Castlevania Dungeon Forums
Off Topic => Off Topic => Topic started by: Mooning Freddy on August 24, 2015, 06:59:27 PM
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Hey people. I am once again depressed and would to know your opinion about a subject.
My SO has cheated on me. She has been honest about it and admits it and also said she regrets doing it.
Now, here are the factors in the story, as a start to explain my situation.
1. My SO and I are in a long-distance relationship and have been away for a month.
2. Lately our relationship has not been going well. She said that she is not happy in the relationship, has been depressed and
we were on the verge of breakup. But we decided we should try and make it work because we love each other.
3. She said that she had sex with a friend of hers, not too close. It was a one-time "casual sex" during a holiday she took.
This factor is very painful to me, because it's not a "I found someone else" case. It's more of a "I was sad and depressed so I did it". It's more painful to me as I think sex should be reserved only for people you really trust and care about.
4. She was drunk. (not an excuse of course, we all know we control our wishes while drunk; it is only judgment that becomes clouded).
5. She said my position on casual sex was unclear. Partly true, because while I don't personally like the idea of casual sex, I said it's not a dealbreaker. But that was probably because I never seriously thought she could do it; When she said she had, I felt terribly disturbed and disgusted by the thought of her having sex with someone else.
6. She says she regrets it, never did it before and will never do it again, and wouldn't have done it if she know how bad I'd feel about it.
Here's the bottom line: we still love each other and want to be together. Yet my attraction for her has been hurt now that I know she's capable of casual sex, something that I find disgusting. She also half-blamed me for the cheating, saying it was because of the problems in our relationship and unsatisfactory sex.
I don't think there is any excuse for it, and told her from that point the relationship is most likely dead. There are still strong feelings, though, and the will to fix things.
But I don't know whether I should try. I suffered too much from her impatience towards me, and problems that I have with my feelings. I want to know what other people think and whether you think it's a dealbreaker.
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To be perfectly blunt if she blames you for her actions ie problems in relationship = her casual encounter, even though she may want to be with you, she doesn't care for you nor want the best for you imo. The residual feelings you still have will fade with time and I don't know if one would ever be comfortable sleeping with that person or even next to them again. The will to do it is pretty bad already, the execution must hurt and im really sorry you're going through this.
It concerns that it was a friend of hers also, that's worse than someone random imo as it seems to imply some form of pre-meditation.
The real question is can you forgive her for a) cheating b) blaming you for all relationship issues? It takes two to be a couple my friend.
I hope it either works out or you find some closure on the matter.
Best of luck.
EDIT: My stinking grammar.. Something went awry
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Yeah, I'm with Zangetsu. It doesn't seem like she's treating you right, nor does it seem like she's as invested in the relationship as you are. Remember, love is a two way street, and your needs and desires should be respected as much as hers. If she's not willing to do that, you deserve someone who is willing.
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Dude. I don't want to be evil, I really don't. But this whole thing is a major dealbreaker in my eyes. Let's go through the points based on what I think:
2. Lately our relationship has not been going well. She said that she is not happy in the relationship, has been depressed and we were on the verge of breakup. But we decided we should try and make it work because we love each other.
Being "not happy" and depressed is not an excuse for cheating. You get the fuck up there and tells what is wrong. If it doesn't work, you freaking break up. Cheating is never excusable.
Plus, I read this line but I understand "I love her a lot, but she doesn't love me as much, even though I think she does."
3. She said that she had sex with a friend of hers, not too close. It was a one-time "casual sex" during a holiday she took.
This hurts just from reading. Like Zangetsu put, this reeks of premeditation, even if there was none.
Do you even know who this is? Because if you don't, she SURE AS FUCK won't be kicking this dude away to never see him again. He'll be always looming near, and will even get to see your face someday. And you'll never know who he is so you can at least avoid his presence and preserve yourself.
4. She was drunk. (not an excuse of course, we all know we control our wishes while drunk; it is only judgment that becomes clouded).
