Topic: The Castlevania Pub (aka the AKP, or the C-Pub)

[ninjawolf]

*Back at Dracula's Castle in shafts chambers*

Shaft: *Holding a potion emanating great power* Here it is lord! The Secret potion that we have been secretly been studying for years!

Dracula: *Snatches bottle* I swear...If this in any way screws up MY PUB. I'm going to make you dance to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" for the rest of your LIFE!!!

Shaft: ~Gulp~ I-I-I'm sure its perfected sire...

Death: ~Sighhhh~ I really hope that pub dosent go to waste...I Never got the chance to go there!

Dracula: Oh hush. Im sure everything will be alright!*Chugs down potion in one Gulp*.......WTF SHAFT!!! THRILLER FOR YOU!

Death: Dang.

Shaft: NO NO NO PLEASE! CAN IT AT LEAST BE "BEAT IT" OR-OR "BAD"!!!

Dracula: Hell to the NO! You know I- *SUddenly the potion inside Dracula begins to swell and creates a very bright light that blinds the room*

D/D/S: AUGHHHHH!!!!!!

Meanwhile At Konami

IGA:*Stops at thinking of a new Castlevania game and looks up wide eyed*...Oh my Julius....I-I-It cannot be....NO!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Back at Drac's Castle

Death: Shaft is he dead?!?!?!

Shaft: If he is im going to damn hell tellin Michael Jackson he didnt like "Bad" or "Beat it"

*The smoke rolls away from Dracula's Body as he lays there motionless*

Dracula: .....

D/S: M'Lord?

Dracula: *begins to regain conscious* Unhhh....My head.....And my body...Did it work?

Shaft: I belive so lord the potion is a complete-

*Shaft and Death look at Dracula as he stands up fully*

S/D: DAAAAAMMMMNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

Dracula: What the Crap?? What?? *Dracula looks around seeing his whole body is made into a Human Woman!*

Dracula: OMG OMG OMG! NOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Death: Well...Do you still have your powers?

Dracula: *Teleports into bats to the other side of the room*
Well...It seems so.

Shaft: I-I Did not expect this! *Picks up part of bottle and sees the label reading*

[ninjawolf]

Dracula: What the Jesus am i going to do!

D/S: WAIT NOT THE HOLY WORD!

*A minuet passes and Dracula has not randomly combusted*

Dracula: Heyyyy...I can say holy words now! CHRIST, GOD, HOLY BIBLE, CROSS, PRIEST!

*Nothing happens*

Shaft: Okay by now he would have been a friken A-Bomb destroying half or Europe.

Death: *Hiding Under the the table* You think so?

Dracula: Hehehe...What else can i do...*Pokes Breasts in a confused manner* Oh wow...These are nice. *Pokes vagina*
Heh sweet!

Death:....

Shaft:*Scrambling in his lab* Now where the hell did i put that video camera!

Dracula: *Stops touching himself* EXCELLENT! Our new Belmont plan is at reach! Now all i have to do is find out who will be in charge of my pub...

*Suddenly An AxeArmor busts through the dungeon wall*

AA: Urrrr...Sire we have a Tad issue. *Looking around seeing that Dracula is not around, but catches his eye on the woman*

A/S/D/D: .......

AA: HUMAN! DIE FIEND! *Starts to do his usual attack*

S/D: WAIT NO!

Dracula: Hold it you damn dumb blue bucket of bolts!

AA: *Stops* Waiiittt...No one else knows my Nickname! But...Lord...!!?!?!??!

Dracula: Yes im a Vampire stuck in a sexy human lady, How bout that eh?

Meanwhile at Konami

Worker 1: IGA ARE YOU OKAY!?!?!?

IGA: *who has fallen on the floor in a trance* A..A..new woman lead...No...No...

Worker 2: Wait..He wants us to make a game that has a woman lead? Like Castlevania Resurrection?

IGA: Ugh..cant...no..I-

Worker 1: I think hes shocked by the great idea, that we should make it 3D!

IGA: Uaghhhhhhh!!!!!

Worker 2: If Order of Ecclesia was a great hit...I think we can do it again!! This time, let's release it on the Dreamcast!

Workers: YEAH!

