*tumbles in through a time-portal*
Hi ya'll. Your friendly neighborhood superfreaky mega-fisting expee-alli-d'oshious demon here adding my chump change to the official Judgment pot. Just finished playing the game this week and I can say this much: It still beats Curse of Darkness. And yet, I would still rather be playing CV 64 or Legacy of Darkness.
I've heard folks compare this title to Lament play-wise, as a matter of fact. I fail to really see the comparisons, unless they really meant to refer to the game's overall presentation. Perhaps, somewhat... I really enjoyed the look to this game actually. Once past the awkward "Death Note" aesthetics of the characters, things looked nice and somber enough to elicit nostalgia of the first CV 3D titles on the N 64. Yes, beneath the gouda wedge English language script there was no story to speak of (why am I the only one in the freakin' Bay Area who knew time travel would be the gimmick in Story Mode? Do people around here truly cling to hope that much?). But, if nothing else, tis serviceable for the game.
That said, lemme' let my hair down here and kick off a steel-toed boot... (*whoo*) ...Ok. Time keys? What in the bloody hell are you jabbering about, Doc? Is Konami really that desperate to see Castlevania embrace some "Kingdom Hearts" sensibility that badly? - Hell, Doc White himself could be a rejected character concept from the last Square/Disney coupling. On the subject of character design, Grant? Blimey, mate! What the hell did they do to you? Made you Voldo with bandaids and Jack Sparrow's voice, eh? Ha! At least you don't have to provide fan service to the all the male players like your buddy Sypha and her fellow femmes. Christ sake, Goth-loli and Nun fetishists are sure getting their eyeballs juggled by a succubus' slutty mouth in this game! Then again (*snort!*) the boys aren't looking all that happy in their new duds. Golly, and I thought Kojima-san had made Simon look like an actual whipping boy. Boy, was I wrong! And we're all fighting against the (*cough*) Time Reaper?... Did I get that right? Wow. So how come he looks like Death while the proud bearer of that classic name looks like a Death-metal dominatrix's vibrator? Speakin' of vibrators... Carmilla, bubby, baby, look at you girlfriend! A whack to your head from the Vampire Killer and suddenly you go Heavy Metal magazine on us? Mile-high platforms, triple-F cups and leather till doomsday, fuck me! Woo-hoo! ...No, really. Fuck me. - Bring those meta-mellons over here and st--C E N S O R E D ~ IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS DECENT IN FUCKING EXISTENCE!!!--like I'm a fucking overflowing beer keg!! *s i g h*
. . . But anyway, yeah. There is some objectionable stuff, saying nothing about the uninspired game control that hasn't already been said before. But I am not surprised in the least. Igarashi-sama paid little heed to the gameplay OR visuals of his previous 3D titles on the big next-gen consoles. Why should the humble little Wii get any attention? It just goes to show what still matters most in the eyes of many developers these days: Package em, crank em out, get em in the store. Hope for the next game will bring us back for more! Rah! Rah! Rah!
Alright, alright, I think that's enough negative oral ejaculate for ya'll to soak up. Onto the good stuff. I'm lovin' the music. It's probably some the best arranged material for a CV title I've heard since CV Chronicle for the Playstation. The new tunes are solid, and I have never been one to complain about inferior sound quality in games as a whole. - CoD's music sucks because it is repetitive, colorless, and unoriginal, not because it used a sound system that was already outdated at the time of its production. If the music works, its quality matters little. The extra modes are engaging enough for a game like this. Yeah, so they're simple side-challenges with basic handicaps and restrictions for you to crack. Did anyone really expect anything more? There are those who compare the whole CVJ experience to Soul Calibur II. I say, it IS Soul Calibur II, only with characters we care about.
Overall, the game is a curious addition to the series. As a CV title Judgment trumps CoD and even a few of the weaker 2D entries, but it sticks out like an infected vampire bite no matter how I look at it. By that, I mean I tend to feel like it could have easily turned out a lot better, if not been avoided altogether. As a fighting game it's still lacking in many respects. But so what? It's still a cut above most of the past Mortal Kombat titles, not to mention both the Tekken and Virtua Fighter series (my god, I hate those fucking games). The important thing is it's something different. And I tend to respond well to experiments with my favorite series. Even Igarashi-sama has yet to make one that is a flat-out failure.
Addendum: Golem is, without a doubt, the BIGGEST damn surprise yet in the the history of CastleVania. Trust a generic fighting engine plotline to churn out a completely unexpected gem amongst its shreds of mumbo-jumbo. This lumbering juggernaut is, in my estimation, the soul of Castlevania Judgment. His words are, in some weird way, tragic to hear and ultimately heartbreaking once his ending is reached. Everyone I know who has played the game just feels so much for the poor, simple lug, and more than one person has shed a tear upon seeing his eventual fate. Golem, you easily walk away with this title on your back. And you know what, big guy? You deserve better.
R.I.P. Golem honey. You are the final word on Judgment.