Topic: Thoughts? Advice?

[theANdROId]

I'm not really sure what I should do about something and I wonder if I could "phone a friend" here...or maybe "poll the audience" is a better reference to make.

It's a little long, but the main point is that I'm not sure whether or not I should or even want to continue with the masters program that I'm taking.  I'll list my thoughts for/against later, but for now let me start with a bit of background/timeline

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Specifically, the program is for a Masters in American Sign Language: Teaching Interpreters.  It's a brand new program that was recently designed and started in 2012, and is entirely online.  When I started the program in Fall 2013, it seemed that it would have a number of benefits.  It was designed by the same person who designed and was Department Chair of the interpreting degree I got in college.  That program was fantastic and truly prepared me for my job as an interpreter.  I thought for sure I would love this program as well.

Also, the program was on a path towards providing teaching certification, which was something I wanted.  I was wanting to become an ASL teacher (for foreign language in high school, for example) and I need teacher certification for that.  The only options we found I had at the time were: 1 - Get a job offer and apply for a certificate with a certain teacher training program; 2 - Go back to school for an education degree, which would have taken 3+ years worth of classes; or 3 - This or a certain other masters program.  After 4 months of never getting any return contact from the other program, we went with this one.
Finally, there was some other goal of the program that, if achieved, the degree would have given me a significant raise as an interpreter.

Unfortunately, that fell through.  After lots of progress towards it, the teaching certification suddenly fell through too.  I think by this time it was Spring 2014, I had taken three classes, and had already registered and paid for the fourth.  We figured that I'd continue with that class and later discuss whether or not I'd continue the program.

Well, mid-class four is when I had the sudden heart failure, transplant, and recovery mess happen.  Obviously, we didn't discuss the program that summer, but we did as the next fall semester was coming up.  For Fall 2014 I would not yet be allowed back to work.  Immediate family on both sides all thought I should take classes since I'd be stuck at home.  Honestly, I think at that time I just agreed because...well I was recovering from transplant surgery, probably still in a bit of shock, and how would I argue with all four parents and my wife?  (Besides, my wife's father is the kind of person that when he decides something is right/should be done/whatever, it is so, and you better do it.  It's...awkward)

For spring semester 2015, I was approved to return to work and we thought it best if I focus on that and resume classes again later if I could handle it.  Meanwhile, the college where this program is hosted finally bit the dust and had to partner with another college.  (My Alma Mater is currently in the process of being torn down, but the program is still available online)

And finally we arrive at summer 2015 where we decided I'd take one class because of so many other things happening this summer.
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Now I have to decide whether or not to continue the program this fall.  Here are my thoughts:
Reasons to continue
-- I'm over half-way through.  I have 6 classes left.
-- When I was mid-class and suffering heart failure (unknowingly for most of the class) I hardly had the energy to be awake, much less do research.  Nonetheless, the teacher (who was also the lady who designed this program) really worked with me, and even though what I turned in shouldn't be enough to get me a passing grade, she gave me a passing grade anyway.
-- It will allow me to teach at college level, and I could most likely get a part- or full-time position as an online teacher for a University.  This would be a great supplemental income, which we will need in a few months when my Medicare (or whatever it is) ends in September.
-- For most of this program, I've had the Graduate Assistant position.  This position allows me to take these classes for free in exchange for doing 160 hours of various work for the program Chairperson.  Since we are good friends with that person, we've also been approved to assign me to the position (as is the requirement) but allow my wife to do all of this work.  So classes have been free (minus a few minute fees) and my wife has basically been working to put me through the program (so I feel like I owe her, and feel bad for wanting to quit)

