This has not been a good day for me, apparently.
Ex: I want to die
Me: No.
E: Why not?
M: BECAUSE NO.
Suicide shouldn't even be dignified with a thought.
If you are bitten by a zombie, and are at the moment where the plague is about to turn you on your friends and fellow survivors, I give you full permission to toss yourself into an appropriately dramatic meat grinder or some shit.
Otherwise, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
E: I am a worthless nothing with no hope for the future and I'm just dragging a wonderful person down with me and I'm generally a burden to everyone
M: What, and I'm not?
Death will take me kicking and screaming though.
Whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, how often do I answer "good"?
Usually I answer "I'm not dead yet" or something like it
People think I'm being funny. I'm not.
I have come SO close to suicide several times.
Because I faced it and found reasons to keep living, even when all my endeavors turn to failure, I will never allow anyone else to succumb. Because nobody will ever be that weak. NOT. ON. MY. WATCH.
E:I keep messing things up. Ultimately I'm a failure.
M: ME TOO!
WOOP DEE FUCKING DOO
You know what I'm good at? Gaming, writing, and NOT DYING.
But I won't ever take the easy way out.
It takes more bravery to face a full life of failure than a short success in death.
And I am no coward.
E: I lost a good job
Because of my stupidity
M: WE ALL DO
I still haven't recovered from the last lost job and that was 2012
I'VE BEEN OUT OF WORK FOR 3 YEARS
Every attempt to get a new one has been met with failure
But dammit, I'm still here
E:I messed up my chance at unemployment
I'm looking at house payment and no chance
Jen is here and because of me she too faces being out on the street
Because of me
Someone is sufferring because of me
M: So you're just going to be selfish and let her continue suffering after you die? Great choice.
E: Without me she'd be better off.
M: See, you think that
Everyone does
I did
Again, I TRIED TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF 3 TIMES
IN THE SAME YEAR
I know what I'm fucking talking about
It is cowardly and selfish, it will simply cause more pain, and doesn't fix anything.
Sometimes we have to live even when we're desperate not to.
Stay alive.
E: I just don't know what to do. All my applications are met with failure. I got rejected after two interviews at a place people with worse records got jobs
M: You're describing my exact life hun.
I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS OFF OF WELFARE CHECKS.
It's not something I'm proud of or enjoy.
I game as heavily as I do because it's the one thing I'm really good at.
Gaming keeps me from offing myself
E: At least you have that
M:READ BOOKS
WRITE THEM
E: I have shit grammar and worse spelling
M: That's your excuse?
Literally anything is better than giving up
E: You've seen my writing
M: And my writing was always perfect, I see now
E: Most likely better then mine
Was or ever will be
M: So, you're either born with a excellent choice of words or an illiterate peasant, I see now. Thanks for being so enlightening. I had no idea I was so fortunate.
OH WAIT
That's bullshit
I got this excellent at writing because I practiced
More hours than most ever will
And guess what? My first drafts still suck.
Writing, reading, building, living... THESE ARE ALL SKILLS
They take work and practice
The difference with living is that you can do something else if you give up at the others.
If you give up with living, then that's it. You're done. Forever.
E: I'm sorry
M: Damn well better be
Because I'm not accepting this. Never will.
I'm better than that, and you are too, even if you don't see it. Because if you kill yourself? I guarantee you never WILL see it. Think about that.