Even before drinking, everyone has the power to choose to have their mind clouded or not by booze. This, by itself, is already enough for me to end everything under any circunstances.
"Oh I'm sad. What do I do? Maybe get drunk so I lose control of my faculties? Yeah, sounds like a good idea to me."
She says she regrets it, never did it before and will never do it again, and wouldn't have done it if she know how bad I'd feel about it.
Been there, heard that. Didn't work with me and I was right all along. Sure, everyone is different, but the "once a cheater, always a cheater" cliché exists for a reason.
And she regrets it. So she IS aware that the casual-sex thing was a negative thing to do, but still did it? One more reason this is a major deal breaker with me - trying to pin the blame on you. Like you said in your bottom line, you had NOTHING to do with this. You're the one being cheated on.
C'mon man...
5. She said my position on casual sex was unclear. Partly true, because while I don't personally like the idea of casual sex, I said it's not a dealbreaker. But that was probably because I never seriously thought she could do it; When she said she had, I felt terribly disturbed and disgusted by the thought of her having sex with someone else.
This is a complicated spot.
Learn from this: If ever, EVER, EVER your position about casual-sex-while-being-in-a-relationship is called into question, and you feel that you are unclear on the position you'll take, the answer is NEGATIVE. Say you loathe it, even if you really don't.
I also find this whole "you were unclear, therefore it was green flag" instance extremelly dishonest. Generally, the default position for cheating is NEGATIVE. But beyond that, she goes around doing crap and tells you LATER to see how you'll feel? WTF MAN?! She goes around filling voids in her heart with casual sex? Awesome girl!
I think you should part ways, because you're trying to resurrect a dead, putrid dog. But bear in mind this all is just MY vision of it based on what you brought us.
And I should say this: Do not buy the "I won't do this again" spiel. It's not about doing it again, it's about doing it ONCE. And even if you forgive her, by my experience, the next time she does it, she'll pin the blame on you even harder.
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Placing any sort of blame on the other person for your own cheating is inexcusable. If one has problems that led to that decision, then they should have tried to work them out verbally.
Personally, I'm in the same boat as far as the meaning of sex, but cheating's something I have a very visceral problem with.
If it were me, the deal would have been broken as broken gets and I'd have kicked her ass to the fucking curb, tossed all her shit out there with her, burned as much of it as I could without risking it spreading, lock the doors behind me, and put that shit on social media so everyone she knows can bear witness to the kind of person she really is.
Not saying that's what you should do, but considering that's pretty much my stance on the subject I'm not gonna be able to really offer you much else here.
Really sorry, mate. You deserve better than that.
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I just saw the movie Gone Girl.
This reminds me of that just a smidgen.
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All of your arguments make me sad. The fact is that from our conversations, she said our views on sex are different. She comes from a place where she says that to her, sex is important, but it's not sacred and does not neccessarily reflect love; it's more about fun and joy to her, and she complained before that she thinks our sex life needs improvement.
I also hurt her before; Obviously not in sexual way but an emotional way, and she hasn't recovered and said I didn't do much to make her feel better.
I said that she would feel the same as I do in my place, but she said that she won't. This is where I think she's being dishonest, mainly with herself.
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I've seen previous posts from you about her on here, and it really seems like she's dragging you down...like she's an emotional burden on you. Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but from where I see it, you would be better off without her. You might be setting yourself up for a long string of arguments and frustration if you stay with her, but ultimately, you need to take a hard, honest look at the situation and determine what's best for you.
This is where I think she's being dishonest, mainly with herself.
Again, I can only judge from what you've shared on this forum, but she sounds like she could stand to be more honest in general.
Best of luck to you. I thought I met the love of my life some years back, was with her for several years, moved with her to a different city, only to be dumped after I tried to prevent her from driving home drunk (there was more to the breakup than that, but I guess that was the "breaking point" for her). I thought we were meant for each other, and after some good years together (and some so-so ones right before the end), it finally gave me time to stop and think: were we really good for each other? And the answer was no. Her dumping me probably saved us both some years of merely putting up with each other and not much else. I definitely wouldn't have met my current wife if the relationship with this other girl would've continued.