[Omegasigma]

lol

[Mobius]

* * * BACK IN THE PUB * * *

SLOGRA: My, my. How the tables have begun to turn.

*reclines on a plush couch smoking from an ornate hookah*

GAIBON: Sss-*urrp!*--ur'tainly ssseems... 'at way.

*relaxes on a glass table with an empty whiskey bottle in one claw*

SLOG: Ahh give it time, Gai muh'man. The boss has it i-- [inhales from pipe] --in the-- [inhales sharply] --in-- [sucks in one more big drag] ....in the bag. [exhales]

GAI: Pfft! Heh-hehhh. Well I'll uhh... [hiccups] - -I'll drink to that when I see it. Heh, heh, heh. [takes another swig]

SLOG: Bah. Just wait and see.

CARMILLA: Or don't wait at all.

*Slogra turns to see the countess striding in her most recent outfit*

SLOG: Ahh, yer Ladyship. [takes a hit from pipe] Enjoying the Dominatrix gear from yer recent slugfest, I see.

CARMS: [halts to place hands on hips] Indeed, I must admit these, mm... accessories do carry with them a certain, indefinable je ne sais quoi.

GAI: Uh-huh! Not ta' menshun a plungin' backshide!

*Slogra coughs loudly at his partner's comment*

CARMS: Tch! Your substance-addled mind will lead you to an early grave, imbecile.

SLOG: [under his breath] Dumb ass.

CARMS: But in the meantime, rejoice. Our lord and master has achieved the ultimate means to strike down his adversaries even as we speak.

GAI: Welluf 'e 'as ush-eeved this--! this ull-timm-at meansh to thi-- *hic!* --to sh-- *hic!* --ta, to shtrike down 'is fffuckinn ad-advurr... a-adversh...

*trails off as his eyes roll up into their sockets*

~ silence ~

SLOG: ....

CARMS: ....

*Carmilla and Slogra both wait silently*

GAI: ...Adver-sherries! Ahhh...

CARMS: *ahem* If you could but grasp the sheer genius of Lord Dracula's plan. - A concept unrivaled by any previous attempts to gain dominance over the living realm. This scheme is so perfect, so flawless, so masterful in its subtle ingenuity, that victory will most assuredly be ours. Oh, make no mistake, this plot is foolproof. [strikes a random cliched villain pose]

SLOG: [mutters] In other words, she has no idea what the boss has planned either.

GAI: *PPFFFT!*

CARMILLA: !... Why you vulture-beaked Dark Crystal reject. I ought to take that hookah and shove it right down your--!

*a wooden door leading down into the pub's lower levels is suddenly shattered apart violently by a massive fireball*

SLOG: WHAA-!??

GAI: The fffuhh...??

*a tall demon cloaked in black strides from the depths into the chamber and sweeps past the surprised trio barely glancing at them as he passes by - a taller, darker-skinned demon in navy blue stalks closely behind - and in between the two of them is a swaggering crimson-haired hellion with burning red eyes and a most disturbing smile on her face*

CARMS: ! . . . [falls bacwards onto her ample behind] Oh, shit.

SLOG: Bloody hell...

SULACO: You're both right.

*Mobius points both fingers in a cheesy 'sideways gun' manner towards the three as she walks past*

'Sup cretins?

*silence fills the room as the demons vanish*

SLOG: We. Are. Fucked.

GAI: Da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-amn! [passes out cold]

[Battler Ushiromiya]

