Castlevania Dungeon Forums
Off Topic => Off Topic => Topic started by: Mooning Freddy on February 22, 2014, 10:02:01 AM
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I know I am generally being horribly cynical and sarcastic about stuff, but this is where I need advice. I feel like I'm in a really complicated situation and don't know how to act. Don't know if anyone was ever in such a situation, but if you were, please help with some advice.
The story goes like this: yours truly met a girl. At first she just seemed to me an interesting person to talk to and I haven't considered anything serious. However, we quickly became quite close friends, seemed like we had a lot in common and I found myself sharing with her some things I hardly talk about with my best friends. As we became more attached, I realized she may be the most intelligent and charming girl I've met. And I don't use the term "charming" often. She isn't just pretty, she has a charm that makes you not want to leave everytime you are with her.
Thing is, one of my friends who is a barman told me that when she was in his bar with her friends, some guy tried to hit on her, and she rejected him saying that she likes girls.
I knew I can't just trust his word and one of the days while having a casual conversation, I told her what he said and asked whether it was true. In response, she became embarrassed, started giggling, stuttering, and said at first "no", then "Well, it's a difficult question"
I said that it isn't, and she said "I don't know. Basically, I don't think there should be one answer to that question".
Jokingly, I said that I knew some nice girls, and she responded with "Oh stop that, I'm not looking for a girlfriend."
Needless to say, I found this conversation very confusing. If she just said yes, that would be enough for me to leave her alone. But she didn't. Instead, that response was just what I expected (and kinda feared) to hear from her. Even though she is very intelligent, it seems she is unusually shy and bashful when it come to discussing romance, and maybe scared of commitment. Being the kind of guy that I am, that fact made her even more charming to me.
What complicates the story even further is that she's not from my country. She's a foreign exchange student, which is what made her more interesting to me, while at the same time making any idea of having a relationship harder.
I feel like I'm between the hammer and the anvil. I like her too much to not try and initiate something, and I think she likes me too, but the combination of her shyness and intelligence makes it impossible for any cheap machoist romantic tricks to work on her, so I try to be as gentle and nice as possible with her, because I feel that if I pressure her that would scare her. But I really don't know what to do, whether I could make her like me enough to break the defensive barrier she has against having any kind of relationship that is as difficult. And I'll be damned, she's not the kind of girl I would play around with; hell, she's the kind of person I'd like to get married with.
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Sexual preference isn't necessarily black and white.
Also girls say a lot of things to get random guys off their back. That's never a solid way to gauge anything.
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Pretty much 70-75% of the women I hang out with use the "I like girls" excuse to get men off of their back.
15% afterwards use another excuse ("I'm seeing someone" or "Jorge here is with me"), while the last 10% really do like girls.
Don't go by hearsay. Ask her yourself.
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I don't think you understood the problem. I am not sure what is the right way for me to approach the subject.
The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that the best option would be to be honest, to address her wit rather than her heart, tell her that I like her and offer her to just consider having a date without pressuring her and making any commitments. It's not easy to put in words but I think that is the safest option with her.
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Don't waste too much time mulling it over. Just go with your heart and take a chance. You only live this life once my friend.
Best of luck to you Freddy!
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^
Yeah, what he said.
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Usually female exchange students (been there) are more cautious than others and are afraid of commitment due to the fact that long distance relationships do not always work and there is a fear that they are just being played since they would not stay for a long time.
I don't think you understood the problem. I am not sure what is the right way for me to approach the subject.
The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that the best option would be to be honest, to address her wit rather than her heart, tell her that I like her and offer her to just consider having a date without pressuring her and making any commitments. It's not easy to put in words but I think that is the safest option with her.
That I think is the safest option. Go for it one baby step at a time.
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If you love her you need to just be honest with her about how you feel. It sounds like she makes you want to be a better person, if that's the case you gotta let her know. And you have to let her know how much you're willing to try to make it work. If it doesn't work out it's better to ask her than to spend the rest of your life wondering if it would have worked out.
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Your only problem: ASSUMPTIONS
Never, ever assume anything. Maybe she did like girls, maybe she was brushing a guy off, maybe she is/was bi curious... Bottom Line who cares
Life is a blank canvas, don't paint it black with doubt and negative thoughts.