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All of your arguments make me sad. The fact is that from our conversations, she said our views on sex are different. She comes from a place where she says that to her, sex is important, but it's not sacred and does not neccessarily reflect love; it's more about fun and joy to her, and she complained before that she thinks our sex life needs improvement.
Dude, as I see it, cheating does not necessarily mean "having sex with someone else." *I* see it as meaning "taking liberties outside of the relationship that were supposed to be reserved for a relationship only under previously mutually agreed-upon rules."
With me (WITH ME) it can be anywhere between speaking a certain way to a stranger, to full on intercourse.
I also share a similar view of sex with her: I don't necessarily agree that sex is supposed to stay as something relationship-stricted. Sex is a good thing, and humans should partake in it more, relationship or not.
HOWEVER, what I do NOT share with her is the fact that I make my thought-process obscenely clear to my partner before we decide to proceed. If I'll sleep with someone else at every fuck-up my partner does, I pratically write this information down on a neon outdoor so everyone is clear beyond a shadow of doubt.
By what I saw here, she betrayed you by assuming things about your judgment and intentionally hiding relevant information from you, which is having sex with someone else knowing beforehand you'd not react well.
And THEN she goes and try to pin the blame on you.
I also hurt her before; Obviously not in sexual way but an emotional way
So? You hurt her, therefore green card for her to do whatever she wants? If things are so bad, she could have the ovaries to break up with you and spare herself and you from more pain, couldn't she?
and she hasn't recovered and said I didn't do much to make her feel better
Again: So? Since you're failing to help for one reason or another, she can do whatever the hell she feels like? Are you cheating on her, for starters? No? Then she can go cry for momma, because you're doing what you can. What she perceives as enough is not the rule: Do YOU think you're doing enough?
Also, I have a question: Is this the same girl from the lost ring, where you felt like you're incapable of feeling empathy? Because I'm noticing a pattern here: Of you being emotionally preyed upon by someone who keeps rising the standards of self-satisfaction that you are required to meet, or she'll psychologically torture you, until they are impossible to reach. Meanwhile, nothing is ever required from her, because everything is your fault.
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All of your arguments make me sad. The fact is that from our conversations, she said our views on sex are different. She comes from a place where she says that to her, sex is important, but it's not sacred and does not neccessarily reflect love; it's more about fun and joy to her, and she complained before that she thinks our sex life needs improvement.
I also hurt her before; Obviously not in sexual way but an emotional way, and she hasn't recovered and said I didn't do much to make her feel better.
I said that she would feel the same as I do in my place, but she said that she won't. This is where I think she's being dishonest, mainly with herself.
Freddy obviously both your views are different, but sex and intimacy not being exclusive between 2 people in love - why the hell not? It should be when you love someone and they also apparently love you. (That's my opinion that I decided upon a long time ago, the person I spent my life with would have to believe this too and believe in monogamy. I digress ...)
What is it YOU want? Do you believe it should be sacred, and is that what you deep down want her to believe too?
It sounds like she wants "intimacy" but is trying to fill it with "sex", although these two often work hand-in-hand, they often don't as well. (Which is why sex with another person didn't work.) It's something people have to work at sometimes for a long time (if it's not something you can share at a more innate level.) I'm sorry to add insult to injury but if she just wants "fun" it's not a good thing because she should be wanting that with you. It sounds very much like on some level she does really care because she told you about it. Whether or not/ how much a guilty conscience attributed to this is up to her.
How do you know she's not recovered but just holding that as ransom over your head in order to justify future mishaps? It sounds like you've called her out and she's just using any means possible to shift the blame back onto you. Everyone and anyone can cause emotional harm and sometimes it's bad, it probably hurts worse than cheating for some. But it doesn't change the fact that physically cheating not only ruins people internally, it destroys lives of people around it - like the relationship equivalent of Hiroshima. Nothing is ever the same after.