Gah, took too long writing this, and missed a chance for a Christmas or New Years skit. Oh well...

~~~

*Back on the roof...*

Leon: How long have you two been there?

Maria: Long enough to know you're arguing over batting order... Or something like that.

Trevor: Oh, it's closer to that than you think.

*Richter elbows Trevor in the side, causing him to let out a groan of pain*

Sara: So why not do spin the bottle to see who goes first?

Juste: Isn't that where teenagers spin a bottle and make out with whoever the bottle lands on?

Simon: The bottle hits people?

*Trevor sighs, and smacks Simon over the top of the head*

Sara: ...Well yes, normally it is, but we're just using it to see who goes first here.

Richter: It still seems gay.

Sara: Well, do you have a better idea?

Trevor: ...Fuck it, let's go with Rock Paper Sciccors. It can't go that long.

*Simon and Richter nod, and the three put their fists together.*

S/R/T: ROCK PAPER SCICCORS SHOOT!

*The three all get sciccors.*

Simon: Uh, what does that mean?

Richter: It means it's a draw, dumbass.

*Simon elbows Richter in the side*

Trevor: Alright, let's try this again...

S/R/T: ROCK PAPER SCICCORS SHOOT!

*Similar result, except all rock*

Trevor: Crap, this is why I hate Rock Paper Sciccors...

Simon: Aw, it couldn't possiblly take that long, could it?

*15 hours later*

S/R/T: ROCK PAPER SCICCORS SHOOT! ROCK PAPER SCICCORS SHOOT! ROCK PAPER SCICCORS SHOOT! ROCK PAPER SCICCORS SHOOT! ROCK PAPER SCICCORS SHOOT!

Trevor: Wow, this is ridiclulous even for Rock Papre Scissors. How hasn't anyone won yet?

Simon:Because you keep chosing the same one as me!

Trevor: Oh, yeah, like I'm TRYING to pick the same one as you.

Richter: FOR GOD'S SAKE, SOMEONE WIN ALREADY! ANYONE!

Trevor: You know what, I don't even care anymore. Choose between the two of you.

Richter: I don't even remember what I'm doing this for anymore.

*Leon, who had apparently been asleep from the day full of Rock Paper Scissors, jabs his thumb towards the crates*

Richter: Oh, right. Yeah, suddenly, that doesn't sound so fun anymore.

Simon: Does this mean I go first?

R/T: *Sigh* Yes, Simon, you go first.

Simon: YIPEE!

*Simon rushes over to the crate and yanks out... a Fleaman!*

Maria: ...What the hell is that, and why do yo have a stockpile of them?

[Mobius]

* * * BACK AT THE BAR (yeee-hahh!) * * *

*the pub's resident Succubus sits stirring a Bloody Mary with her index finger*

SUCCI: So begins a new year upon the mortal world.

NATHAN: [from behind his newspaper] Mm. A fresh start with renewed possibilities.

SUCCI: Or a clean slate to completely fuck up from scratch. Whichever comes first.

- You know poppet, one thing we could always count on from you was to have such a nice, positive outlook on things.

*Nathan drops his paper at the sight of the approaching demons*

SUCCI: Well strip me, skin me and call me a bloody mess...

SULACO: Now there's an image. How goes it, Marti? [nods towards Nathan] Nate.

SUCCI: Unbelievable. The most twisted fuck in all of hades returns to the cursed grounds of Drac's crib. Are you here for the master, Sulaco?

LAC: Maybe I'm just nostalgic.

NATE: [gathering his paper] I'll believe *that* when heaven's holy hosts drop their togas and do the Full Monty in Vegas.

*Lac turns to give Nathan a "what-the-bloody-fuck?" look*

SUCCI: Spikey's got a point there, slick. You aren't exactly the sentimental type, let's face it.

Oh you are just so incredibly perceptive of the painfully obvious, aren't ya?

SUCCI: Eat me, dragon-girl.

*Mobi leans in towards her chest eagerly, her jaws stretching and splitting open in a most disturbing yawn of six razor-toothed mandibles already dripping with inhuman saliva*

SUCCI: [leaning back] - LET ME REPHRASE THAT!

LAC: Good idea. Anyway, our dear and beloved scarlet-headed people-eater here just so happens to be the main reason I'm back on Earth for the time being.

*Mobi winks as her mouth returns to normal*

SUCCI: What-...? Her?

NATE: You're babysitting the one female that even Dracula would think twice about chewing on?

LAC: Keeping her within sniping range would be a more accurate assessment, but yes.