Life is a blank canvas, the past affects the future but it does not equate to nor own it..
Life is a blank canvas, paint your own definitions and own how you feel.
Life is a blank canvas, have I said that enough times??? Good, remember it.
She obviously likes you if you're both spending time together, if you like/ love her then speak from the heart and speak your truth.. Because it may be painful if you do, but it will be even more painful if you don't. So don't spend the rest of your life wondering/wandering
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well i was in love of one of mi best friend and in this year i tell her but since she is daeting with someone i only tell her that i love her because i think i will fell better only telling this (in my case its works but obviously i will fell better if she was with me), in my case i only want that she knows that, i know that i lost my oportunity but I'll always remember that its stupid to wait, you feel better saying it, but its my opinion
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zangetsu468 has the right idea. And I also say it too. Never assume anything while living on this kind of planet. There are just too many variables to work out logically. Love is anything but logic. Best to leave logic out of this and go with what your gut is telling you. Speak from your heart is all you can really do. ;)
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Thanks for the advice, mates! Kinda boosts confidence. Shiroi and Zangetsu, thank you.
No doubt I would try this, now I have more of an idea what to say so I can be more confident about it. Suppose I'll tell you how it turns out.
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Thanks for the advice, mates! Kinda boosts confidence. Shiroi and Zangetsu, thank you.
No doubt I would try this, now I have more of an idea what to say so I can be more confident about it. Suppose I'll tell you how it turns out.
Please do. I for one believe true love was far too much a rarity in a universe of infinite possibility to even bother believing in... But you know what?
Life and love have proved me wrong, and I'm now with the love of my life.
The moral is be open to things happening in any form, never rely on pre-conceived notions, and follow your heart/ instincts because you know yourself best.
Good Luck friend.
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Thanks for the advice, mates! Kinda boosts confidence. Shiroi and Zangetsu, thank you.
No doubt I would try this, now I have more of an idea what to say so I can be more confident about it. Suppose I'll tell you how it turns out.
You're welcome~♫
We'll eagerly await the result.
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Good luck, brother! :D
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How did things go? If they have yet. ;)
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I must admit, im like spaghetti on this one. What happened?
Btw.. If you have done nothing yet, here are two things to consider.
If she is an exchange student and will be leaving, just forget about this. Love feels great. But anything that can make you feel that good can also CRUSH your ass to dust. If it's bound to end, don't put yourself through the pain man.
Also.. If she is a switch hitter that's another good reason to just forget about this. I won't say the reasons why, but i have more than a few good reasons.
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Okay, so now it's time that I give you feedback.
Today I met her and after a long chat suggested her to go out. Her response was "Okay. When?"
Being the idiot that I am, I said "Really? When? No why?" From this point I decided to give her the speech explaining why anyway, and she said "This is completely unnecessary".
I cannot start explaining how cute she was when she got embarrassed at me complimenting her. She couldn't even give me a proper compliment back.
When I elaborated whether there is no one else, she said, embarrassed, "gosh, am I that obvious"?
I consider myself incredibly lucky. I don't know whether it would work out, but for now at least I know that she likes me.
Thank all you guys for encouraging me. I don't think one gets so lucky that often.
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No prob dude ;)
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Well done you sweet talkin devil ;) Seriously Congrats
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Congrats from M.S. :)
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Awesome! Congratulations, my friend! :D
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( *゜▽゜)/°・:*【Congratulations!】*:・°＼(゜▽゜* )
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Many combolations!
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Yep, that's cool.
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... I hate to end a thread on a pessimistic note, but well, such is life. Got friendzoned, even though for a moment there I felt like it could have worked. Several hours after a date which ended with what I thought was a great goodbye kiss, she sent me this message saying that she really enjoyed the date but cannot see me as more than a friend.
The most annoying part about it is not the disappointment, which is not that awful, but the annoying thought of "what went wrong". That is the kind of thought which could drive you crazy to the point you may be tempted to actually ask it.
Could it have worked if I behaved differently? Did I do something which was a "dealbreaker"? Was I not passionate enough? Was I too sincere or emotional? Did I tell her things that I shouldn't have?
My most basic assumption is that I simply bored her. While this is not exactly something that I can control, it's an annoying thought. You can either be an interesting person or a regular person, but it all depends on a point of view I suppose. Reminds me of Radiohead's lyrics "I wish I was special".
