yet.
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In Reply To #121
thanks :D
You suck so much at castlevania that you died in a save room. (hope that wasn't used already.)
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you couldn't figure out how to open the gate in the intro to Castlevania 1!
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You suck so much at castlevania that the game cartage ran away.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Balore felt bad for you and let you fight the giant bat in Aria of Sorrow!
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
Yorick tagged you "IT".
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Julius didn't consider you a threat and went home to watch TV.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Julius didn't consider you a threat and went home to watch TV.
that one's pretty good.
Let's see, you suck SO much at castlevania the whip ran away and you turned into Rocky. "Eat some fist Bitch!, yeah punch those bats! punch em' !
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You suck so much at CV...
You drowned in the basement of Abandoned Castle.
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You suck so much at CV that you actually died because Draculas wine-glass hit you.
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
...that without the Wolf's Paw, you figured you'd make it across the crumbling bridge by building up Leon's athletics with persistence.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that Dracula does'nt want to come back.
Hahahha at death leaping out of the tv haha.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you have to play barbies horse ranch, because game stores wont let you buy Castlevania.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you couldn't figure out why you kept on exploding in the castle center.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you couldn't figure out why you kept on exploding in the castle center.
I think a lot of us couldn't :(
The SLIGHTEST touch and you were fucked.
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True, which was extremely difficult for me considering I always hop wherever I go in that game... :'(
BAM!
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Graham killed Yoko because you never showed up to save her.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Graham killed Yoko because you never showed up to save her.
Yoko can take care of herself :P
... with her purse
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In Reply To #130
That happened to me in CotM, due to poisoning.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you never figured out you were supposed to be rescuing children in Henry's quest in Legacy of Darkness.
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In Reply To #146
:o
I can't find any of them.
You suck so much at Castlevania that you thought the first zombie in CV1 was a boss.
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You suck so much at Legacy of Darkness...
You slipped off the chain while climbing up the pirate ship. The ferryman looks the other way, and you die.
(Okay that sounds more like Shadowgate than Castelvania
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Shadow Gate is an awesome game. Very unfortunate deaths though... For instance, in the room with the mirrors, one mirror sucks you into space where you suffocate, and if I recall correctly, one explodes impaling you with glass shards! Then there's the dragon and the slime that dissolves your skin! And you can also fall down a trap door, break your legs so you can't move and you starve. It's fun though.
You suck so much at Castlevania, that after the castle collapsed, you fell off the cliff into the ocean and drowned!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you forgot to escape after you defeated Dracula.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you took piano lessons from the DoS, and never did anything else.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Dracula died of a heart attack from too much blood drinking before you got to the throne!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that the sword familiar killed you.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Dracula died of a heart attack from too much blood drinking before you got to the throne!
wow must have been some mad fat content in that blood, or is it really blood? I'll bet he's drinkin' strawberry shakes. (mmmmm goes out to buy one)
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that after the castle collapsed, you fell off the cliff into the ocean and drowned!
That's not funny -- that's just TRAGIC!
.. okay... (snicker) it's a little bit funny. :)
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You suck so much at Rondo of Blood...
You met your doom on the horse-cart.
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
...this fuckin thread is still goin.
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
..That you are making jokes about how people suck at castlevania (with the exception of CVfan13 who makes them about himself :P)
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
St.Germaine thinks your the ugliest mother fucker this milennium.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you are still waiting for Castlevania: The Atari Jaguar Experience.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you are still waiting for Castlevania: The Atari Jaguar Experience.
You mean it's not happening!? I've had my atari jaguar for FIFTEEN YEARS just for that game! ;)
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
..That you are making jokes about how people suck at castlevania (with the exception of CVfan13 who makes them about himself :P)
What can I say, I'm just so easy to make fun of, with my lack of CV skill, I just take advantage of that, at my own expense. :P
I suck so much at Castlevania that I just love making jokes about how much I suck at Castlevania.
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
You caught dysentery from a wall-meat.
:o
Shoulda equipped the Zombie Officer soul, you loozer.
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You suck so much at Castlevania 64, that Franky didn't bother attacking you, and just kept trimming the bushes!
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You mean it's not happening!? I've had my atari jaguar for FIFTEEN YEARS just for that game!
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that in Aria of Sorrow, you still can't figure out how to kill the zombies in the underground cemetery!
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You suck so much at Castlevania that in the older games, you STILL can't figure out how to climb stairs!
[That took me at least 5 minutes to figure out. XD I was sooo lost]
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you got a game over falling off the edge in a 2D Castlevania game!
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You suck so much at castlevania that you couldn't get to the end of Akumajo Dracula Peke.