Reasons I want to quit
-- It will only provide the possibility to teach at college level.  The reasons I started it were the chance to get a raise and teacher certification, and neither of those are possible now.
-- I don't know that I really even want the degree anymore.  This is particularly related to the previous point, but possibly related to future points as well.
-- I don't think the new college offers a Grad Assistant position, meaning we'll have to pay for classes now.  It's a little cheaper, but we already are gonna be insanely tight-budgeted in a few months.
-- I might be able to get a position with an online high school if I were to focus on their online training course...something I can't/don't do when I'm working and taking masters classes.
-- I've pretty much hated this whole program from the beginning.  I haven't enjoyed it at all as I'd thought and hoped, which stresses me out, and I'm sure stresses my wife out as well.  I think there are a few reasons for my hating it:
   -- One is the heart failure stuff.  Honestly, I haven't done much (nor had time or chance to...) in regards to exploring how I feel about everything that happened (and I don't know if I want to).  But sometimes, when having to sit down and work on classwork, I feel like I'm wasting time -- wasting my life.  I don't want to do this stuff, but want to spend time doing something I enjoy or with my family.  I wonder if I'm more aware of my mortality or something...I dunno.
   -- Since she was the Department Chair for my BS in ASL Interpreting, the program's designer and Chairperson has done a lot.  She was teaching college classes for the BS degree, adopted two kids, actively interpreting for a video relay service, quit the college position, began teaching high school classes in ASL, took back a position at the college (helping those who took her place), took over the online portion of the Educational Department of that college, designed a masters program, is transferring over to the new college for the merge, and is applying to teach at an online high school.  Note that she is still, somehow, doing ALL of these things.  Knowing this, and knowing what my wife has done, I realize she's pretty shabbily thrown this degree together.  There are lots of projects that work great for in-classroom, but not so much for online.  She is very project-oriented.  She believes the best way to teach is to say, "Do this," or "Make that," without giving any instruction or details, because if you figure it all out yourself you learn more.  This method is really hard for me...I just don't do so well that way.
-- At this point, I'm just about the only one left in the program.  Most of what I have left are the "degree" classes and one or two general content classes.  For the degree classes I'm likely to be the only one in them.  The class I took this summer was that way and it was awful.  The teacher (the program designer lady I mentioned...who will be teaching all of the degree classes) doesn't give instructions and there was nobody to compare to or chat with.  Many of the projects were group projects for 2-4 people, and instead of making any changes to them, I simply had to do them all on my own.  (To be fair, she did cut one in half, and eliminate another...but there were several others I did on my own.)
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I think that's it.  There might be more I'll add later.  Having typed it out, it seems like the main reason I want to quit is that I selfishly just don't like or want to do it...but you're also supposed to (at least sometimes) do stuff you hate to support your family, right?
Sorry it's so long.  Feel free to ask questions if you have any or if I wasn't clear on something...and I'd really appreciate any thoughts or advice anyone has.  I think I just don't want to do it anymore, but I feel like I have to do it.

[X]

Hmm. Tough call. From what I've read you've thought out weighted out well the positives and negatives. But in the light of your post I think you might already know the answer. All you have left to do is make a decision.

(Besides, my wife's father is the kind of person that when he decides something is right/should be done/whatever, it is so, and you better do it.  It's...awkward)

Just remind your wife's 'old man' about a little thing humanity calls the declaration of personal rights and freedoms. He risks getting in trouble with the law otherwise 

[zangetsu468]

I don't know you personally, so anything I reply is not a dig at you. In the words of the late great Satoru Iwata, please understand..
From what I've read it seems like you're not in a good place because you haven't had time to completely absorb what has happened. The fact that you're saying you "just don't like what you're doing" doesn't really mean much, it seems like an immature reply to a problem which stems from not being in a great place emotionally/ mentally. The proof to me is that you listed all of these reasons to talk yourself out of it, but only a few to keep yourself in - one of which being that your family NEEDS the income you'd get from this qualification. And so what about not being able to teach teachers? You said yourself it will give you more employment freedom about where you can work, which is much more valuable than one institution giving you a "raise". I've been in a situation where staying in the same company opened doors and that same company ended up giving me a substantial raise later down the track, you never really know what can happen. Just make a choice and stick with it, don't be half arsed, it's not very manly nor is it becoming.