I told the story to my military commander and he said "Stop thinking about it. From my experience, if you were a match, you would have known it from the very beginning. Otherwise, it's not your fault."
He's probably right. Can a man pretend to be something different from what he is? And if he could, for how long?
Oh, well, I decided that I did not waste my time for nothing and that I should maintain the friendship. Meeting a special person is rare and friends are after all, very important, no less than romance.
Freddy, out. :P
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She's a b!tch and you don't need that negativity in your life! SERIOUSLY just kidding ;D don't take that seriously ok. That was rude of me. Well Freddy you gave it your best shot. Don't get stuck on her search for other women. Try Eharmony.com It's run by an old man who hangs out with his grandaughter. :o
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Look, I don't want to speak out of line here, and I'm not sure how deep the disappointment runs, but I do want you to know that I sympathize. Having my own referent for this situation, I'm not going to pretend to give you any advice, since I really have none to give. Those questions are best unasked and forgotten, but if you're anything like me, you'll find them very hard to conjure.
Still, if there's one thing that I believe you should do, it's to maintain your friendship with her. That's something you rarely regret, especially once the initial chagrin has faded; and trust me, if you find her special, then there's a reason for it.
Life is full of surprises, they say, and even from my very limited experience I can concur. These surprises, they come good and bad, joyful and sorrowful, and sometimes the best thing to do is simply to sit back and wait for the next one to arrive.
There are times I like to say to myself: "Something always works someday". Maybe it sounds stupidly naive, and I'm not even sure if it's grammatically sound, but no matter -- other people have told me that it's true, and for once I'm inclined to believe them. Because all things considered, it really does help.
Of course, I may also be blowing this out of proportion, and if that's the case, you can blame me for projecting my own emotions onto someone else's life. But one way or the other, here's me wishing you, as sincerely as can be: good luck.
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The same thing happened with the last girl, i was dating out. She told me that she could only see me as a friend and nothing more, so i was having the same questions like you are having, what went wrong or what i did wrong. I tried to get an answer to these questions, only to make things worse..........in the end, i couldn't accept her friendship, so i stopped seeing and talking to her, for the best or the worst. :P
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Sigh.....if a person likes you, they will show it. For me a person will give, their undivided attention. Because, I truly felt i meet somebody who really appreciated me, or I could get along with them. I mean it, and I forget to ask her, or put the moves on them. Then their are girls who like me, and try to give me signals, I mean like really, really try to show me, how they feel. I am not an out going person, so the chance of me running into somebody I could get along with is slim.
So the best answer is to, go right up to her, and ask her out. If you already get along with her, it shouldn't matter, Just say "hey lets go out sometime, etc" and she will be like "okay like what" it could be anything. You could do this ten-million times, and chances are, you might get a number, or something even more?
Just hanging out is a good thing, otherwise.
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Yeah, the friendzone can suck, brother. Still, like other guys here are tellin ya, dont let it get you down. Your commander's right, tis no-one's fault. Just keep movin on to the next one 8)
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Some very succinct advice to our friend (and anyone else in a similar situation):
Sometimes it can feel right, but when you look back in 5 years + you will realise that it wasn't.
Although it can be difficult to wait, the right one will not make you feel like a friend, she will make you the person who is closest to her and much more.. You will know by the way she looks at you, and smiles, laughs, etc. You will know things about one another which you may not even know how, but it will simply be because you both click.
These days women have the power to do anything, women are powerful beings (like the Succubi of the CV universe)
What I'm saying is getting a girl's number or kissing her, sleeping with her etc doesn't mean anything these days, like Marvel they have
optionselects. It's the residual attraction and allure of a potential male counterpart which will keep their interest... When it happens you will know.
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She's gay. The one date was just a cover up because she doesn't want you to know. You said she is an exchange student. She probably thinks it will cause her more problems then it's worth for her to just come out to people she is very close with here.
IDK dude. That's my best guess and what i would be thinking based on the information i see posted.
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From someone who also has a problem of overthinking and always worrying about fucking up, go with your gut and make the jump. In the long run, whether it works out or not, it'd be better to have made the effort and gotten a solid answer than spend however long after everything's said and done and wondering what could have happened or been. Constant what-ifs bite you in the ass a hell of a lot harder and a hell of a lot deeper than rejection (at least I think so).