(prolly speldit rawung)
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that in Aria of Sorrow, you ran out of MP with the Chaos Ring equipped.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you died of a heart attack after seeing the first skeleton. :P
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you suck so much at castlevania that you post your own failures as a 'you suck' entries.
also when you post newbie mistakes that are completely possible to do, instead of something so utterly impossible only someone who really sucks could do it.
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Serio speaks from experience! ;D
You suck so much at Castlevania, that the only reason the giant skeleton in Castlevania 64 fell off the cliff, is because it was laughing at you and fell over.
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In Reply To #173
i actually mocked you, cvfan and few others. ;)
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In Reply To #174
Nah, you don't need to mock me, I'm already doing it myself. ;)
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In Reply To #174
You have yet to mock me, and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from doing so, despite how much this comment is probably tempting you right now.
You suck so much at Castlevania, Actrise didn't bother fighting you, because by the time you got to the room of clocks, Carrie was no longer young enough to be a child sacrifice.
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You are so fat, the inverted castle fell of the sky when you entered it.
Wait... wrong topic. D:
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Malus shot himself waiting for you.
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you suck so much at castlevania that all the kids grew up and ran away on henry's quest and you shot them thinking they were enemies.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that the kids actually killed you when you tried to shoot them! ;D
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You suck so much at castlevania that in SotN death gave you the crissaegrim.
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You have yet to mock me, and I would appreciate it if you would refrain from doing so, despite how much this comment is probably tempting you right now.
then stop coming up with embarrassing unfunny stuff. newbie gameplay screw ups aren't really funny material. though cvfan does that way more.
also
You suck so much at Castlevania, that in Harmony of Dissonance, you fell under the drawbridge!
you actually have to time it right, it's hard to get under the drawbridge. nobody who sucks could do it. :o
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You suck so much at Castlevania that Dracula took a shit on you from the throne room.
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You suck so much at Castlevania . . .
That the the game gives you 20 lives when you type in "Help Me."
That Grant refused to join your party.
That you bounced a check at Rinaldo's shop.
That Death died of old age waiting for you to show up.
That you plan on buying Judgement so you can clear it on easy mode and finally say that you've beaten a Castlevania game.
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In Reply To #182
Oh my goodness, you're right! I just tried it. Okay, I haven't used newbie screw-ups THAT much!
Anyway,
You suck so much at Castlevania, that you died in Castlevania 64 when the serpent broke through the wall and hit you.
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You suck so much at Castlevania . . .
That Grant refused to join your party.
OLOLOOOOOL
Probably the funniest thing ever.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that in Symphony of the Night, you died falling on spikes after getting the spike breaking armor.
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
You can't control your jumps; even in real life.
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You suck so much at Lament of Innocence, that you decided that the best way to escape the Forest of Eternal Night was by waiting for the sun to rise.
You suck so much at Castlevania Legends that IGA kept Sonia and rectonned you.
You suck so much at Curse of Darkness that your Innocent Devils got drunk at a party, started flirting with Gaibon, and lost their innocence.
You suck so much at Belmont's Revenge that you couldn't even find the first stage.
You suck so much at Simon's Quest, that when the game told you to strike the cliff with your head, your mom grounded you for putting a hole in the sheetrock.
You suck so much at Symphony of the Night that you fell out the bottom of the Inverted Castle.
You suck so much at Circle of the Moon that you couldn't get your whip to spin.
You suck so much at Castlevania 64 that the mutated lizardman wouldn't give you the key.
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In Reply To #189
Good stuff
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
You can't control your jumps; even in real life.
i want to see you start running, do a running jump, then suddenly stop in mid air, turn around and land in the place you jumped from
protip: it's impossible to control your jumps in real life like in video games
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you got pwned by Kid Dracula.
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You stink so much at CV, that Beelzebub ran away when he smelled you.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you couldn't figure out how to use the elevator in Harmony of Dissonance.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you tried to read all the books in the library.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that by the time Leon made it to Dracula's throne room, you found Soma sitting on the throne instead.
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you actually have to time it right, it's hard to get under the drawbridge. nobody who sucks could do it. :o
Is that really possible? Are you joking? I've tried quite a few times and I think it is impossible!
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In Reply To #197
I did it. It took me...about 14 tries to get it right.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Death let you keep your starting equipment in the beginning of Symphony of the Night!
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You suck so much at castlevania the game wouldn't let you past the title screen, the game starting flashing weird colors while you continuosly pounded the start button, and finally your TV exploded.
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In Reply To #200
Poor thing never had a chance... :'(
You suck so much at Castlevania, Ortega killed you before the cut-scene ended.
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In Reply To #201
Have you ever played another CV than LoD? Just a question. D:
You suck so much at Castlevania, that in SotN you stole your own soul.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that in Belmont's Revenge, Soleiyu has get tired waiting for you to rescue him, so he went and kill Dracula at your place!! ;D
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Death let you keep your starting equipment in the beginning of Symphony of the Night!