SUCCI: I would have thought such a high and mighty demon of your calibur would have had much better things to do than watching over children, old bean.

I'd have thought a professional skank who gets off on draining mortals of their souls during sex wouldn't have so much time to be dallying around sipping cosmos in a bar this early.

LAC: Spare me your cliched villain's banter, Marti. I just don't care to see my little pyrotechnic partner here torch an entire continent in her pursuit of happiness anytime soon.

[pouts] *pssht!* Can't ever do NO-THING here, man!

NATE: ...So you're really just here with the sole intention of keeping tabs on what she's up to?

LAC: Not entirely. Marti here wasn't completely off when she asked me if I was here for her boss. It so happens that I do indeed have some business with the master of the castle.

SUCCI: ...Oh? [glancing over her wing] And uh... Is he aware of it?

*Sulaco turns and grins at her*

NATE: [mutters] I'd call that a big NO.

SUCCI: Didn't think it would hurt to ask.

As we all know the Big D believes he has come across the ultimate means to dupe the good guys at last. Even now he and his necrophiliac sorcerer Shaft are progressing their plan to strike back against the Belmonts. - For like the umpteen-thousandth time.

LAC: Indeed. This turn of events kind of mucks up the whole light/darkness equalibrium balance -thing, upsetting the very cosmic foundation upon which the physical realm and the demon plane co-exist, which has led me, inexorably, here.

NATE: Whoa... Anyone else feel like Keanu Reeves right about now?

SUCCI: Wait-wait-wait, hold the clunky late-90's cell phone here. You're saying Dracula's latest Pinky-and-the-Brained scheme to conquer the known world and get in some payback is what got you back up here?

Well, that and his complete lack of gettin' any for the past few months. And we're talking any and all species of tail here.

It'll be your tail I'll be pumping. --My foot into if you step out of line, Mobius. Any problems with the slightest inkling of a certain demon's paw prints and I'll be having words with you. - After breaking a few limbs off in your ass. Anyway... [turning to Nathan and Succubus] Gentleman? Lady?

*nods cordially and exits stage left with Kregan behind him*
(K: Oh. Finally, a mention. Great. Yeah, nice to get one quick shout-out just before the fade to black, isn't it? Shit.)

I'll be watching you, little one, so best be behaving yourself.

Thanks dad. I'll be sittin' pretty right here with bells on.

*takes a seat at the bar, pops the top off a bottle of vodka from behind it and downs the whole thing in one swig before tossing it out the nearest window*

SUCCI: Uhh.... I can see by the writing on the wall, this new year is off to a long and grueling start.

[grabbing another bottle] Bite me, sperm-bucket.

SUCCI: [resumes sipping her own drink] Honey, not for all for the gold in Castlevania.

NATE: [goes back to reading his paper] I do not know you people.

[Battler Ushiromiya]

Simon: What do you mean, what is it?

*Simon holds the Fleaman up to Maria's face*

Simon: It's a Fleaman! He's my Fleaman, and I will name him Fleaman!

Fleaman: I am the great Cornholio of Bungholio! Hnkhnkhnk...

Maria: O...kay... So what are you planning to do with these... things...

Richter: Simple. We plan on punting them off the roof of the castle and see which goes the farthest.

Simon: Like so!

*Simon whips around and punts the Fleaman clear off the castle roof. The demonic midget lets off a goofy high-pitched cackle before crashing into the side of Wygol Village's General store*

Sara: How barbaric!

Richter: It's actually quite fun. You wanna give it a try?

*Sara gives Richter the evil eye while Maria just shrugs*

Maria: Eh, sure, why not.

*Richter nods and pulls a new Fleaman from the crate. He hands the deformed creep to Maria*

Fleaman: THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLIOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO! BUNGHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLIOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE ALMIIIIIGHTY BUNGHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLIOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO!!

