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Offline Lumi Kløvstad

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None of us have likely heard of Njord Audio (gods know I haven't).
But they have made a (sort of) portable speaker with line-in and Bluetooth that is louder than your average live concert.

Meet the Valkyrie.

The speaker features a couple 12-inch woofers, a 6.5-inch mid-range driver, a bullet tweeter, and a 1,000 W amplifier.
All of this equates to  30 Hz – 20 kHz frequency range and 125 dB of sound. To compare, a concert is estimated to be as loud as 119 dB, while a thunderclap should measure in at about 122 dB.

At under $600USD, this is cheaper than I expected and I might have to start saving up for a sound system worthy of blasting the soundtrack of Ragnarok. The world will be ending, but at least we'll have tunes.
How not to be a dark lord: the answer to that is a terribly interesting answer that involves an almost Jedi-like adherence to keeping oneself under control and finding ways to be true to yourself in a way that doesn't encourage the worst parts of you to become dangerously exaggerated and instead feeds your better nature. Also, protip: don't fuck with Alchemy or strike up any deals with ancient Japanese Shinigami gods no matter how tempting the deal or how suavely dressed the Shinigami is.