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Offline Claimh Solais

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Looking for some advice after a pretty bad year.
« on: March 08, 2016, 09:45:44 PM »
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I don't really have a lot of people to talk to, being that I'm not a very social person. So I don't really have people to talk to about this. But I've seen a lot of y'all here have had some pretty good advice to give to people about different situations, so I decided I'd ask this here to all of you.

Basically, this last year has been a whole road of shit for me. Back in February last year, I lost my job. It wasn't particularly a good one, just a warehouse job where I worked about 40 hours a week. But it was easy and fun, and I had some good friends there. Then just out of nowhere I got laid off. That put me in a rut. I managed to get rehired there, but it wasn't for a good few months later (in August that same year), and I'm only part-time now, working about 20 hours a week with less pay.

Then in May last year, my grandfather passed away. He was one of the kindest and greatest people I knew. Even with all the crap he took from people, he always had a smile on his face. Even now, I still haven't fully come to terms with the fact that he's gone.

Back in December, I got into my first car accident. I knew one would happen eventually, but I always figured it'd be a small fender-bender or me accidentally denting someone's car by opening my door too fast. Instead, it was me slamming into the side of their car with the front of mine, resulting in their car flipping over. There was a family in the car, and they were all right in the end, but it's left me kinda shaken up since. There was a little boy in the car who was crying, and his mother was pregnant. Even though they were all right, just with minor cuts and bumps, I still get anxious when I think about it.

Last month, two of my family's dogs passed, too. My golden Coby, and my uncle's poodle Sunshyne. I loved both of them a lot, Coby in particular I was really close with. But I haven't come to terms with them being gone either, and I still find myself calling for them and looking for them all the time, completely forgetting that they're gone.

Then just last week, my relationship with my girlfriend of four years ended abruptly. We had major plans, of things like moving in together, and whatnot. And then just... abruptly, it's over. And this has been a real damper on my... attitude, I guess? On everything, really. I haven't been able to focus on anything, be it work, my hobbies, or whatever.

But basically, this is all stuff I've never dealt with before all coming at me so frequently that it's unbelievably overwhelming. I've never had to deal with a death in the family before. The only family member before my grandfather died was my great-grandmother, but I was six at the time and I have almost no memory of her. But my grandfather was the one who raised me and was there for most of my life.

The car accident I've been mostly able to move on from, and I've at least been able to work up the nerve to drive again.

I've had pets that have died before, and given time, I'm able to move on. But the breakup with my girlfriend happened not long after so I'm unable to really focus. And I've dealt with breakups before, but they were never that serious of relationships, and never lasted longer than a few months.

So yeah. What I'm saying really is, how do I deal with all this? There's just so much going on so fast, that I can't find a way to deal with all of it without feeling overwhelmed, which sucks even worse since I have anxiety issues. Just... whatever advice I could get would probably help a lot, and would be appreciated.
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Offline Ratty

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Re: Looking for some advice after a pretty bad year.
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2016, 11:34:35 PM »
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"This too shall pass", just keep moving forward with your life, try to press on. Keep looking for better jobs, look for a better love. The one thing you absolutely cannot do is stop and get stuck in a rut believe me. The only way out of hell is through it as Churchill said, or as apparently Einstein put it, “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”

Offline X

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Re: Looking for some advice after a pretty bad year.
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2016, 12:26:49 AM »
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Ratty's right Claimh. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually you'll get through all this. As human beings we have an innate drive that compels us to overcome even the most troublesome of circumstances in our lives. Even if it doesn't seem that way, just keep a positive outlook and you should be alright. We all have our issues and there are those that struggle more then others. But don't give up!

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Offline zangetsu468

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Re: Looking for some advice after a pretty bad year.
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2016, 01:11:46 AM »
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Some hard and fast advice.
- The day after someone passes isn't the worst day, it's months after which you would have been through. Same with your animals (they're like family members too) and it hits you hardest when you realise they arebt around and can't respond to you anymore.
- life is precious, that family could've died but they didn't. Count your blessings because that situation could've been bad.
- If you didn't end up with someone they weren't the right person for youth begin with. The person you're supposed to be with doesn't walk out on you when things get tough or don't go exactly how they envisioned.
- Life is precious and fickle, it's not a given the people we hold dear will be there forever so we have to maximise the life that we have and try to do dverything in our power to live.
- there's no easy way going forward, maybe life doesn't get easier but you WILL find yourself and find your footing again. Just keep persisting.
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Offline Mooning Freddy

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Re: Looking for some advice after a pretty bad year.
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2016, 12:32:16 PM »
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I'm kinda wondering about my year myself now. Six months after having a crisis in my life, I don't know whether I'm much better.
In the beginning of the year (September) after my plans for the year blowing up in my face and hard breakup with the girl that I loved, I decided that I wanted to improve myself and make my life better than before.
Six months later, I find myself working WAY too much than I intended (found a job that I thought would be easy but turned out to be quite intense and time-consuming), as a result I make a nice amount of money but have no social life (not like I had much before but now I find that I have too little time even for that). Had a couple of dates, but they went no where, especially since I failed to find a girl who I found intereting enough to dedicate my attention to. Wrote six chapters of my novel, which is nice; less than I wanted, though.