:)
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In Reply To #201
You suck so much at Castlevania, that in SotN you stole your own soul.
;D yes, I'm sure Al's done it once or twice in training. I can just see Drac training him in his youth.
"Oh noes, Daddy! I did it again."
Dracula returns Al's soul. "That's okay try again."
"Oh noes, Daddy, you put me in Axe Armor"
"Daddy's still learning too Alucard"
"No! You don't love me OR Mommy! I'm going to run away! Gimme mah body back first!"
"Very well, but who's in your body then?"
Alucard's body: "Eeguh Ee Eeg Eeee-guh Eeg Eeguh Eeguh. Eeguh eeg eeg Eeguh EegEeg Eguh"
(Translation: "Please love Castelvania Judgement, I worked hard on it for 2 months. Can I get Harrison Ford's autograph? ")
Dracula: "Aw, crap!"
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In Reply To #198
Is there a vid on Youtube??
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Soma took too long to beat Aria of Sorrow and everyone died.
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In Reply To #207
Um... wow.. extreme. You suck so much at Castlevania that the castle in the solar eclipse collapsed... no wait, that's "you're so fat..."- ah crap, forget it.
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In Reply To #208
Give up. :D
You suck so much at Castlevania, that in Aria of Sorrow, the eclipse ended before you finished the game.
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In Reply To #209
You suck so much at Castlevania that Soma got tired and had a heart attack before he reached the top of the stairs in the prologue!
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In Reply To #210
*cries due to Death Note reference*
You suck so much at Castlevania, that the castle eroded before you beat the first level.
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In Reply To #211
****. I didn't even realize what I just did there. Crap. *Bursts out Crying*
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L... :'(
You suck so much at Castlevania, you can't figure out how to stop the game over screen from popping up every time you press the power button.
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In Reply To #213
L? I was thinking about Light crawling up those stairs in the end and then Ryuk killed him.
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In Reply To #214
I know, I was too, but I just felt like saying L for the sake of depression.
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You suck so much at Castlevania...
When Drac said he'd give you a century, you asked for change for a dollar.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you thought hearts restored life.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you thought hearts restored life.
well, SHOULDn'T THEY?
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In Reply To #218
Well, they SHOULD, but they don't. Not in Castlevania anyway.
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Just one of the eccentricites of Castelvania.
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That did piss me off when I first picked up a Castlevania game.
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That's why you shouldn't play Castlevania if you're a vegetarian! ;D
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Yeah, it was the same for me. I was all "wtf?! Hearts don't restore my life! NOOOO" XD LOL.
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In Reply To #214
or
*soma goes up the stairs, at the top he grabs his chest, goes HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG and falls over. then the screen pans to judgement simon with a notebook saying "just as planned"
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In Reply To #224
:'(
You suck so much at Castlevania, you stopped making jokes and decided to write about anime to make me sad instead... :'(
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well, SHOULDn'T THEY?
what you don't carry around heartbill's in your wallet? Crap I knew that clerk at the bank was drunk. ;) I think that' sone of the cool things about the game, it's entirely unpredictable right down to what give you health.
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I never expect hearts to heal health anymore. It's pretty bad.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that in the original NES version, Death felt sorry for you and decided not to use scythes, but you still can't win.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that even with the holy water didn't help you against Death.
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In Reply To #229
One time I missed and he kicked the crap out me... :-[
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In Reply To #229
Holy water? I used crosses, they're more effective.
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In Reply To #231
>:(
If you don't know the holy water trick you have no right to call yourself a Castlevania fan.
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In Reply To #231
>:(
If you don't know the holy water trick you have no right to call yourself a Castlevania fan.
whoa calm down there man, he didn't say he didn't know about it, he just prefers crosses, besides the holy water trick is just a cheap way of winning. Somebody who has put in countless hours of blood and sweat and come up with perfect strategies and memorization of all the bosses patterns really has no use for it.
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You suck so much at castlevania that you still need to play with both hands. (You know you've beat at least one of the games with super-retardo one-hand-style. Also played upside down with the psp CVs. Thats right, Im watchin ya)
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I prefer the dagger in SOTN.
In CV1 any sub weapon is fine so long as it isn't dagger.
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you suck so much at castlevania.....nevermind i got nuthin'
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I prefer the dagger in SOTN.
In CV1 any sub weapon is fine so long as it isn't dagger.
Yep the dagger in that game SUCKS. Ironically though, it kicks ass in simon's quest though as it freezes enemis in place so you can get in more hits.
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In Reply To #232
No, actually, I really don't know what it is... :-\
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http://youtube.com/watch?v=W62K_TUlj10
holy water trick
You sucks so much at Castlevania in Castlevania 2 you died in Dracula's castle before reaching Dracula.
