There is a LOT to this topic. I'm not going to give the whole run down, but I do want to touch on a side of it I think hasn't really been brought up yet.
In some kind of weird polarization, theres actually a shit load of 'strong independant female characters' in Japanese media that are basically dressed like strippers. Its especially prevalent in those shows and games where every cast member is a female. You know the intention is to make them all basically each an example of a certain fetish or style for every man to pick out what they'd like to be with the most. Yet some of the character's writing (albeit very shallow at times) can lead to some of those characters having the traits people want strong female characters to have.
It makes you wonder, in regards to Japan specifically, how exactly do they see these things? Why bother writing characters that way if they're just sexual fetish avatars? Or do they see these things differently? Perhaps some sort of detachment from the design?
I don't really have an answer to offer for it. Just highlighting another face of the discussion.
I've often thought about putting something about this entire discussion on my developer's blog, but it's such a huge topic. I wouldn't know where to begin, nor think I have enough info to really come to some sort of useful conclusion or 'solution'.
Actually, from a psychological perspective, there is an explanation for this. The word fetish, as you described, perfectly explains this phenomenon. The dominant personality is just another faucet of that fascination, as such, in regards to Japanese culture, would be considered odd or out of place. I know it's a generalization, but that's the point. Women, especially in Japanese culture and history, have been severely oppressed and repressed. The strong
oppressive woman, then manifests as a taboo fetish. It's kind of fucked up when you think about it, but it makes sense.
Ideally though, I'd want all these strange mommy and daddy and Freud issues removed from videogames, at least, where they appear unintentionally. It's basically what happens when you create at a shallow level, without any sort of self reflection as to why you are creating (writing, drawing, developing, etc.) what you are. And the end result is a bunch of games developed by men, socially conditioned to think and act a certain way, even a subconscious level, that throw out all their weird sexual hangups for the world to see. As I mentioned earlier, it's kind of sad. I almost feel sorry for these developers, that they're not able to cognitively function at a higher brain capacity. Of course, without inner reflection, and with being surrounded by like-minded people, it's difficult to begin any sort of self-critical process.