I understand in a sense you saying you don't want to argue with your wife/ all 4 parents, but the other side of me is saying grow some balls and use them. If you're scared of defying your wife's father, this is nobody's fault but yours unfortunately. You need to stand your ground sometimes even if it means upsetting the apple cart. All of these reasons to do/not do things sounds very situation-based by which I mean you've lived and let life sweep you into directions to wind up where you're currently at now. But how many of those decisions did you make by yourself without your wife/ family's influence?

Honestly mate these were choices you have to take ownership for, including having a family. If you don't want to support your kids because you're in a bad place then this is going to potentially be an incredibly selfish decision to not continue. If you want to blame certain aspects on other people and listen to other people I have news for you, aside from your own parents people will say/ do whatever they please without necessarily considering the ramifications it will have on the individual they're addressing. Your wife and her family are just humans at the end of the day, they're not a sentient force beyond your current capabilities to deal with.

Regarding Masters: If you feel this way about your qualification today you may or may not feel differently tomorrow. But you can't raise/ provide for a family based on good intentions, so I would advise to put your marriage and kids first whatever the cost to yourself. Kids are a commitment for life, and if your marriage ends they will be an even more expensive one #facts

[Shiroi Koumori]

The first thing that came in mind was "Uh-oh". That masters program is tanking and you're the only one left.

I know you want to teach at the high school level and that masters won't help you with that (besides all masters grads of any course have the possibility of teaching college level courses, if they hire you, as with my experience). Then, you're just halfway through, now's still a good time to back off if you decide to. It is harder to quit when you're already taking your qualifying exams/ thesis. The good thing is you can still put that in your CV even if it is incomplete.

Why not go back to option 1: get a high school job offer. You can always return and take another more established masters program anytime when you're already settled with a job. Grad school will always be there.

[theANdROId]

Thanks all!

I've done some more thinking, discussing, etc., and I'm gonna start another semester, and unless something dramatic (or lack of money) prevents me, I'll likely finish with the degree.

One thing I was...am struggling with is...well I don't know exactly what to call it.  As (I think) I said, I wasn't sure I'd fully...accepted(?) this whole transplant thing.  I've done great, and I've come over a year with results always next-to-perfect, but I think I'm still coming to grips with it or whatever.  Obviously, going through something like that is a big deal and bound to flip someone on their head...whether or not I should be over it by now, I'm not really.  I'm "better" after the transplant, but there is still tons more to do, work through, and consider.  For example, I don't think I ever even thought about the reality of death until this happened.  Maybe that's crazy or something.  I guess all of that was making me want more time for the things I enjoy, and this program isn't on that list.  I feel like it's a waste because the gains and opportunities seem very based on chance or luck.  The popularity and legitimacy of ASL is rapidly growing, but the academic acceptance of it (as far as adding it to a roster) isn't.  Most anyone else I talk to sees otherwise though.   It seems more logical that I'd be the one with wrong point of view, so I'll keep going.  I've only got a year left anyway.

Thanks for the help though! :-)

@Shiroi -- I'd love to go back to option one, but I haven't found a high school that is, A: Interested in adding ASL to their classes, or B: Able to afford hiring another teacher.  I'm still looking though.

@Zangetsu -- I've always been absolutely terrible at making decisions.  I think most of the time I really don't care to one side or the other.  So I've always amassed the advice/opinions of others, and then sat down to consider all of that to what (if any) feelings I have on the matter.  Your statement that I've sorta been swept to this point is probably pretty accurate.  But it will hopefully open more opportunities, thus getting us a greater or additional income.  Family definitely should be first in my mind, and if that doesn't mean continuing this program, it means finding another job.  Continuing the program is probably easier, and as I said it should open opportunities.

[zangetsu468]

Android, everyone is different so I can appreciate that 2 different ppl wouldn't make the same decisions or undergo the same methodology in reaching 1 consensus.

Sometimes things don't work out exactly as one had planned, but it doesn't hurt to use the skills acquired along the way to one's advantage.

Very glad that you have reached a decision.