You're right in that she's fooling herself, you'd be looking for another place to live or kicking her out if you slept with someone else, I've seen this time and again. So don't be fooled yourself.
The best advice I can give is to not believe the hype, not on this forum, not anywhere from anyone and this includes her... What do your heart and your head say?? Listen to them.
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If this is the same girl with that ring issue, I think what you're having is a one way relationship (you are deeply in love with her, but she is just not that into you).
The question from me is: Are you 100% sure that both of you are in love with each other?
If yes, then proceed with caution. If no, slowly ease away from her.
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I think I owe you the entire story to pass judgment. Stay a while and listen.
I started dating her over a year ago; a year and several months.
For the first year, it was fairy tale love. We were full of affection for each other. She was my princess; smart, sexy, beautiful and modest. There was no boy-girl bullshit, no shoe-shopping or petty conversation. I enjoyed every minute with her.
Sure, we had disagreements about our future. And petty arguments. But I thought the love is strong and we'll make it somehow.
She was more than a great partner for me: she opened me to new things, new knowledge; adventures. When I met her parents, I loved them. I thought they're the nicest, coolest people. I thought that the relationship is a gift from destiny.
This is where we made plans: she sort of convinced me to apply for study in her country and spend a year living with her.
I didn't take it seriously at first, but it worked. I got accepted and started preparing for the next year.
But then, we took a vacation together and things started going bad; she said I wasn't very enthusiastic to meet her. Sadly, she was right. Somehow, I started taking her for granted and seeing her drawbacks. Her slight excess weight, her huge ass that I didn't find too attractive, her slight impatience in conversation and nervousness.
I said that it's no big deal, we have known each other for a year and started getting used to each other, which made it less exciting; but I still loved her. I still wanted to be with her. I said to myself that she's the most wonderful (and sexy) woman that I've met and to stop being an idiot thinking about her drawbacks.
Then, several arguments happened. Shiroi, yes, the one with the necklace (not ring) among them. I thought that I managed to make her feel better, but apparently, I hadn't. After we got back from the vacation, she started pointing out all the problems with the relationship: lack of empathy, (a problem that I have, I admit it), boring sex, the way it's not as exciting anymore.
After she admitted the cheating, she said it's a bottom point for the relationship. She suggested taking a break, since she can't break up. I don't know if I can either, not at a point when I'm so dependent on her.
While I'm not all against it, there is one, big problem: the plans that we made to live together.
We decided the best thing would still be to live together. But it could be quite depressing if we broke up.
I suggested a different arrangement: friends with benefits. We would no longer be in a "relationship" but there would still be intimacy. She said she might me okay with the idea but she wants to try and rebuild the relationship after a break.
I made my point that I'm pessimistic about anything changing during "the break", but would go along with it since we still love and care about each other.
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I still retain that she's playing you, and if you two were to break up but still remain in contact or try to build it back up, then that's just her trying to get you wrapped around her finger again.
From what I've read here and in the other threads, she doesn't seem to think and be hurting about these things nearly to the degree that you are and have been. I could easily be wrong, but as you've described her actions and words compared to your own, I'm seeing somebody who probably doesn't care and is only sticking around for superficial reasons.
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Get out of this relationship as soon as possible.
Do not accept "I won't do it again", and definitely don't let her blame you.
Just drop her, and burn your feelings away where she won't see you do it.
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Jorge has a point.
Based on what you have written it doesn't sound like you're that into her either. (Which is not to say you don't love and care about her well being).
Also no idea about your age/ life and love experience Freddy but that 'first year of love' you spoke about seems more like infatuation which most people have when they start seeing someone.
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I'm agreeing with Jorge but...
Freddy, are you still pursing the study in her country gig? And is planning to live with her during that period?