Hell, I'm in the middle of a slightly similar situation (in that I'm interested, she's interested, but I'm dragging my feet due to inexperience and thus hesitation), so I get it to whatever degree.
But like a bunch of other people have been saying, if it's meant to happen there'll be little ticks that will let you know. I don't really want to use the "if it's meant to be it's meant to be" line, but there's some bit of truth in it.
EDIT: Sorry to hear that, mate. Despite the Internet and douchebags making the friendzone into a backlash for blue balls, it certainly does suck for those of us who legitimately have been put there. But look at it this way; if the zone was that quick to rear its ugly head, then it potentially saved you a harder twist of the knife in the long run, and the fact that it happened at all could be taken to mean this catch wasn't the big one.
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It's not your fault.
It's not her fault.
These things just happen and that proves you're not a match.
You can still be friends with her and hope that in the future she might think of you differently or you might find someone else that would be a better match. Usually, you would find someone better, so keep your eyes open.
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LOL you people are horribly exaggerating. No, Morning Star, I don't think she's gay. ;D
The thing with the friendzone is that it's based on love triangles. I friendzoned a girl once. Maybe more than just one girl, but at least one I can be certain of.
It was much more simple for me then - don't know why I dated the girl in the first place, I didn't find her attractive but I liked her personality and wanted a relationship so I thought it could work somehow. Very quickly I found out I was fooling myself. She did not turn me on in any way. It's hard to say this to the person since it could hurt his or her feelings, nevertheless I think that kind of sincerity is better than making up all sorts of confusing excuses.
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The thing with the friendzone is that it's based on love triangles.
Love triangles are the bane of relationships. And unfortunately there are many people out there that think such things are romantic. They're f**king crazy and need to be admitted. Love triangles do absolutely nothing except hurt others. In such a compromise someone always gets hurt. That's a guarantee. If and when you do find yourself in one GET OUT OF IT FAST. Better to destroy the triangle rather then the triangle destroying you. A good example of such a love triangle is the story of Troy. Look at all the good it did them :P
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Look the friend zone, just means you should close enough, to say or anything with her. If you and her was trapped on an island, and had a chance, to be with her, that is the "friend zone". Like all those girls I knew from before, I was friendly enough with them to be able to make out with them, and joke around with them, to the point if we were going steady, fooling around, and just playing under the sheets, and feeling each other up. But I am talking about this like if I was twelve.
Wanna get in bed with her? have you already? is she seeing somebody? So far she sounds friendly enough. If it was me, I would just say what is on my mind, while whatever that might be, might sound inappropriate in an "Silence of the lambs" kinda way, I would just say it, or whatever just to get it of my back. Do not make it seem, like "she is the one, blah bah" or something like that. Imagine if you was not attracted to her, what would that be like?
This entire conversation sounds like an episode of "MTV Downtown" or "Mission Hill". I mean omgsh, girls, my word, what do I do,
Hey I know, just grab her rug, dip, twist, and go long ( and we could imagine the strip, that would go with this )...........
.........
Think about it like, this your not getting any younger, so what is so special about her??? Imagine you saying this and your fifty years old........and with children....but lets be more fearful, your thirty years old, and you have no main women to go to for sex, nore you can associate yourself with, to make things worst there is nothing in your life you could be proud of, no carrer, no job, or no achievement, conquest or glory, you can always say, that you tried, you tried, and you did as much as possible. Otherwise, you could send her a room full of flowers, and be like, your secret admire.
I do not want to put idea's into anybodies brain. I just want to say, hey go for it, you might miss a chance, and the next day an accident might occur, and you will always be saying to yourself, I wished this or that, but at least you did or say something.
Then again...ohhh noeees..... she might not be sexually active, and spend the rest of her life, going to work, sleeping in a giant bed, eating portable dinners, in her giant over sized apartment complex, or housing structure, with a bunch of canaries. Like an barren womb, that was once the mighty Niagara falls but is now the grand canyon, but instead of the canyon, there is a bunch of sand.