All in all, I don't know what's happening in my life. It seems like I'm just waiting for something new and exciting to appear but I don't really see what. *sigh* My life isn't depressing and nothing actually bad happened to me; but the routine seems to be driving me nuts. I guess I need to meet more people.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2016, 12:34:09 PM by Mooning Freddy »
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Offline Dracula9

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Re: Looking for some advice after a pretty bad year.
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2016, 02:20:03 PM »
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You cannot let pain defeat you.

Pain cannot truly ever be greater than yourself, for it is a product of yourself, and no matter how hard it gets you cannot allow it to win, because it has no reason to.

There's not really much I can say in lieu of comforting phrases and nomenclatures and all that, but not because I'm unsympathetic or anything of that sort; rather, regardless of what we here tell you, how you manage your pain is something that you will ultimately have to do yourself. You're the captain of the vessel, but we're simply the maps giving options and routes for you to consider; we don't steer the ship ourselves, as it were.

I guess the only real advice I can give you after a continual train of painful and shitty life situations is this:

We're human. We all fall, and we all hurt, and no matter how much we hurt, life goes on. We can choose to let our own minds and demons overcome us, or we can choose to pick ourselves up and keep going, keep finding something to live and believe and fight for. This is as big a world as it is small, and within it are innumerable things with which we humans can occupy our time with. We just have to believe...no, know that there's still something out there worth living for in this world of ours.

We're only human. We all fall, and we all hurt, and we all have our moments of weakness; but those moments of weakness are what define us as individuals. At the end of it all, your mind, your pain...you are your own worst enemy, but that's nothing to be discouraged about. After all, in any other situation, how difficult would it really be to defeat an enemy that you know inside and out from birth up until that moment?

What do I think you should do? I can't tell you that, not specifics anyway. The practical answer of what to do is something you must discover for yourself. But I can do my part in trying to help you find your way enough to locate the most appropriate and correct path for you.

Look around at your life. Consider what you have that others might not, or the things that you may otherwise take for granted. Remember the good times in your life and the bad, and weigh the qualities of each and which side has more impacted who you are today. Remember your grandfather and dogs and relationship for those times which made you feel like you were on top of the world, and happy beyond compare. Remember the little moments, gestures, words, the things you barely would have noticed then that mean more in hindsight. Remember the good, and smile in spite of your pain and your tears, because those things are yours and yours alone.

We're all human, and we all have our bad times.

You are no exception. You've had your bad times.

But you've also had your good times, and nothing can take those away from you. No family death can take your happy childhood and holiday and reunion memories and positive emotions from you. No breakup can remove from you that loving heart which spent so much time beating for another. Nothing can take those happy times from you, but your own mind and pain can make it feel like those times were insignificant compared to the temporary pain now.

Unless you give your own mind--and by extension, your own pains and demons--permission to do so. That sounds silly, I know, because who would willingly let themselves feel bad, right? Well, the subconscious mind is an amazing thing, and humans being as social of creatures as we are, it's very easy for the socially-trained mind to close itself off from having that sort of power over itself. It's simply a matter of allowing oneself to express their pains and fears and doubts in the first place in a way which gives them a window to get the upper hand on them. And once more, this method is unfortunately something unique to the individual.

You're still breathing, right? Being alive means you have the ability to make things better, and overcome those things which would weigh you down, and that is an encouraging thought.

It always seems the darkest just before the dawn, after all.
« Last Edit: March 09, 2016, 02:23:38 PM by Dracula9 »


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Offline Claimh Solais

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Re: Looking for some advice after a pretty bad year.
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2016, 10:23:38 PM »
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It does begin to feel a little easier day by day. I worried for a bit that it would only be better until the next crappy thing happens, but that isn't any way to think, let alone live. So I'm trying to just do what some of you had said: put one foot in front of the other, just keep on going.

Thanks a lot, everyone. You all said a lot of things I really needed to hear.
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Offline X

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Re: Looking for some advice after a pretty bad year.
« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2016, 12:52:19 AM »
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You're welcome Claimh Solais :)
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