If you really can't back out of that, then taking a breather might be an option, where both of you would just be on roommate status but it would be awkward and complicated. Although personally, I'd try to find a room for myself if I'm really insistent on studying abroad (I do what I want on my own terms!).
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This is the third thread I can remember you talking to us about this woman (if she can be called that.) I still think she's more of the child mentality and has yet to actually grow up. And through all the threads about her its been a very bumpy ride for you. You don't need this kind of aggravation in your life. You deserve to be happy. You have every right to want happiness. Heck, you can even demand it if you want to because this is your life we're discussing here. And I don't think you'll find happiness with this girl. This is her third strike against you (yes, I'm using baseball terminology here.) And since that's the case, she's out. Now, while I have absolutely no experience with women, the other members here have and they all seem to be in agreement about the situation you're in. I think right now your feelings about your girlfriend might be clouding your judgement, so you might want to take a step back and logistically examine the scenario. I wish you the best of luck and all the courage in the world. Do the right thing for yourself as you are the most important person in your life, because it is yours. :)
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While I like all of you taking my side, I still think most of don't understand the situation.
My GF isn't manipulative or selfish (at least not more selfish than what many other girls are), most of time she is very caring and lovely, and more; she gives me gifts she's great in bed, she never takes advantage of me for money or anything of the kind. But she also can be very impatient and somewhat intolerant.
She has problems. But so do I. I am far from the perfect boyfriend. I am not very sensitive or empathetic. In many cases where I should feel something I simply feel nothing. Overall I'm also quite a boring person. I admit it. I'm not exactly what you would call a catch. So I don't know whether other girls would think of me more then she does; I certainly don't think so. So I think she's somewhat right in being unhappy in the relationship and I'm the one who needs to change.
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This girl is selfish and immature. She's either not right for you, or not ready to be in a relationship. Probably both actually.
It sounds like she really needs to learn humility. Breaking up with her would be good for both of you. Hopefully it will teach her to appreciate other people a little more.
I know some couples that survived cheating and came out better from it. But I don't think this is one of those situations based on the rest of the information.
If you let her walk all over you this time, you'll be setting yourself up for her to continue doing it. You do not want to be trapped in an emotional abusive relationship. That what it sounds like this is to me.
Good luck to you man.
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While I like all of you taking my side, I still think most of don't understand the situation.
My GF isn't manipulative or selfish (at least not more selfish than what many other girls are), most of time she is very caring and lovely, and more; she gives me gifts she's great in bed, she never takes advantage of me for money or anything of the kind. But she also can be very impatient and somewhat intolerant.
She has problems. But so do I. I am far from the perfect boyfriend. I am not very sensitive or empathetic. In many cases where I should feel something I simply feel nothing. Overall I'm also quite a boring person. I admit it. I'm not exactly what you would call a catch. So I don't know whether other girls would think of me more then she does; I certainly don't think so. So I think she's somewhat right in being unhappy in the relationship and I'm the one who needs to change.
Dude wtf it sounds like you hate yourself.
What's with this post talking about how your non-manipulative SO is caring and good in the sack when two posts ago you were bagging her for ploughing her friend and making you feel bad?
Bolded: are you even listening to yourself ? You're completely back-pedalling.
If you believe she's right to be unhappy and you're in the wrong why even post up about this subject matter?
Best of luck, sounds as if you'll need it.
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So I think she's somewhat right in being unhappy in the relationship and I'm the one who needs to change.
She slept around on you. There's really no good excuse she can have for that. That's not something that someone in a committed relationship deserves to have happen to them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you want to keep her out of fear that you'll never be able to find someone else...I've totally been there before. There are plenty of women out there who like "boring" men. Hell, my wife and I have become total homebodies, and we're both perfectly fine with that. It's just a matter of finding someone who's right for you (and as much as online dating gets made fun of, it actually works pretty well, in my experience).
Whatever you decide, just make sure to stick up for yourself. She's the one who was unfaithful...no matter what perceived problems you have with your personality, that simply can't justify cheating on her part.
