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Would've loved to have seen Arnie and Sly team up back in the 80s for this. Or even a CG movie today with them lending their voices. Alas...
I feel that the story of Contra is actually fairly straight-forwards. The american version of the story is a bit more convoluted since they changed it from an already future-esque setting to a late 20th century one. Hardcore Uprising is an alternate universe prequel so it kinda stands on it's own. However I also feel that Contra 4 (awesome game to be sure) only adds to the confusion as it is a sequel to the american version of Operation C. In the Japanese version of Operation C there is no Black Viper. At least as far as Contra: Shattered Soldier's backstory history files is concerned. I am very curious as to what the Japanese version of Contra 4's story is since I can't seem to find it or any translations for it. Shiroi help! Please?
How not to be a dark lord: the answer to that is a terribly interesting answer that involves an almost Jedi-like adherence to keeping oneself under control and finding ways to be true to yourself in a way that doesn't encourage the worst parts of you to become dangerously exaggerated and instead feeds your better nature. Also, protip: don't fuck with Alchemy or strike up any deals with ancient Japanese Shinigami gods no matter how tempting the deal or how suavely dressed the Shinigami is.
I think they already made this movie. It was called "almost every film Ahnuld starred in in the late 80's".But still, I'm game for a film laced with Grade A Pure Uncut Colombian Testosterone.