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Man, you need a hug.. Or something
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Yo Freddy, it's easy to idolize someone to the point where you think they're perfect for you. Sorry it didn't work out,. There are literally millions of single women out there. Just keep at it. Be assertive and confident. It doesn't matter how you look or what you say as long as you are confident and complimentary.
It helps to down a few shots first before you say something.
Oh, and the next girl who tells you she wants to be friends, just smile and reach out for a friend hug... then as you're hugging slip your index finger down her pants and up her butthole. Since you guys are now friends it will be a "hah hah" moment you can laugh at later over tea.
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Disregard factors in isolation like looks money and even fame
Why a woman likes you all comes down to this:
She believes other women would want you/ find you intriguing/ want to sleep with you.
It's that simple.
If a guy pines for a girl and acts clingy, this is not attractive. Even if the girl you idolised did this with you, how would that make you feel? You'd lose interest, fast..
The toughest thing is you have to walk the line
Be confident never arrogant
Charming but never sleazy
Interested but not overly eager
Polite and well mannered but never submissive
Basically for whatever intentions you have with someone, treat them as you would appreciate being treated.
Everyone is different, but if you're a lucky son of a bitch you may just find what you truly desire.
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Dammit! I thought we have a "massive success" story here! :( Disney movies are nothing but lies!
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Dammit! I thought we have a "massive success" story here! :( Disney movies are nothing but lies!
And behind those lies was a paedophilic anti-Semite with a set of drawing utensils
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;D Are you guys saying that Miley Cyrus isn't really a good role model for young girls, lmao!
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;D Are you guys saying that Miley Cyrus isn't really a good role model for young girls, lmao!
Have you see her latest music vid? The one Ron Jeremy spoofed, LOL!
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And behind those lies was a paedophilic anti-Semite with a set of drawing utensils
Are you for real? :o I don't know what you mean, but "paedophilic anti-Semite with a set of drawing utensils" sounds kind of cool and awful at the same time ;D.
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Are you for real? :o I don't know what you mean, but "paedophilic anti-Semite with a set of drawing utensils" sounds kind of cool and awful at the same time ;D.
It's real alright.
(https://castlevaniadungeon.net/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi61.tinypic.com%2Fdf8tck.jpg&hash=0a0fd0f8cca7d8dcfd3c2bde956404f1)
Have you see her latest music vid? The one Ron Jeremy spoofed, LOL!
Can't say that i have. I guess i have something i need to look at now. That's sure to be funny.
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Oh... now I see... :)
The one thing I can't understand is why everyone thinks Illuminati guys are evil. Don't tell me they are lizard-men - I already know that. :D But may be they are just a bunch of idiots, believing in some weird gods.
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Oh... now I see... :)
The one thing I can't understand is why everyone thinks Illuminati guys are evil. Don't tell me they are lizard-men - I already know that. :D But may be they are just a bunch of idiots, believing in some weird gods.
No ones saying they're all evil, that's being discriminatory. If they do exist some are probably just like everyone else. However the cluster of them who choose to manipulate people eg pervert children's cartoons, there's negative intention behind this, which can make it evil. The concerning thing is if they do this believing it's justified.
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I read the first and Last Post, going from relationship help to Illuminati.
That esculated quickly.
Also, Illuminati is evil, what excuse could you make to justify subliminal messaging to children?
Unless the artists just put it there to tick off illuminati conspirators... but that's too unlikely
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I read the first and Last Post, going from relationship help to Illuminati.
That esculated quickly.
Also, Illuminati is evil, what excuse could you make to justify subliminal messaging to children?
Unless the artists just put it there to tick off illuminati conspirators... but that's too unlikely
... It did, didn't it??? (Brick killed a guy)
I also wonder if Dracula turning into a Dragon has played on anyone's mind as symbolic
OP you deserve a perfect 10 model, don't stop until you get one!!!
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For those wondering, I'm not being down and trying my luck with someone else now. It's not gonna be simple either, but maybe Fortuna would smile at me this time. :rollseyes:
Zangetsu, you are the man. ;D
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For those wondering, I'm not being down and trying my luck with someone else now. It's not gonna be simple either, but maybe Fortuna would smile at me this time. :rollseyes:
Good luck Mooning Freddy ;)
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Oh lord.
Your friend is in deep trouble now.