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I know some couples that survived cheating and came out better from it. But I don't think this is one of those situations based on the rest of the information.
Well, she said she only did it once. She confessed immediately after this. She didn't try to hide it (and she very easily could), and said she regrets it and would have never done it if she had known how angry I would be.
She was in a serious emotional mess ever since our vacation.
Plus, I don't know if I should bring it up, but she had some ultra-libertarian somewhat hippie-style upbringing and is less conservative than me when it comes to sex. She said her previous relationship was an open one and they didn't mind casual sex with other people. But again, she acknowledged it was a mistake, expressed honesty and deep regret and said it won't happen again.
I will give her another chance. If for nothing else, for her honesty. When we do break up, we need to do it full-heartedly. Both acknowledge it's the right thing and that there's nothing else to do. I feel that it is not yet the right moment.
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She must be a Belmont cuz she's got you whipped!
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Hearing about this girl from you, Freddy, I can say that she is being an immature, unfair snob to you. You shouldn't have to put up with what she's putting you through. The more you just accept her lifestyle with you in this manner, you'll just be week in her eyes, and she'll continue to perform actions like this. I see how you're stuck with her atm, but definitely stay away from her in terms of a relationship. She's said negative things about you, and she just cheated on you.
I know how hard it can be, man, but you can move on from her. Another few things to consider:
1.) If it was reversed, she'd most likely call you out for being a snob and leave you
2.) The more time you waste with this bitch, the more time you're losing from meeting other women, women who can stay faithful to you because they do actually care about you or love you. From what I read about this girl, shes just using you, and she doesn't care about you. Shes just apologizing to you to keep it up, when she'll be unfaithful again later.
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The ending to this will be just like Berserk's; sad, twisted, bittersweet and in 50 years time when it's too little too late.
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Dump the bitch and cut all ties; don't let her drag you down further. Damn, dude. Don't let this relationship make you feel like you're the boring person who's bad in bed and all that shit; your value is greater than that and there are women who will appreciate you.
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http://youtu.be/bbanWHx5AFQ (http://youtu.be/bbanWHx5AFQ)
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I agree with Freak.
Dump this person. They are no good for you.
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While I like all of you taking my side, I still think most of don't understand the situation.
My GF isn't manipulative or selfish (at least not more selfish than what many other girls are), most of time she is very caring and lovely, and more; she gives me gifts she's great in bed, she never takes advantage of me for money or anything of the kind. But she also can be very impatient and somewhat intolerant.
She has problems. But so do I. I am far from the perfect boyfriend. I am not very sensitive or empathetic. In many cases where I should feel something I simply feel nothing. Overall I'm also quite a boring person. I admit it. I'm not exactly what you would call a catch. So I don't know whether other girls would think of me more then she does; I certainly don't think so. So I think she's somewhat right in being unhappy in the relationship and I'm the one who needs to change.
Relationships are a give-and-take. One person has to meet the other halfway to keep things going. So far I've seen several threads about this shit all more or less saying the same thing:
"She says/feels/does [thing] that makes ME feel like I'm the one responsible for everything bad that happens."
And that's not something you do to somebody you love. Period.
Everybody's got problems, it's not an excuse to sleep around or make your partner feel like a shitty one, intentionally or otherwise. In this context where - if I remember right - she KNOWS how you feel, and is doing nothing that is actively and continually filling that void and bringing you back up, then she's just as much the problem as you claim you are.
Gifts and sex and not taking monetary advantage are not get-out-of-jail-free cards. For starters, gifts are nice, but too many ruins their appeal after so long, and quality > quantity wins out the thoughtfulness of the gift, rather than the material gift itself. Two, sex varies in importance and emotional meaning from person to person, but if you two have been together as long as you have and she claims she never at any point picked up from any conversation or action or hint that you're against casual sex or open relationships, then that's a red flag. Body language and subtle clues tell all, and I am without doubt that at least a few came up in your time together thus far. She knew, or she's got the intellect of a rock. Three, NOT doing something you shouldn't do doesn't somehow make you better. "Well, my girlfriend doesn't steal my money or anything" is pointless, because that's how it's supposed to be, you don't up and steal shit from your partner, and by not doing something she already shouldn't be doing she does not immediately become a better person.