Maria: What the hell is with these things?

Trevor: They had a portable DVD player and several seasons of Beavis and Butthead with them when we got them.

Maria: Oh.

Fleaman: I need TP for my Bunghole! Hnkhnkhn...

Maria: I swear to god, if it says "Bunghole" one more time...

Leon: It won't matter. You're gonna punt it anyways, arn't you?

Fleaman: YOU MUST BOW DOWN TO THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!

Maria: THAT'S IT!

*Maria whips around and punts the unsuspecting Fleaman skyward. The Fleaman lets out the infamous Wilhelm scream before fading out in the distance, in an anime-esque exit.*

Juste: Wow, Nice kick. $20 says it dies on impact!

Richter: $40 says it dies of oxygen deprivation first!

Juste: YOU'RE ON!

*The five start taking bets on the fate of the Fleaman, as Sara looks on in horror*

Sara: YOU MONSTERS! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Picking on poor, defenseless midgets-

Trevor: Defenseless? Do you know how many damn pitfalls I've landed in because of those things?

Sara: That's IT! None of you are fit to wield me any longer!

Leon: I was never a part of this idea.

Sara: Except Leon. Shame on you boys for dragging him into this!

Richter: Sellout...

Simon: Wait... What do you mean, "Wield you"?

*Everyone glares at Simon in shock*

Leon: ...Sara is, for all intensive purposes, the Vampire Killer.

Simon: So... I took Dracula's head off with a woman? I've been swinging a woman around all this time?

Richter: Is he retarded?

Trevor: At least he's functioning, which is better than Soleyu and Desmond.

*Suddenly, the two notice their Vampire Killers are missing. They look around to see where they went, and spot Sara holding them, along with Juste's and Simon's*

Sara: I have deemed you all unfit to wield the Vampire Killer! The Belmont clan will have to wait until a true gentlemant is born into their clan before they can wielf the whip again!

Richter: Aw, but that might take centuries!

Sara: TOO DAMN BAD! Now release those poor midgets from those crates!

[Battler Ushiromiya]

*Back at the pub, Cornell, Hugh, Sonia, and Reinhart are all gathered around one of the tables*

Hugh: Damnit, I can't believe I got retconned.

Sonia: At least IGA had a decent excuse to retcon you, meddling with the timeline.

Hugh: Oh, and who got knocked up by the Teen Alucard?

Sonia: Shut up, you.

Reinhardt: Well, we can always hope and pray that IGA changes his mind and revokes the retcon...

*Sonia and Hugh look at Reinhart, then burst into laughter.*

Hugh: Since when has ANYONE gotten out of Retcon hell?

Sonia: Ha! There'd be a better chance of Ressurection being finished and released! ON THE DREAMCAST!

Reinhardt: Oh, please. Cornell got his retcon reversed.

*The two stop laughing and stare at Cornell, who takes a sip of his beer*

Sonia: ...When?

Cornell: With Judgement. I even got a nice set of armor out of the deal.

Hugh: How in god's name did you manage to pull that off?

Cornell: I threatened to eat IGA's precious hat.

Sonia: Well, that'll do it. Hey, Reinhardt, you think I could get IGA to reverse my retcon if I sleep with him?

Reinhardt: Doubt it. He really seems to hate you.

*Desmond walks over to the group and sits down.*

Desmond: ...Retconned... I've been retconned.

Sonia: Sorry to break it to ya, but you were never really official to begin with.

Hugh: Yeah. To be fair, you're about a step below us.

Reinhardt: I don't even think IGA knows your game even exists.

Desmond: ...You're all so mean...

Cornell: It's only the truth. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go sit with the other official characters.

Hugh: Stop rubbing it in, jackass.

[Omegasigma]

The door slams open and the towering shadow figure is in the doorway, everyones turns to look to see whos causing a mess now,

Richter: It wasnt me this time, i swear...

The shadow gets smaller and smaller as more of the pubs light reviels more.

Kid Dracula is there with a big grin on his face

KD: I'm to young to drink vine...

Alucard slaps his face.

Alucard: why did Aeon have to bring my younger self here?