It goes like this. Got over that girl and was kinda ready to move on. I asked another girl I like out and she agreed.
I was kinda optimistic about it, even though I don't know the other girl that well.
The very next day, I meet the first girl and we have a very nice conversation for a couple of hours. Like I said, we are good friends.
Next thing I know, she tells me that she decided to change her mind about having a relationship. She says it's complicated but she had time to think and now likes the idea. I ask her if she is sure, and she says she is.
Good lord. Yours truly considers his possibilities for a moment. The choice is between here-and-now and something that is unknown and uncertain. Never been in such a situation before. I chose here-and-now.
But this creates a problem. What do I do about the second girl? Her friend told me she's quite fragile emotionally and I need to do something so as not to appear a huge asshole. I believe my best choice is to tell her the whole thing and compliment her, saying that I didn't choose the first girl because I think she's less charming. This could still hurt her, but I think she could take it and I can't think of anything better to do.
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LOL!! My Dad had a similar experience to yours. Except that the two women that wanted to date him both confronted him at the same time; each one sitting right beside him and waiting for the reply. In the end he hid in the men's washroom until one of his buddies came along and helped him leave the building, lol!
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For those wondering, I'm not being down and trying my luck with someone else now. It's not gonna be simple either, but maybe Fortuna would smile at me this time. :rollseyes:
Zangetsu, you are the man. ;D
Welcome :)
Fortuna Castle from DMC1? ;)
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Oh lord.
Your friend is in deep trouble now.
It goes like this. Got over that girl and was kinda ready to move on. I asked another girl I like out and she agreed.
I was kinda optimistic about it, even though I don't know the other girl that well.
The very next day, I meet the first girl and we have a very nice conversation for a couple of hours. Like I said, we are good friends.
Next thing I know, she tells me that she decided to change her mind about having a relationship. She says it's complicated but she had time to think and now likes the idea. I ask her if she is sure, and she says she is.
Good lord. Yours truly considers his possibilities for a moment. The choice is between here-and-now and something that is unknown and uncertain. Never been in such a situation before. I chose here-and-now.
But this creates a problem. What do I do about the second girl? Her friend told me she's quite fragile emotionally and I need to do something so as not to appear a huge asshole. I believe my best choice is to tell her the whole thing and compliment her, saying that I didn't choose the first girl because I think she's less charming. This could still hurt her, but I think she could take it and I can't think of anything better to do.
Oh my! That is tricky. Fortuna must have smiled longer than usual. hehehe.
I am not good at those double relationships, some of the guys here might be able to help more.
But I prefer the honest way and say it straight to the other girl.
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X, your father sounds like quite the player, lol!
Thanks for the tip Shiroi.
Told my mother the story. Her response killed me. :P
"You know what you should do. Secretly date both of them to see which one is better."
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Your other friend chose to back away from any potential relationship, so there's no logical reason for her to be offended. Best-case scenario, she's sincerely happy to see that you've found someone else instead of endlessly mulling on about her. Otherwise, if you think she'd feel at all uncomfortable, try to mention it as tactfully as possible -- but you can at least tell yourself that nothing is objectively your fault.
Either way, go the honest route. It tends to make things much easier in the end.
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I agree with Intersection. Get it over with now before the simple headache turns into a raging migraine ???
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It doesn't have to be that complicated. Just tell the other girl that you just want to be friends. You don't have to say anything about the other girl or explain anything else. There is no nice way to tell her that you're choosing someone else over her, so I wouldn't bother taking that route.
If the two girls are friends then you won't really have a choice. But if they don't know each other or only hang out once and a while, then it won't be a problem. Just date the other girl and let her find out when she finds out.
This way you don't have to lie to her, and you don't have to tell her about the other girl, which would only throw salt onto her wounds if she takes it hard.
Good luck!
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Montoya is 100% right my friend.
Unless the gals are good friends outside of you, I wouldn't bring it up.
There's being honest and there's giving away too much info.
When relationships start out, nobody is exclusive or bound by anything - there are no rules or contracts - it's all a blank canvas.
Rules should only be made by two people when they care enough about one another to make them commit to one person, again this doesn't mean it has to be after 3 days or 3 months (no rules to this either!)
You have the right to pursue happiness and if you believe one person will make you happier than another, you should pursue this.