Personally, I think she's playing you. She's got you at a point where she fucking cheated on you in what is very likely a premeditated scenario, and you're giving her "another chance because of honesty." The fuck does she care about honesty when she cheated on her boyfriend of, what was it, over/about a year? In all that time she seriously didn't learn that you don't like cheating or casual sex with third parties when in a relationship? Do you really buy that bullshit?
Bottom line is, she committed one of THE cardinal sins of the cardinal sins of a monogamous relationship, and you're still giving her one more chance. And then it'll be one more chance, then another, then another, then another. If I and what appears to be damn near everyone else are correct in the assertion that she's playing you like a fiddle, then this outcome is exactly what she wants, because from here on out she knows that you'll forgive cheating if she says she's really sorry and would never have done it if she knew it'd bother you.
She fucking knew, and on the chance she genuinely didn't, then she's not ready for a committed relationship.
Either way, I feel you should kick her to the curb and cope with everything where she can't bear witness to or be involved in it. If she is indeed a player, then your pain in her gain.
Is it really worth all this trouble for someone who clearly doesn't know you as well as you may have thought, is willing to cheat on you simply because she felt "depressed" about your relationship, and who prefers to opt for impulse actions and instant gratification while not of a clear mind, simply because she's good in bed, gets you shit, and doesn't steal your material assets (yet)?
Who cares how good in bed she is or what she gets you, what kind of fucking person is she? Sure, everyone says their SO is nice or beautiful or smart or wonderful or whatever, but how much of the truth holds up to that? I see a girl who would rather cheat on her boyfriend that talk out whatever led her to that decision in the first place; and the fact that she just went and did it rather than ask you about casual/open sex with others or say anything until AFTER the fact shows that she knew exactly what it would do to you. She only brought it up after because she couldn't have grovelled and begged for another chance until after the deed was done.
I'll say it again. From where I'm sitting, she's fucking playing you, dude, and so far you're dancing right along to her tune.
Get the fuck out of there.
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Well, at the moment I put it on freeze. Which means not talking to her unless I absolutely have to. It's not officially closed, but in my emotions, I think I'm gradually freeing myself.
Last night I gave her a test of trust; I requested something she's not willing to do, but is fairly easy to do. (a "special favor" so to speak)
She refused. She said she'd be willing to do other things. I pretty much gave her an ultimatum, do it or it's over. She said that I'm emotionally blackmailing her into doing something she thinks isn't right to do.
It's on freeze. Which means at the very least I'll be ridding myself of the addiction to her. The almost uncontrollable urge to constantly chat, argue and share. It's like crack, an addiction, I admit it. I would be able to free my mind.
Thanks for the support.
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Just ask yourself "what would Konami do...?"
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I wouldn't have given the "do the thing or it's over" ultimatum, but that sounds like a careful step in the right direction.
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This relationships sounds very rocky. A healthy relationship must be 50/50, where both partners put effort into each other. This applies to even basic friends. Without that, the relationship becomes one-sided, which is almost never worth the effort. \
The best advice I think I've heard is "Become the strongest version of yourself." It works because it applies to every arena of life. Relationships, skills, ideas, etc. You said that you are "boring, not very empathetic or sympathetic." You may be exaggerating, but if that's true, I would reflect on you and ask "How can I improve this or that about me?"
Basically, when it comes to getting a partner, don't ask yourself, "How do I get a good girlfriend?" Ask instead: "How do I become the kind of man women want to be around?"
As for her, I highly advise you cut the relationship. It does not sound like it is working out for you two. If you keep putting effort into a bad relationship, it may be distracting you from other, better relationships you don't know about yet.