Aeon: I figured it would prove amusing
St Germain: how about another round ol chap?
Aeon: I forsaw it happening...

all the girls practicly squeen at the chibi alucard.
"Hes soo cute!"

As the grown up alucard can feel looks of death from the other males around him...

[ninjawolf]

Phew wow...I have NOT been on here awhile..I hope we can all open to our stoires with open arms .
--------------------------------------------------------------

At the C-Pub

Richter: Wow...Its been about 18 hours and we have NOT heard a single thing about this new Belmont....

Simon: Maybe it is a chick?

Maria: HEY WTF? Just because sometimes us women take awhile to get ready DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T APPEAR WHERE WE ARE SUPPOSE TO BE.

Back at Drac's lair

Dracula: ~Dee dee doo doo~

Death: *knock knock* Lord permission to enter?

Dracula: Sure thing death

Death: *Enters room and sees that Dracula has been using 1674 different combination of makeups.* .....

Dracula: Um...Maybe a little too much eyeshadow? Cause i was going for the Twilight look.

Death: LORD YOU WERE DUE AT THE PUB AT LEAST 16 HOURS AGO!!!

Dracula: Wow its that late? Looks like i need my beauty sleep...

Death: ~Sighs~ Aeon!!!

Aeon steps into the room

Aeon: *Looks as if he was busy just minutes ago* I was busy with Alucard and his cute child form!!!! Dang...I was only seconds away from seeing some good anime boobs!!

D/D: ...You could have just went forward in time to see them.

Aeon: Oh...But that kinda ruins the kinky-ness

Dracula: *Stands up suddenly with a Camrilla dress on* ENOUGH! We need to get to that pub ASAP! So that- *Phone rings* ...Umm...excuse me i have to take this
*Click beeb*
Heyyyyyyy Girllllfireennnndddd!!!!!!

Death/Aeon: ...wha?

Dracula: Oh yeah...What? YOU DID?? OMG HES SOOOO CUTE!! Okay...Yeah..Look i got to go things to do...Belmont's to seduce..Okay...Byeeeeee. *Click*

Aeon: And...Who was that may i ask?

Dracula: Oh just Succubus was inside Brad Pitts dream..~Sigh~ I would do anything to-

Death: URK. CHANGING THE SUBJECT.

Dracula: Oh right yes...Aeon! I need you to transport me to the Pub right away!!!

Aeon: Sure thing drac...!!

Meanwhile at the pub

Alucard: ~Shivers up the spine~ Urmmh...

KD: Whats wrong older me?

Alucard: I have a reallly badddddd feeling whats about to happen....

[Mobius]

*even as little and big--... err, (snicker) that is, grown Alucard experience these spine-tingly sensations, a familiar female fingure in blood-red leather enters from behind the bar with a plate of what look like plump barbecued human fingers with dipping sauce*

MOBIUS: [to Al and Kid D] 'Sup niggas?

AL: !!-- [shrieks like a girl and dives for cover beneath table]

KID: Bloody hell!...

*parks her ass on a barstool and proceeds to snack on her finger foods*

MOBIUS: Man. Place is deader than OJ Simpson's sports career. What happened?

Shanoa: It's been like this for most of the past couple weeks.

*turns to regard the comely young woman sitting beside her*

MOBY: Oh really. And whome might you be with the exceptionally long but unmistakeably silken tresses?

SHAN: I am Shanoa. Star of the most recent handheld Castlevania outing. [nods courteously] And you are?

MOBY: Oh I have many names. Most folks around her just call me Moby.

*sidles up to Shanoa looking her up and down*

SHAN: Moby... How interesting. I've not heard of you.

MOBY: Few have. Makes things much easier for me.

*traces a finger over the archaic symbol etched onto Shanoa's left shoulder*

MOBY: Lovely tattoos. Do they mean anything?

SHAN: Uh... They-they are, well, sacred glyphs. They, uh, allow me to- *ahem* -to-to absorb the magical pro-properties of--? Of, uh, of... Eh-heh.

*looks nervously into the crimson eyes of Moby, who by now has traced her hand up her shoulder and collarbone to her slender neck, jawline, cheek, and now her luxuriant hair*

MOBY: Magical properties. Mm, yes. That would explain this-... Bewitching sensation that seems to exude from you. It is hard to resist.

Shan: Ohh? Ahh, my power over glyphs is primarily used to ward off servants of darkness. - Beings such as-- well, su-such-.... Uhh...