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In Reply To #239
I wish I had known that when I fought Death. I don't believe it. :o
I suck so much at Castlevania, I didn't know what the holy water trick was and now I think I'm gonna kill myself, considering I wasted days and days on that boss fight, failing countless times. :'(
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Nah man, I think it's cool you tried hard and beat him without cheese. I beat him with the cross too after several tries. It's much more rewarding. Of course getting to Death with the triple shot and holy water can be challenging itself until you memorize the level.
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In Reply To #239
I wish I had known that when I fought Death. I don't believe it. :o
I suck so much at Castlevania, I didn't know what the holy water trick was and now I think I'm gonna kill myself, considering I wasted days and days on that boss fight, failing countless times. :'(
don't feel bad man, you should feel proud, you are one of the few along with me and most of the people here to really put in the time to take him down without using that glitch. It's tough, you have to know where to go to give yourself the greatest advantage, and there's another trick nobody ever talks about, if you walk towards the end of the ledge when death comes down he'll do a giant jump to get away from you towards the other end of the room and if you can memorize where the psythes are gonna appear and manage to keep rushing him he'll just keep jumping back and forth and you can kick his ass with holy water or a cross pretty fast.
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He was really hard. Not even Dracula was that hard. Actually, the boss fight that took me the longest was the Frankenstein Monster.
You suck so much at Castlevania, you lost to the Frankenstein Monster when he didn't have his pet flea man.
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I knew about the holy water thing but didn't use it. I hate that item unless you can crash it.
You suck so much at castlevania that you got game over after you beat the game.
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You suck so much at Castlvania, the current Belmont descendent is hunting you down just to bitch slap you.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, You kept on falling for the fake Yoko succubi in Dawn of Sorrow, and you died.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you have a life.
ok ok ok...
You suck so much at Castlevania, that you keep jumping to death, tring to get that unreachable candle in the first level of CV3
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that you have a life.
*Gasp*
:o
You suck so much at Castlevania, you couldn't find the stairs in the Master's Keep.
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In Reply To #248
nobody found them all.
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did some disappear?
you suck so much at castlevania you think the judgement is a great idea.....
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He was really hard. Not even Dracula was that hard. Actually, the boss fight that took me the longest was the Frankenstein Monster.
You suck so much at Castlevania, you lost to the Frankenstein Monster when he didn't have his pet flea man.
Yeah frankenstein is pretty tough. It's all about fooling igor and hitting him as much as you can while using subweapons on frankie. Or if you wanna make it really tough and only use the whip you have to memorize where to go to make hm miss you. Teh best strategy is to get a projectile and run to the far left end of the room and force them to take the fight to you. It will make igor's firing trajectory akward for him, and it'll taking frankie so long to get that far if you have a triple shot adn can dodge igor he's pretty much screwed. It's weird cuz if you rush frankie, it gets incredibly tough and I think this is what makes newer gamers and gamers who aren't use to this type of difficulty give up. The boss tactics that you'd think would put you at a disadvantage actually work beautifully. Rushing death makes him run away like a pussy and if you get up all in drac form 2's face and kneel down he'll always do a giant jump that you can walk under. Truly innovative programming for it's day.
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did some disappear?
you suck so much at castlevania you think the judgement is a great idea.....
Now this is the best that i've heard at this thread!!!!Lol ;D
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You suck so much at Castlevania, that when you sealed Dracula, he came back in five minutes.
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You suck so much at Castlevania, you make Patrick Colasour (The character) look like an actually decent fighter.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that YOU KILLED SHANOA SO MANY TIMES IN ECCLESIA THAT SHE BECAME PERMANENTLY DEAD.
GAME OVER NOOB :o
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Idea stolen from the now defunct CV Attic, those were fun days.
You're suck so much at Castlevania Dracula destroyed himself out of boredom.
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You suck so much at CastleVania that the ferrymen killed you in Symphony of the Night.
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you suck so much at castlevania that simon refuses to let you control him.
you suck so much at castlevania that you had to use game genie on por sisters mode.
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Hey guys I'm new around here...moving on. ;D
You suck so much at Castlevania, not even succubus would have sexual intercourse with you as much as she would like to with just about anyone for self pleasure before taking their soul(Sad!).
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u suck so much @ teh castlevani0rz u rly gravedigged tihs topic LOL
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Simon started talking like erimocard!
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You suck sooooo much at castlevania, Golem called you retarded :o
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You suck so much at Castlevania, Trevor actually hit himself with the VK.
You suck so much at Castlevania, you lost to the first skeleton in Dawn of Sorrow.
You suck so much at Castlevania, it takes you three hits to kill a bat.
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You suck so much at Castlevania that you suck at SotN as much as Oliver Motok. :o
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You suck sooo much at castlevaina that Dracula called you a geezer