Topic: Really like her, but don't know how to make it work

[Mooning Freddy]

I know I am generally being horribly cynical and sarcastic about stuff, but this is where I need advice. I feel like I'm in a really complicated situation and don't know how to act. Don't know if anyone was ever in such a situation, but if you were, please help with some advice.

The story goes like this: yours truly met a girl. At first she just seemed to me an interesting person to talk to and I haven't considered anything serious. However, we quickly became quite close friends, seemed like we had a lot in common and I found myself sharing with her some things I hardly talk about with my best friends. As we became more attached, I realized she may be the most intelligent and charming girl I've met. And I don't use the term "charming" often. She isn't just pretty, she has a charm that makes you not want to leave everytime you are with her.

Thing is, one of my friends who is a barman told me that when she was in his bar with her friends, some guy tried to hit on her, and she rejected him saying that she likes girls.
I knew I can't just trust his word and one of the days while having a casual conversation, I told her what he said and asked whether it was true. In response, she became embarrassed, started giggling, stuttering, and said at first "no", then "Well, it's a difficult question"
I said that it isn't, and she said "I don't know. Basically, I don't think there should be one answer to that question".
Jokingly, I said that I knew some nice girls, and she responded with "Oh stop that, I'm not looking for a girlfriend."

Needless to say, I found this conversation very confusing. If she just said yes, that would be enough for me to leave her alone. But she didn't. Instead, that response was just what I expected (and kinda feared) to hear from her. Even though she is very intelligent, it seems she is unusually shy and bashful when it come to discussing romance, and maybe scared of commitment. Being the kind of guy that I am, that fact made her even more charming to me.

What complicates the story even further is that she's not from my country. She's a foreign exchange student, which is what made her more interesting to me, while at the same time making any idea of having a relationship harder.
I feel like I'm between the hammer and the anvil. I like her too much to not try and initiate something, and I think she likes me too, but the combination of her shyness and intelligence makes it impossible for any cheap machoist romantic tricks to work on her, so I try to be as gentle and nice as possible with her, because I feel that if I pressure her that would scare her. But I really don't know what to do, whether I could make her like me enough to break the defensive barrier she has against having any kind of relationship that is as difficult. And I'll be damned, she's not the kind of girl I would play around with; hell, she's the kind of person I'd like to get married with. 

[uzo]

Sexual preference isn't necessarily black and white.

Also girls say a lot of things to get random guys off their back. That's never a solid way to gauge anything.

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

Pretty much 70-75% of the women I hang out with use the "I like girls" excuse to get men off of their back.
15% afterwards use another excuse ("I'm seeing someone" or "Jorge here is with me"), while the last 10% really do like girls.

Don't go by hearsay.  Ask her yourself.

[Mooning Freddy]

I don't think you understood the problem. I am not sure what is the right way for me to approach the subject.
The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that the best option would be to be honest, to address her wit rather than her heart, tell her that I like her and offer her to just consider having a date without pressuring her and making any commitments. It's not easy to put in words but I think that is the safest option with her.

[Belmontoya]

Don't waste too much time mulling it over. Just go with your heart and take a chance. You only live this life once my friend.

Best of luck to you Freddy!

[Jorge D. Fuentes]

^
Yeah, what he said. 

[Shiroi Koumori]

Usually female exchange students (been there) are more cautious than others and are afraid of commitment due to the fact that long distance relationships do not always work and there is a fear that they are just being played since they would not stay for a long time.

I don't think you understood the problem. I am not sure what is the right way for me to approach the subject.
The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that the best option would be to be honest, to address her wit rather than her heart, tell her that I like her and offer her to just consider having a date without pressuring her and making any commitments. It's not easy to put in words but I think that is the safest option with her.

That I think is the safest option. Go for it one baby step at a time.

[Ratty]

If you love her you need to just be honest with her about how you feel. It sounds like she makes you want to be a better person, if that's the case you gotta let her know. And you have to let her know how much you're willing to try to make it work. If it doesn't work out it's better to ask her than to spend the rest of your life wondering if it would have worked out.

[zangetsu468]

Your only problem: ASSUMPTIONS

Never, ever assume anything. Maybe she did like girls, maybe she was brushing a guy off, maybe she is/was bi curious... Bottom Line who cares

Life is a blank canvas, don't paint it black with doubt and negative thoughts.
Life is a blank canvas, the past affects the future but it does not equate to nor own it..
Life is a blank canvas, paint your own definitions and own how you feel.
Life is a blank canvas, have I said that enough times??? Good, remember it.

She obviously likes you if you're both spending time together, if you like/ love her then speak from the heart and speak your truth.. Because it may be painful if you do, but it will be even more painful if you don't. So don't spend the rest of your life wondering/wandering

[Jop]

well i was in love of one of mi best friend and in this year i tell her but since she is daeting with someone i only tell her that i love her because i think i will fell better only telling this (in my case its works but obviously i will fell better if she was with me), in my case i only want that she knows that, i know that i lost my oportunity but I'll always remember that its stupid to wait, you feel better saying it, but its my opinion

[X]

zangetsu468 has the right idea. And I also say it too. Never assume anything while living on this kind of planet. There are just too many variables to work out logically. Love is anything but logic. Best to leave logic out of this and go with what your gut is telling you. Speak from your heart is all you can really do. 

[Mooning Freddy]

Thanks for the advice, mates! Kinda boosts confidence. Shiroi and Zangetsu, thank you.
No doubt I would try this, now I have more of an idea what to say so I can be more confident about it. Suppose I'll tell you how it turns out. 

[zangetsu468]

Thanks for the advice, mates! Kinda boosts confidence. Shiroi and Zangetsu, thank you.
No doubt I would try this, now I have more of an idea what to say so I can be more confident about it. Suppose I'll tell you how it turns out.

Please do. I for one believe true love was far too much a rarity in a universe of infinite possibility to even bother believing in... But you know what?
Life and love have proved me wrong, and I'm now with the love of my life.

The moral is be open to things happening in any form, never rely on pre-conceived notions, and follow your heart/ instincts because you know yourself best.

Good Luck friend. 

[Shiroi Koumori]

Thanks for the advice, mates! Kinda boosts confidence. Shiroi and Zangetsu, thank you.
No doubt I would try this, now I have more of an idea what to say so I can be more confident about it. Suppose I'll tell you how it turns out.

You're welcome~♫
We'll eagerly await the result.

[Gunlord]

Good luck, brother!