*inadvertantly begins to lean her head back as Mobius slowly draws her face nearer and nearer to hers*

MOBY: Great power I take it. [whispers] Outmatched only by your beauty, I'm sure.

*as Kid Dracula watches spellbound not more than a few feet away, Mobius takes Shanoa into her arms and kisses her full on the lips - slowly digging her mouth forcibly into hers more and more until suddenly Shanoa finds herself gripping the girl's shoulders for support*

KID DRAC: O_O  ....sweet mother of--!

- Ehh-HEMM!

*Moby breaks away from Shanoa and turns innocently towards the sound of a familiar voice*

MOBY: I'm sorry, sweety. You wanna' get in on this?

SULACO: [grimacing] Moby... A word, please?

*yanks her head down onto the bar and leans in close*

LAC: See, this is exactly why certain measures need to be taken on my part to keep a close watch on you.

MOBY: Ah, well to your credit you're about to get one hell of a show in the next couple of minutes, boss.

LAC: ...That notwithstanding, I have entrusted the task of curbing your enthusiasm to someone I know will at the very least keep me up to date on every single thing you do.

MOBY: Ooo, she got a camera?

LAC: [smirks] Play nice with your babysitter while daddy's away.

*turns and walks towards the pub's main doors*

MOBY: Sure you won't be the meat in our lesbo sandwich then?

*stops short as the light but audible pitter-patter of size 3 boots resonate from behind her - Her smile tightens most unusually as she turns slowly to look down upon the unwelcomed sight of a white-haired little girl in ivory-pale clothing*

AKERON: Good evening Miss Mobius. I have been granted the task of monitering your actions amongst the patrons of this establishment.

*nods dutifully and demurely, taking her eerie baby-blue eyes off of Moby's for just a moment*

MOBY: ....

*suddenly lets her shoulders droop down and becomes stone serious - her bravado completely gone*

MOBY: Aw fuck.

SHAN: Ummmmm... He-hello?... Pardon me, but, ar-are we going to do this, or--!

*yelps suddenly as Mobius casually tosses her backwards over her shoulders and into the mirror behind the bar*

MOBY: Sorry babe. Good times ain't gonna' be happenin' for a while up in here.

*grabs a bottle of fire whiskey and pops its top off glumly as Akeron takes a seat next to her*

AKI: I look forward to working with you.

KID DRAC: I'm scared, future self. Hold me.

ALUCARD: Uhh... No.

[ninjawolf]

Dracula arrives with Aeon outside the pub unnoticed

Dracula: Okay we here?

Aeon: Pretty much...Umm..May i ask whats your plan exactly?

Dracula: Oh its very VERY! Evil indeed...You'll find out soon right?

Aeon:...Um...I guess? Unless you mean i go forward in time to see what the crap you do,then come back to the present and try to stop your evil plan,because i suddenly have a change of heart...

Director of C-Pub story: GODDAMMIT AEON YOU JUST RUINED THE NEXT 3 REPLY'S TO THIS STORY!!!! F****!!!!

Aeon:~Shudder~ That man reminds me too much of Christan Bale on the Terminator set...

Dracula:....Righttttt...Well im off now *Starts walking to pub*

Aeon: Oh! Wait Drac!

Dracula: *Stops and turns head* Yessss?

Aeon: Im only going to tell you this once to listen closely...

Dracula: *Pretends to give a damn*

Aeon: ~Ahem~...Stay the fuck away from this Moby chick.

Dracula:*Nods head quickly and is in a rush* Got it fuck a Moby chick. Bai! *Goes inside pub*

Aeon:...Well! About time to go forward in time!*Makes a weird time travel sound* ~Bleeoo bleeeo bleeop!~

Inside the C-Pub

Everyone stops what there doing and looks at the new girl who walked in (Dracula i mean)

Dracula:.....

Pub: *Cracks knuckles*

Simon: *Whispers to Richter* Watch her...

Dracula: *Shakes body for a second*

Pub: *Gets ready about to attack*

Dracula: *Throws one quarter to the jukebox..aaannndddddd*

Jukebox: ~Ching-Klink!~

Dracula: AAOW!!!

*Smooth criminal plays*

Pub: *Starts dancing!*

Alucard: Oh shit...I knew EXACTLY i had a bad feeling...IGA had an idea to make a fucking Dance Dance Castlevaina Mix...As if frigged Mario mix wasn't enough!!!!

[Omegasigma]

Iga sneezes looks around and goes back to wearing his hat and whipping his employes...

Richter: You know your not at konami right?
Iga: thats the idea.
Richter has an anime sweat drop come off his head.
Simon: nice one richter, you got the guy excited now. i'm ashamed to be your ancestor...
Iga: oh Simon i have a new outfit for you, it hides to much tho i think...
IGA reviels Simon in a more bondage Judgement suit.

Richter: suddenly i'm glad i never got into that game...
PSP remake richter taps sotn richter on the shoulder.
PSP Rich: sorry man iga already butchered you i mean me...dammit.
Rondo richter just stands there looking macho...

[Battler Ushiromiya]

Holy crap, I forgot all about this place... >.>;; Well then, time to get to work...

*Back at the C-Pub, Richter and Maria are handing out leaflets to everyone. Suddenly, Soma, Hammer, Mina, and Yoko burst through the door, but before they can say a word, Richter and Maria hand them each a leaflet. Soma reads his out loud.*

Soma:"The Castlevania Pub presents a Spring Break Special on the beaches of the Kalidus Channel..." What the hell? I'm getting my kickass entrance cut out for a special!?

Trevor: No kidding, the author's forgotten to do specials for all the big holidays, and he decides to do one for Spring Break of all things.

Simon: Really, what's so good about Spring Break?

Eric: Four words- Whipped Cream Bikini Contests.

Simon: ...So?

Chris: *To Juste* No wonder his wife left him... He's a complete idiot.

Juste: *To Chris* Eh, he's better than Desmond or your son.

*Chris makes a strangling motion at Juste when suddenly Soleyu comes bursting in*

Soleyu: Whoo! Yeah! Massive beer-fest on the beach! *Blows an airhorn.*

Alucard: I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be this stupid.

Maria: Well, we ARE talking about Mr. Poop Shoes here.

Chris: Wait, Poop Shoes? What happened?

Richter: Well, a few nights ago we were gonna go drop off a bag of flaming dog poop on Barlowe's porch, but...

Trevor: Soleyu lit it in the wagon.

*Everyone looks at Soleyu*

Soleyu: Well, I wanted to see it all fire-y.

Simon: Yeah, then you stomped on it.

Soleyu: *indignant* It was on fire!

Maria: Right... I think I'm gonna go get the stuff together for the party that you're not going to tonight.

Soleyu: ...I'll bring the booze?

*Silence*

Richter: ...Issac's providing us with the booze.

Chris: Where the hell are you getting booze anyway, boy?

Soleyu: ...Uh...

*Suddenly, Young Julius kicks the door in.*

Julius: DRACULA! I'VE COME TO- Woah, you guys getting ready for a party? Tell me Mr. Poop Shoes isn't coming.

Soleyu: IT WAS ON FIRE!

[ninjawolf]

Yay finnaly a special! Welcome back BTW
--------------------------------------------------

Dracula:*pretending hes not Dracula, but still in use of shafts potion that transformed him into a normal woman (But with still all his powers of corse)* Um...Dracula is not here in Transylvania any more Julius..

~The whole pub gets silent, and looks at this new person (Dracula)~

Julius: Holy crap are you serous?

Richter: Not here anymore?? Jesus Christ!

*From the other side of the pub*

Jesus: Hey! Im still here ya know....

~They all wait a moment~

Dracula: Uhh...what's with the silence?

Julius: Well let me explain it to ya lady, usally if we say holy words and such- Drac sometimes goes up in flames...

Dracula: *pretending he dosent know how it feels* Oh my...Then i guess hes not here...

Soleyu: Awesome!!! So next time i dont have to douse myself in holy water right?

Simon: Jesus kid...As if pasting Bible pages on you was not enough...

Soleyu: Hey! A guy has to be safe, right?

Chris: ~Sigh~ Son i am going to teach you later how to actually "Hold" our sacred whip...

Trevor: I'm not really sure you want to do that...

Chris: Why not?

Trevor: Cause IGA would probably have an idea to make soleyu a main character again...

Soleyu: REALLY?? ?? AWESOME!!!

At IGA's home

IGA: ~ACHOO~ Phew...Damn...I was thinking of making another game named "Castlevania: The evil poop shoe"...

back at the pub

Dracula: *Inside his/her head* Oh god no...If im still in use of this potion and have to captre that boy again...Im just going to put tampons in his mouth to shut him up...